The Green Eyed Monster...

I know that jealousy is wrong. I don't want to be jealous. I try not to be jealous. But... it has crept up on me and taken up residence in my heart.

It all started when I realized that many of the blogging siestas were going to meet at a Beth Moore conference in August. I reasoned out that it was a long way to go from South Carolina... but I couldn't help looking into airline tickets, hotels, and rental cars for the weekend. I told myself that if I started saving now... I could probably do it. BUT then... I realized that I would have to fly out on the first day of school for my children. Now... that doesn't seem like a lot... but we have homeschooled for the last 6 years. My oldest daughter has been at home since second grade and my youngest has never been to school. And... believe me, it is a BIG deal. So... there went that. I resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't go... and anyway, I am going to the Simulcast in Boone, NC at the beginning of August. Okay... so maybe I could get over the jealousy thing...

Well... it appears that I have missed one of the most exciting conferences around last weekend... right in my back door... Charlotte, NC. I live so close to Charlotte... as a matter of fact... I work in Charlotte. I had no idea that so many blogging friends were so close. I have spent the last couple days reading about how wonderful God was at the conference. How much fun the ladies had... even on a $60 cab ride. My jealousy is in full rage. I hate that I missed such a wonderful, God Time.

And... to think that if a few short months... I will have to read (yes, I will HAVE to read it) about the Siesta Fiesta. Ugghhhhhh!!! I can't stand it.

But... in all honesty... I will love hearing about it. I know that God is going to show up at the Simulcast too. I hope that there will be some blogging sisters there too. My little Tuesday night Bible study group is going together. I can't wait. I have heard testimonies from people that have attended a simulcast in the past... and they said it was just as great as being there. I will have to trust them on this until at least August.

If you have read my blog before... you might already know how much I love my little Tuesday night group. We meet at my house to study. We started out meeting from 6-7:30pm. Last night... it was 9:30pm before they left. We have such a great time getting into God's Word. We laughed so hard a few weeks ago at one of the stories that Beth told... we hit rewind a few times and laughed until our sides ached. It was about loosing skittles.... does that mean anything to anyone?? A great story. I bet if I were to tell all of the fun that we have.... some of you might be jealous too. BUT... I will try to keep some of it to myself, since jealousy is a sin and all.

I guess that I will just have to take my jealousy to the Lord. It's not like He doesn't know it anyway. So... off I go... to spend some time with my Father. He is just the one to kill the green eyed monster that has taken up residence in my heart... well... after thinking of my little Tuesday night group... my heart isn't quite so green after all.

Surprise....

Just call me fickle. I couldn't pass up the chance to get a new make-over when my name came up on Jennisa's waiting list. I was hoping for a light and airy look for summer. What do you think?? I love it.

I will have to come back tomorrow and say more... for now, I have to go to bed!!
Thanks Jennisa... I love it!!

Have I gone too far??

This will be short and sweet...

I think that I may have gone too far. This morning my little one found a picture of Beth Moore on an advertisement. She carefully cut it out and brought it to me. She said, "Here mom... you can put her on the wall in your room". Now... I just have to sit back and wonder... Have I gone too far??

I think that I will have to refrain from putting her up on my wall... since I share my bedroom with my husband. He knows how much I enjoy her studies (okay... love her studies, and her blog, and watching her on Life Today, and, and,) but I just don't think that he would give me his blessing to put her up on our bedroom wall!! What do you think??

Well... maybe I really haven't gone too far. I wish that I had known who she was when I was seven. It would have possibly changed a few things in my past.

In the Cleft of the Rock

God's Word is alive and active. It amazes me that you can read something last year, or the year before... and read it again this week and it mean something completely different. God's Word is so practical and relevant to today.

I have read this story before. Actually I have studied it more than once. BUT... the other night it was completely new again. It meant something totally different to me. It was exactly what I needed that minute. God is just like that. Meets us where we are. Exactly when we need it.

Exodus 33 ends with Moses asking God to show him His glory. God tells Moses, "there is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.

Beth said, "Is it possible that right now... when you feel like you are in a dark time, could it possibly be that God is passing by you and He has His hand over your eyes, hiding you in the cleft of the rock?? Could it be... that when he removes His hand you will be able to see His goodness and His glory as He passes by???

Wow!! That spoke volumes to me. I do sometimes feel like things seem dark right now. Could it be that God is passing by?? Could it be that the reason that I think it is dark is because His hands are covering my eyes so that His goodness and His glory can pass right by me... without me seeing His face... ?? Could it be that when the darkness fades, I will see His back?? Where He has been?? Believe me... I know that God is with me right now. I have such peace in my soul and in my heart during this trying time. But... to think that I am in the cleft of the rock as God chooses to pass so closely by me that He has to cover my eyes with His hand to keep me from seeing His face?? His goodness and His glory are passing by me. That I WILL see His back and His hand and His heart in the end.

Now, those are words to hold on to. Those are words that will keep me til the end. Is the Word great or what?? Can Beth bring it home or what??

Bad Decisions 101

This week, my Bible study took me to Exodus 32. I laughed out loud when I read about Aaron making the golden calf for the people of Israel. They couldn't wait on Moses to return from the mountain. They said, "We don't know what happened to him". Aaron did exactly what the people of Israel asked him to do. He fashioned an idol for the people out of their earrings and gold. I loved the part where Moses confronted him about his actions, and he said, "please don't be angry with me, I asked them to give me their earrings and gold, and I then threw them into the fire... and out came this calf !". I thought to myself... what a ridiculous excuse.

