This has happened more than once in the past month or so.... I just got a beating from God.
This is how I really know that I belong to God.... not that I doubted, but this is just the proof.
Lately my mind has been being consumed more and more with something. And it was not God. But something that I WANTED to fix or control. My mind and my appetite for this had begun to take control of my thought life. I thought about it constantly... I tried to reason out that it was to protect someone I love. and with that excuse... I could justify what I was doing. Is trying to protect my loved one wrong? No, I don't believe it is. Was my thought life being consumed with the wrongs of someone else a sin? Oh yes.... I know it was.
God in His great mercy... in His great love for me... put a stop to it today. He showed it to me for what it really is.... SIN.
He just wouldn't let me be. He wouldn't let me keep going. Just like a parent that sees something in their child that they know is harmful... He knew the road that I was on was not good... so He opened my eyes to that today. I think my eyes were already at least halfway opened... but with them only halfway opened... I could just ignore the little nudging that I felt. But today.... I was smacked in the head with it.... STOP IT!! This is sin!!
Although it was painful for a few moments.... it was like a hand delivered invitation to get "right" with Him. God desires for me to stay in a "right" relationship with Him. And my mind being consumed with the wrongs of others had put a wedge in my "right" relationship with Him.
It was like a beating.... that felt good in the end.
Hebrews 12:5b-6 says,
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
Because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
then it goes on to say in verses 10-11,
"Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those have been trained by it."
I so love the Lord.... He is so merciful and loving. He knows my heart. He knows the motives of my heart... even when I don't. OR even when I ignore them. But as my Father.... He disciplines me so that in time... I can share in His holiness. So that I can produce a harvest of righteousness because I have been trained by his discipline. AND.... then there is that peace. The peace that comes when you confess your sin to Him... believing He is faithful and just to forgive you... and catching back up with Him on the path. A right walk. Walking closely together.
The bottom line is that I didn't need to think that I could control anything. (umm... there is another sin... pride) By doing that... I was trying to take God's job. He is the one in control. And I am so thankful that He loves me enough to discipline me. For my own good. So that I can share in his holiness... and produce a harvest of righteousness and peace... because I have been trained by it. I pray that God always finds me willing to take a greatly needed beating for my own good... for His name's sake.