Raw Emotion

There is nothing like a good Psalm to adjust your attitude. Tonight I had to drive my daughter to her second counseling session. Against her will. She didn't want to go. As a matter-of-fact.. she said that if I made her go that she would just sit there and say nothing. The drive up there was anything BUT enjoyable. She screamed... I screamed... she cried... I tried not to cry. I know that this is the right thing to do, but making her go through the pain of it is not quite so easy. It is painful for me too.

I told the counselor when we arrived that she didn't want to come... and then I went to the bathroom to get on my face before the Lord and beg for his intervention. After I poured out my heart to Him... I headed for the lobby to wait. Something just kept telling me to go to Psalm 103. Now... lest you think that it just popped into my head out of nowhere... it didn't. I have spent some time in the past memorizing this Psalm. I know most of it by heart. As I read through it over and over... these lines kept jumping off the page to me...

"who redeems your life from the pit; and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

I started really praying those verses for my daughter.... and God impressed upon my heart not to stop with just those two verses... personalize the whole thing!! So this is how my Psalm 103 went...

"Praise the Lord O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise His Holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul;
I will not forget all of your benefits-

You can and will forgive all of our sins;
You heal all of our sin sick diseases,

You can redeem any life from the pit-
You are able to then crown them with love and compassion,

Father, you will satisfy all our desires with your good things- if we will let you;
You can renew our youth like that of the eagle's,

Lord, you work ALL for your righteousness;
and you bring justice for the hurt and oppressed,

You will make your ways known to those that love and seek you;
You show your wonderful deeds to your people too,

Father, you are compassionate and gracious to us;
You are slow to anger- I want to be like you,
You are abounding in love- fill my heart with it too,

You are not our accuser;
when you are angry you do not harbor it long,

Thankfully, you do not treat me as my sins deserve;
You have not repaid me according to my iniquities,

For as high as your heavens are above the earth that you created;
so great is your love for me and Jenna,

As far as the east is from the west;
so far you will remove our sins from your mind- if only we will ask you to.

As a Father should show compassion to his earthly children;
Your compassion for those that love and seek you is even greater,

You know how feeble we are... how we are formed;
You know that we came from the dust,

Our days are like the grass;
it can flourish like a flower in the field one day and be gone the next,

From everlasting to everlasting is your love is FOR me and FOR Jenna,
if only she will receive it,

You will be my righteousness, and it is for my children as well;
Please help me to keep my covenant to you and obey your precepts,

Lord, your throne is established in heaven;
and you rule in your kingdom over all,

Praise the Lord you angels;
you might ones that He created to do his bidding,

Praise the Lord all of you heavenly host;
you are His servants and you do His will,

Praise the Lord all of His works... all that He has made;
and please allow me to join in...

Praise you Lord, Praise you Lord!!... with all that I have and all that I am." Amen

Well... after that I was emotionally spent. I then started to work on my Bible study lesson. Of course it is a Beth Moore study... Living Beyond Yourself. She told a story of her daughter needing her help in the bathtub one night... her daughter said,

"last week I found a small knot in the back of my hair, and I tried to get it out with the brush. It hurt so much that I quit. Every day it's gotten bigger and bigger and now look!!! In the back, nearly all of her very thick, long hair was in a huge knot. The knot was so big and tight I could not imagine any other solution but scissors; yet I would have had to cut her hair to the scalp. I could not believe the mess. I sat down beside her, asking God for patience, and began to brush... one hair at a time! I tried to hold her hair as tight as I could so that she would not feel it pull, but finally the knot was too close for me to fit my hand between it and her head. The tears streamed down her cheeks. I asked, "Do you want me to stop?" "No, mommy. If you do I'll never get it out. Keep brushing." It took us many minutes to get through those tangles, and those minutes seemed like hours. Totally submitted to untangling the mess she was in, she rested her head in my lap and endured the pain. Her tears were not those of resistance. They were tears of submission: knowing that the end was worth the means."

Well.... thank you Father. I will endure this pain every week if need be. I so want you to untangle this mess that has grown into such a huge knot of rebellion, anger, hate, and hurt. I know that it is really her hair that is being brushed... but somehow my hair is tangled up in there too. My head can feel the pain and the pull too. But... it is my prayer that afterwards this painful hair brushing will leave us both with beautiful hair that glorifies my Father.