God spoke to my heart, and he showed me that my life is a lot like that.

How often do I think that He is taking too long to do something?? I decide to just handle things my own self. I take matters into my own hands. Thinking that I know what it best, and what timing is best.

The earrings and gold that they had belonged to the Egyptians. God provided the plunder for them as he brought them out of Egypt. They used these blessings from God to create an idol. How often do I do that? God blesses me... and I turn around and allow His blessings to come before my worship of Him??

God quickly pointed out to me that I tend to make up excuses for my actions as well. And... I bet they sound about as ridiculous as Aaron's excuse did. Now... even if Aaron could have "gotten over" on Moses... I cannot "get over" on God. He not only sees my actions, but my heart that motivated them.

I was quite convicted. But... I realized that is where the similarities in our stories end.

When God's anger burned against them for their idolatry and disobedience, Moses stepped in to intercede for them. Later Moses said, "Perhaps I can make atonement for your sin." Well... It is Jesus Christ that intercedes for me. And...my Jesus didn't come to say, "Perhaps I can make atonement for your sin." He came to make atonement for the sins of the world.

Hebrews 7:25 tells us that "He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them."

Isaiah 53:12 tells us that "He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."

Hebrews 2:17 says "For this reason he had to be make like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people."

I find comfort in the fact that Jesus is there interceding for me when I get ahead of God, when I use His blessings inappropriately, and when I make up crazy excuses for what I have done. Jesus lives to intercede for me. Not only that... He came to make atonement for my sin. And... He did make atonement for my sin, and yours. I just love my Jesus.

From Fear to Faith...

Last week in Bible study we studied the beginning of the wilderness journey for the Israelites. God and I had such a great week. It was a "lesson learning" week for me.

I will confess that I struggle from time to time with our current situation. But... I sensed God talking to me about my lack of faith in Him. We studied the provisions that he provided for them as they rode the rollercoaster of following Him and then complaining against Him. Yet, He remained faithful to them. He gave to them... when anyone else would have thrown their hands up and walked away from such a faithless, fickle group. I thought for a minute... If I had just walked across dry land where a sea used to be... I think that I would have stayed faithful for a little longer than they did. BUT... do I??

God has seen us through such storms. God has provided for us time and time again. God has worked in my heart over and over. Yet... when I sense the winds blowing again, fear sets in. While we watched our video segment of the study, Beth said soemething that really hit me like a ton of bricks...

"Whatever it is that is inviting you to fear, is actually God's invitation to faith"

I thought to myself... God is wearing out the postman delivering invitations to me these days. There are so many things that are tempting me to fear.

I started looking at verses that have to do with fear. Over and over, scripture tells us to fear the Lord. It tells us that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Fear of the Lord is a fountain of life. Fear of the Lord adds length to life.

1 John 4:18 tells us that there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Well... I want love, not fear. Unless it is fear of the Lord. I think that I will go ahead and accept God's invitation to faith. Faith sounds a lot better than fear. What about you??

The Ability Cord

My little one said the funniest thing last night... but before I tell you what she said, I must fill you in on the fact that our cat recently had kittens. Lots of them... but that will be another post.


Anyway... Last night, Anna came into the living room where her dad and I were sitting and announced, "Yuck... there is an ability cord on the floor next to the kittens bed".

I said, "What kind of cord??".

She looked at me like I was crazy... and announced once more, "an ABILITY cord".

I laughed and looked at my husband and said, "I think that she must mean an umbilical cord".

But either way... I sent him to check it out. While he was gone... I sat there and laughed. An ability cord. My mind wondered just a bit to the birth of our babies and the cutting of the umbilical cord. (sorry if that is too yucky... I won't stay here long) I thought about the fact that without that cord... the baby couldn't live and grow. It is what connects it to the source of its life until it can live outside the womb on its own.

Then my mind JUMPED to something that Jesus told us in the gospel of John. John 15:5 says,

"I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

The only ability that I have comes through the cord (okay... the vine) that connects me to my Father. He says that I can do nothing without Him. He is MY ability cord. Without it... I can do nothing. God IS my ability cord.

Then... I wondered how many times have I tried to cut that cord so that I could live on my own?? Way too many times to count. Thankfully these days, God doesn't allow me much time to flounder on my own before He reminds me that I can only do things through Him. Without Him, I can do nothing. Oh well... Of course, I can do them... they just don't bear any fruit for the Kingdom. And as a branch... that is my sole purpose... bearing fruit for the Vine. Bearing fruit for my Father.

When my husband returned from the other room, the smile on my face was different. While it may have started with a laugh about something Anna said that was funny... God turned it into a moment between Him and me. (or is it I?? I don't remember)

Why do I try to cut that cord and do things on my own?? Have I forgotten how faithful He is?? Have I forgotten all of the storms that we have weathered together? Have I forgotten that He is the source of my very life?? Have I forgotten that He knows the number of hairs on my head?? Have I forgotten that He spoke the world into being... yet cares about every little thing in my life??

I realized that God was telling me to put away my scissors and stop trying to cut the cord. He is my Ability Cord. Without Him... I can do nothing. I can rest in that. AND, I will choose to rest in that.