Friday, October 10, 2008

Warnings and Wisdom

My daughter has a broken heart. It is absolutely killing me. The worst part of her broken heart is that I have seen it coming for a long time. I even warned her that things just didn't seem right about this so called "boyfriend". Please know that "boyfriend" is her term for him... not mine. There were many red flags for me... being the wise OLD woman that I am. Over and over I pointed out things that were not consistent in his stories. There is very little chance that the same person has experienced a skateboard accident that landed him in the Intensive Care Unit with amnesia for over a week, then an emergency appendectomy, then his parents threw him out only to have to move to another state to live with relatives... and the list just goes on and on. Everything seemed to pull her in emotionally. To make matters worse... she has never seen him with her own eyes. She met him through an acquaintance and has only text messaged with him. But, she fell.... hook, line, and sinker. Finally he sent her some pictures of himself... and he was such a beauty. Sounds too good to be true, huh??...

Well today, she clicked on his picture to enlarge it.... and it took her to a myspace page. Only... this person had a different name than her "boyfriend". There were pictures of this person in cap and gown... but her "boyfriend" was only suppose to be 16. Her heart broke into a million little pieces. He had lied to her. He wasn't the person that he was trying to convince her that he was. (sounds like the book I am reading) Now... before you start telling me about the dangers of the Internet and carrying on with people you don't really know.... I KNOW ALL THAT! I have warned her about that over and over too. I have done so much to prevent this... but to no avail.

And... this isn't even the point to this whole story.

I went into her room and found her on her bed, face in the pillow, crying. When I asked her what was wrong... she said, "I don't want to talk about it... you will say, I TOLD YOU SO!". Seeing her pain... I assured her that I would not say that. Finally, she started to tell me... through her tears... that he had lied to her. He wasn't who she thought he was... (Surprise!)

I wouldn't have said, "I told you so"... for a million dollars. Her heart was broken and she needed compassion and grace... not my harsh "knew it all the time" attitude. So I spent as much time loving on her and comforting her as she would allow.

I started thinking....

I am so much smarter than she is, why wouldn't she listen to me???

Why does she automatically think she knows what is best for her... I am her mother after all???

And you know what happened next... God so sweetly said to my spirit,

"I feel the same way about you sometimes"
"I am so much wiser than you."
"I know what you need and what you don't need."
"Why don't you listen to me?"
"Why don't you heed my warnings?"

Why is it that I so often think that I know what is best for me. Taking the path of my choice and not heeding the warnings that God is sending my way?? Oh... He tries to warn me. But I pretend not to hear Him. He is the giver of Wisdom... yet many times I don't even ask for it.

Then... when things are a mess.... I realize that He knew best... But at the time... I just rushed head on into what I thought was best or at least into what I wanted. He knew I should have kept my mouth shut today while I was grouchy with my husband. He knew that I should have saved the money that I spent yesterday on something silly because I would have a flat tire today. He knew that these tough times that we are going through were going to lead to closer walk with Him. He also knew that they were going to leave me with a huge desire to KNOW Him more.

It really does pay to listen to the wise one. It will lead to less pain and less hurt. But it is a choice that we have to make. A choice that I will have to make.

I can't make my daughter listen to my advise. I can continue to love her. I can continue to try to guide her... but ultimately it will be her decision.

God WILL not MAKE me follow His guidance. Ultimately it will be my decision to do it.

After seeing my sweet one's tears and pain today... you would think that I would take my own advise and listen next time to the warnings of the wise one. I pray that I signature


Jill said...

Thanks for sharing Lynn. I love the ananolgy except for the part that it has been true in my life as well. It is a constant process. The best part though is God too is a loving and listening parent just like you. Blessings as the journey continues and may we all heed those warnings!

Amy said...

Bless your daughter's heart. I cried those same tears many times when I was a teenager. And bless your heart, I have cried those same tears as a parent. It is so hard to watch our children hurt and make mistakes, especially when we "tried" to help prevent them.

I love what you said about God though, and you are exactly right. He must look at us with the same love and compassion and questions. We humans are a stubborn lot, aren't we? We only seem to learn from trial and error.

Like you, I pray that I start taking that same advice. And I pray, that like you, the next time my children are going through something similar, that I would show them the same grace and compassion that God always shows me.

