So... I spent last weekend at the Deeper Still event with Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer, and Beth Moore. Those ladies didn't hold anything back. They really brought a Word from God. I thought I had received "my" Word. Priscilla really spoke to my heart about believing that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. (Ephesians 3:20) I took that as "my" Word. There are so many times that I just ask God for the bare minimum... when I could ask Him for more.... because He is more than able to deliver. Like.... when I pray that my children will all come to know Him. When I could be asking Him to fill my children with an unbelievable love for Himself. Does that make sense?? There are many more examples that I could give.... but that's not the purpose of this post.
Monday, while reading the Living Proof Ministry Blog... I look through some of the comments that others had written about the Deeper Still event. There right in front of my face was a truth that slapped me right in the head.... someone else's comment included the statements that Beth said..... "if you are wondering what is missing, it's the FELLOWSHIP" and "in-depth Bible study is not fellowship". I just sat there. I realized that was it. Now... if the rest of you are shocked at that.... I am so sorry. I wish that it wasn't the truth, but I do believe that it is. I hope that none of you have ever experienced that.... but the truth is the truth.
First of all.... how did I miss that?? I heard her say that. I was listening. I knew that she said that. It just didn't register in my mind. But Monday.... it sure did.
That is what it is. I believe that I have been missing the fellowship. I have been "doing" the stuff. The Bible study, the prayer time, church, you know.... the stuff. But.... somewhere, I think I left the fellowship on the side of the road.
So... I sat down and just poured out my heart to the Lord. Seeking His forgiveness.... and begging Him to refresh me. I felt like I wanted to do something to "remind" myself of His constant presence.... and His desire to fellowship with me at every moment. So... I found myself a rubberband and put it on my left wrist.
Well.... Monday night I went to work. In case you don't know.... I work in the Emergency Room at a local hospital. I put gloves on and take them off at least 100 times a day. At some point... I looked down and the rubber band was gone. I guess while taking off my gloves, I slipped it of too. I wondered.... "how long has it been gone"?? I couldn't remember feeling it come off. It happened without my noticing it. I thought about my fellowship with God.... it had slipped away without my noticing also. How does that happen??
I thought about the time that I spend doing my Bible study... even discussing it with my friends that come to study with me. I thought about going to church week after week. I thought about singing to my praise music. I thought about speaking His Truth to others. None of that is fellowship WITH Him. There is a huge difference. If I spent time learning about my husband, spending time in his car, or even talking about him to my friends.... BUT never spent TIME really communicating with him, listening to him, telling about the things that matter to me, sharing dreams and desires.... what would our marriage be like???
So... there is another rubberband on my wrist. I am trying to be more careful with it... but I am really trying to be more careful with my fellowship with my Lord. He is so worth it....