This post is part of the book study that Lelia is hosting on her blog. We are reading Behind Those Eyes What's really going on in the souls of women by Lisa Whittle. This book is about becoming the real you... not the one you pretend to be. You can join in at any time.
Chapter 3 Ms. Confidence
This is the lady that appears to have it all together and appears to be so strong... or at least that is what she wants us to think. Lisa says,
"For them, as it is for so many of us, it is not acceptable to show that we need someone when we are trying so hard for people to see us as self-sufficient, strong, independent, and fearless. So we choose to portray a confident woman with it all together in order to save ourselves the pain that might come with people seeing our vulnerabilities."
"it (portraying confidence) robs us of the joy that comes with exposing our souls to a trusted companion."
"Confidence is often so afraid of rejection- either because of past hurts or past experiences- that she prefers to stay in her confidence shell and not let the soft side of her emerge."
I have to be honest and real... I don't see myself in this role. I have used my time this week to seek God. I have asked Him to show me if I play this part... but so far... nothing. Maybe I have just blocked it out of my memory. Or worse yet, maybe I haven't been really listening to God. I am going to continue to seek his face on this. I don't want to miss on opportunity for God to remove something that is useless in my life.
I love the way that Lisa summed up this section,
"... women who are open and vulnerable and real and genuine and without pretense. Those are the things that truly take strength."
And....the poem of The Strong Women vs The Women of Strength was awesome. Especially this part...
"A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape... but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape."
I am sure that I should probably work out a little more than never... but it just isn't something that I like. I know my clothes would fit better if I would do it whether I like it or not... but I just haven't tackled that yet... even the word "tackle" makes me sweat.
When I think about Ms. Confidence, I think of how unapproachable she appears. No one can get close. And which one of us women don't want a "close" friendship?? I have actually had friends like this... It was so obvious that they were playing a "part", and I learned that no matter what I tried... I couldn't get in.... I say "had" because to be perfectly honest... we aren't really friends anymore. Now... do we speak and hug when we see each other?? Oh yea!! Are they on my list of people to call in a crisis?? Well.. of course not... they aren't any help.... they have never had a crisis. And even if they have had a crisis... they wouldn't dare share it with me... it would ruin my "perfect" perception of them. Or so they think. Actually my heart aches for them. I know that they have to be lonely on the inside... miserable... so worried that someone might "find them out". I want to just stand up on the top of my house and yell out, "being real is so freeing"!!!! It lets God's work and glory shine through.
I love the last part of this chapter... with truth about confidence... the properly placed confidence...
"And now... continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident" 1 John 2:28
"God says, that when we put our confidence in the right place (in Him), our lives will be blessed." Jer. 17:7
"Our confidence comes from knowing not only whose we are but also who He is."
Next week we will be reading Ms. Happiness. Well... actually, I will be reading that today. I want to know more about her. If you are interested in how God spoke to others through this chapter click here.
1Peter 3:15
But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared in give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.
14 comments:
Lynn,
I like what you said about those Ms. Confidence women who are hard or impossible to get close to. I've experienced some of those women. I don't know if it's to portray a confident all together view or if it's a matter of being so hurt in the past and closing the world out. I say that because one of my friends I perceive to be this way. I could never get "in" her and close to about real issues. I think she is one of those that because of her past she was closed off to most people. I'm sure she had someone a mom or sister to whom she's been close to.
You are right though, I'm beginning to realize many women are closed off. Unfortunately, to date, I don't have that "best" friend but I don't want to be deterred from still hoping God to provide that one special friend (or two). I've found so many wonderful friends via blogland but it's just not the same as face-to-face and knowing you can run to someone's house at midnight if needed.
Thanks for sharing.
Paula
Ha! . . . a little more than never probably would help. But who am I to say anything. I'm in the same boat.
I think that fit into this role at times, I'll have to try to post about it sometime before next Tuesday. Say a prayer.
Hi Lynn!
I'm so glad you came by and read my post to help you see another side to Ms. Confidence. Although you may not at first see yourself in this role, the thing you are doing (which is so important) is to really search your heart and ask God to reveal to you those things that Ms. Confidence does that you may find yourself doing in one way or another. If He doesn't show you anything and your heart is clean before Him, just praise Him for helping you in that area of your life and ask Him to give you grace for those who are still struggling with it.
Thank you for your commitment to truth in your life!
Lisa :)
"When I think about Ms. Confidence, I think of how unapproachable she appears. No one can get close."
This is so true, Lynn. Lisa is so right; it takes real strength to be vulnerable.
I am loving this book!
And love reading your thoughts!
Now that I'm through with my other Bible Study I look forward to getting this book and going through it. At this time in my life it really sounds like the perfect book God would have me dive into. Thanks for your thoughts and helping me to begin to see the real me.
Love ya
Beverly
Lynn, it's so amazing that you talked about women you know who you it's not possible to get close to, and how you feel sorry for them. I've meet those women, and I am working on not being one of them.
I read this chapter a couple times and on Sunday I was in alot of prayer over it, and God kept leading me to think about how many women are sitting with me in church afraid to let people see the real them.
Thanks for sharing this.
I loved what you said here:
~I want to just stand up on the top of my house and yell out, "being real is so freeing"!!!! It lets God's work and glory shine through.~
I have felt that exact same way...and you are so right when you say, "It is so freeing!" ;)
God Bless,
Amy:)
I sometimes wonder why I was one of those 'unapproachable' for so long. I'm thankful that God is opening my eyes and heart to live in His freedom.
Hi Lynn, I can so identify now with what you said, "being real is so freeing." That statement is like a perfect fit to my life today.
My family, my relatives, my friends are almost in shock at the woman I am today. I am much more open than I ever was, I cry easily, things touch me like they never did before. I know it's all because of God.
I always felt like I was outside of life and just looking on at everyone experiencing things. I have developed a hunger and a thirst for the word of God and through it He has shown me the real me and then shown me who He wants me to be.
I am feeling so free on my way to being there. If I fail at something now I can admit to it. I have a book group that meets at my house and sometimes I marvel when I hear myself opening up to some of the women about where I've been in life. Without the help of God and His Holy Spirit it never would have happen.
I am truly thankful to be studying this book with all you wonderful ladies. I enjoy visiting all the blogs and am receiving so much from all the experiences.
Thank you
Blessings,
Vickie
The word "tackle" makes me sweat, too! But, my best friend has started "walking me" every morning...we're on school break right now...don't tell Runner Mom that I haven't been walking...she'll get on my case about how school breaks are for hikes and all-day walking adventures! ;)
Reading about your description of your "friends" w/Ms. Confidence tattooed on their foreheads makes me think of a couple friends who have split personalities...they are Ms. Confidence about 90 percent of the time and keep me at arm's length. But, every once in a blue moon, their facade cracks and they pull me in like a yo yo....just for an instant and then back out again. Very frustrating and exhausting for me. Makes me very sad for them.
Lynn,
I so much enjoy your writing and your honesty.
I love your statment "being real is so freeing!!!" I needed a friend like you in my life...years ago:)
Lynn,
Thanks for your great insight to Miss Confidence. My heart aches when I read about the friends that were never really friends because of what is missed out on when self confidence stands in the way of being real. Yes, it is so freeing!
Liz
We all want to be confident and yet we find her unapproachable. Interesting concept but very true. I have a whole new perspective with this confidence thing! Keep being real!
In his Graces~Pamela
ps
Just wanted to let you know I tagged you on my blog if you want to come play.
~Liz
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