Also... Happy Thanksgiving!! Here are just a few of the things that I am thankful for:

The ladies that come to Bible study on Tuesdays

God allowing me to watch each of them grow in their relationship with Him

God's grace and mercy

My salvation

My family

My job

Chocolate anything... Especially milk

Skittles (and God knows which colors)

My heating pad that keeps me warm in the bed and on the couch

My church... all of it... the preacher and the choir... and everything in between

The desires that God puts into my heart to do His will... Even when it is not easy

The quiet in my house in the mornings before everyone else gets up

My little car that gets great gas mileage... And the low gas prices right now

Great Christian music... Turned up really load

Starbucks... Especially Pumpkin Spice Lattas

My mother-in-laws turkey and dressing

Eight hour lunches

Blueberry pop-tarts

The grocery game and coupons

A good nap

What about you? Have you made out a thankful list recently??

Judge or Jury?? Or Both??

This week I have been on jury duty. This is actually the first time that I have ever had the "privilege" to be on jury duty. And... I used the word "privilege" very loosely. The only up-close and personal experience that I have ever had with jury duty was when my husband served on a murder case. Yuck!! It didn't leave a very pleasant memory in my head. A young boy with a mental illness had left his home... a few states away... without his medication... and came to our area and killed both of his grandparents and their neighbors. My husband didn't sleep for about a month.... although the trial only lasted about a week. My husband and some of the other jurors felt mislead by the explanation of verdicts that they had to choose from... so about a month or two later... my husband had to go to court for the defense to try to get the young boy another trial.... but that didn't happen. I just remember that my husband had such a hard time with all of this. So... you can see the reason for my excitement when it was my turn to have jury duty.

I arrived Monday morning at the courthouse with about 100 other lucky people. When we were divided up into 3 groups.... of course, I was in the group that had to stay all day. We went up to the courtroom where thr trial was to begin. The defense attorney and the defendant were seated on one side of the courtroom... and our local prosecutor was seated on the other side. They randomly chose names from the jury pool to come up before the attorneys for them to make their choice of the "perfect" jury for the case. About 8 names into it.... they called my name. I went up... with my arms full... my jacket, my purse, and my bag with my "stuff" in it... you know... my current book for Lelia's study, the next book for Lelia's study, two different fiction books, my Beth Moore bible study workbook, my Bible, my hairspray, my comb, my mints, my gum, my chapstick... and probably many other things that I have forgotten about. There I stood.... in front of the prosecutor's table.... while he viewed several different pieces of paper in front of him. He announced... "present the juror". That meant that he would accept me... it was now up to the defense attorney. Before the sweet little lady in front of the courtroom could ask his opinion.... he said, "excuse this juror!!". That meant that he rejected me. WHAT??? Now... I didn't even want to be on this jury.... but what do you mean that YOU don't WANT me on this jury??? I made my way back to my seat... not sure how to feel about all of this.

It was over so quick. I just sat there while they called out other names and made their choices. I couldn't just look at the person on the outside and decide in my head if they would be chosen or rejected. Sometimes... I would think... "they will send that one away"... only to hear them accept them and put them in the jury box. Other times... I would think that they looked acceptable to me... only to hear them be rejected just like I was. What was that all about???

I thought about another courtroom scene. Where I will be the defendant... The enemy... my accuser... will be seated at his table. My defender, Jesus Christ, will be seated next to me at our table. There will be no jury.... thankfully. Their opinion of me will not matter. The Judge will be on His throne. When the enemy stands against me.... my Father, the Judge, will look over at my defender and declare me FORGIVEN!! No amount of "wrongs" in the past will be enough to convict me. WOW!! At that time... I will also be acceptable to the accuser... he would love to have a chance to have me. BUT... my defender... will not even wait on the question... he will be quick to say, "Oh! no you won't have her!!". I will be excused !!

I didn't really want to be on a jury. I was concerned about judging someone's innocence or guilt based on words and not on sight. I wanted to make sure that even if they were found guilty in our eyes.... they knew that they could be forgiven in God's eyes. I wanted to make sure that they understood that what they did... didn't have to make up who they are. I am glad that it turned out the way it did. I didn't have to sit in judgment of this person.

But... then why do I find myself being judgmental at other times?? That's a good question... when no one needs my opinion.... it seems to be so easy to find. But... when the state of South Carolina wanted me to pass judgment on someone.... well... suddenly it became a big deal to me. If nothing else.... God has used this experience to show me several things about Him... and myself.

God is so quick to show me mercy... and no one else's opinion of my sin matters.