God Bless,

Melanie said...

I think that's partly why God has allowed the privilege of being a parent. Every once in a while, God reminds me, usually when I'm in the middle of disciplining my own kids, that He's been saying the same thing to me that I'm saying to them.

I pray today is a brighter day for all of you. While this was a painful experience for her, I also pray she comes to see God's hand of protection in it leading her to safely learn of his deception now.

God bless you, Lynn.

Tammy R said...

So much truth in your post!

As a mother,myself,I try so hard to protect my daughter from a broken heart. Just like you, I send out the warnigs and pray that she will grab on to them as they pass by.
You handled it beautifully...Mom

Connie said...

Lynn, You have blessed me continually with your sharing thru the Behind those Eyes study. You again say it so well with your comparison to your relationship with our Heavenly Father and your daughter to yourself. You were there for your daughter and thank goodness she found out about this boy before she tried to meet him and that she could talk with you about the whole thing. We all want to spare our children heartache. It's such a special time to be there when they need us. Connie

Terri Tiffany said...

I came over here from Vicki's. So glad I did! Awesome post! I also love your header!! It is tough being a parent but being tough is being a parent sometimes. Your daughter is blessed!

Liz said...

Thanks for sharing, Lynn. I have a teenage daughter, and this story touches my heart. I am praying for you and praying for her.
I am so grateful that God never says to us, "I told you so.", atleast not until we are ready to hear it. What a lesson for me today as I still struggle with some "I told you so's" in my own life. (I feel inspired to post an I Told You So blog post.)
Thank you for sharing God's work in your life.

Runner Mom said...

Oh, bless her heart! I am so sorry that she had to experience this, but hopefully, it has made her a stronger person. We all need to listen to our Father who knows what is best for us...even we we think that we have it all under control. Thanks so much for sharing.

Love ya,

Beverly said...

Oh I feel so terrible for her...and yes both of my kids are just like that, they fall on with all feet then find out later things were not really what they seemed to be. Kelly has learned the hard way too, Kevin is still learning. And yep don't we do it too. Well at least they have us to help them face the same roads we have and yep we are still learning that too but with us being a little older (ha-ha) and having gone through these things many times we tend to bounce back and realize reality sooner than they do. Jenna, has a mom that listens to God and will be there to help her through every moment. I praise God for you and I'll be prayng for Jenna

Love ya

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Lynn, I love this. Oh, not that your daughter is hurting. I am thankful that she never met the boy as I think that would've made the break up even harder had she invested time with him and grown comfortable spending lots of time with him.

So what is it that I love...when you began to wonder why she wouldn't listen to you and then you heard God whisper to you.

For you see, I read blogs so I can't see the lines to come yet when I read your words "God sweetly said to my spirit" I instantly smiled and I KNEW what you were going to say. It was so sweet to my heart because I knew what you had realized about God's parenting over you. I knew that because I believe we are all like that. We wonder why children won't listen to us but we are exactly the same many times with the Father.

A piece that I wrote last night kind of ties in with not listening to God but rather kicking my fit like a child and screaming for my way. I hope to post it later this week after the BTE study.

HIS Daughter said...


I just love your sweet heart! Your writing just brings me into your world like a next door neighbor :-)

I have cried for months over my first boyfriend. He didn't lie, he just dumped me because I wouldn't "do it" with him. I was being a "good girl for Jesus" and saving myself.

He just stopped calling and then he picked my bestfriend to be interested in. I cried so much I couldn't believe it!

I prayed the Psalms and thought everyone was for my 15 year old broken heart.

Then at 16, the youth pastor raped me and I was so angry at everyone.

I have found the joy in all of that now, but I'm 49. Your daughter needs a Mom that will not let go of her easily. Some mistakes she has to make on her own, but in this world filled with evil - she needs a protector too.

I wish I had one then...but GOD knew and made something out of the ugliness. I love HIM so much for all HE did...

Blessings Sweet Girl!

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

Oh Lynn,
My heart breaks for your daughter, and the way God spoke to you through it... ~ I just prayed for her and also for you. It's so hard being a Mom sometimes. But in as much as we love our children, Father God loves them even more. Thank GOD she found out before things could have been much worse. PTL PTL PTL...