God doesn't need my judgment of others... although I am often quick to think it.

When I am actually called to give a judgment of someone else's sin... that is when it suddenly becomes important to me to show mercy. Maybe it is because I would have to voice it to the actual person and not allow it to just sit in my head. What does that say about my opinion??

I cannot judge a person's value by their appearance. You would think that I would already know this... and I thought that I did. But sitting there, I found myself trying to decide if each person would meet the attorneys standards or not. Most of the time I was wrong. There again... what does that say about my opinion??

Man.... I want to be more like Him... I need to be more like Him. Quick to show mercy. Quick to see the potential of every person. Slow to judge... and only when it is necessary.

Although I thought this week was a complete waste... maybe it really wasn't. Thanks God!! I imagine that this was really what this week of jury duty was all about... not the poor man sitting at the defense table... but about me sitting as the judge and the jury.

Yes To God

Once again... this is my very late post about the great book that we are studying on Lelia's blog. We are reading Lisa Whittle's book, Behind Those Eyes. We are winding down on this study... I can't believe it is almost over.

I have to tell you ladies... I am not able to eat Skittles these days without thinking about the fact that God knows my favorite color Skittle. I know that it was such a simple statement in last week's reading... but it has left a lifetime's worth of impression on me. The last bag (snack size, of course) that I opened was overwhelmingly purple and red. I felt like God was looking down at me saying, "my little sweetie... this is just for you". He loves me that much. WOW!

On to this weeks chapter...

Chapter 9 We Are Completely Flawed Yet Forgiven

Lisa told us a story about her daughter intentionally smashing some potato chips on the floor at her son's school in front on the many others that passed by... her whole morning had been a mess from the beginning... to which Lisa said the only two words that she could come up with to explain her daughter's poor behavior was...

"Sin nature"

Well... that summed it right up. Our sin nature often leads us to do things that go against what we really know that we should be doing. There are so many times that I respond to my husband or my children in a way that is less than (okay... WAY less than) pleasing to God. I would have told you just moments before my outburst that I know that I shouldn't act that way... and maybe even that I wouldn't act that way. I cringe every time I see that "old self" come back to life in me... I so wish that it would just go away. But... I guess if it were really gone... I might forget that I truly need a Savior. But instead, so often I am sent back to the sweet feet of my Jesus asking him to forgive me for being my "old self".

Lisa then said,

"It's not that we can't do right or that we are helpless victims to our sin nature, but if we do not allow ourselves to be controlled by the Holy Spirit, our sin nature takes over. And that's when things get really messed up."

There is another mouth full. Being controlled by the Spirit. God so graciously sent His Holy Spirit to live inside of each believer... for that very purpose. To help us walk in victory over our sin nature. To keep our sin nature from taking over again. Being controlled by the Spirit is a job. It is not something that happens without effort. We must work at submitting to His authority. I wish that I could come up with a quick little formula to make this happen... but I am afraid that there is not one. So the battle continues.

Lisa also said,

"We are fleshly and flawed."

"For if there were no flaw, there would be no reason for forgiveness. And then we wouldn't get to see the awesome power of God miraculously at work in our lives."

I am pretty sure that if given the choice of walking in perfection... or seeing God's miraculous work in my life... I would choose to see God's work in my life. And... well.... he gives me many opportunities to see that as I battle my sin nature.

The next section of the book was about being completely forgiven. Lisa's example of her forgiveness for her child is about the best way for me to imagine God's forgiveness... but even at our best example, it still does not compare to God's forgiveness.

A while back I started to try to memorize scripture... my first attempt was Psalm 103. I did pretty good for a while... so many times I recited the line,

"as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us".

(just in case you think that I arrived at my goal... I just had to look the verse up to be sure that I had it correct!) I always let that description just flow over me... not really getting into my heart. Lisa's explanation of that made me really stop and think about it...

"...there is a measurable distance from the north to the south, but there is no measurable distance form the east to the west. God used those words because He wanted to illustrate for you and me that His forgiveness for us cannot be matched or measured. It is without condition or limits. There is no cap on how many times He will forgive us."

Wow. How much more could we ask for?? How much more could that inspire us to strive not to need that much??

Lisa also pointed out this scripture...

"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him." Daniel 9:9

I was stunned by that word... rebelled. Somehow... "disobeyed" makes it sound a little less severe. But... in reality, no matter what we call it... it is severe. Only God could forgive us so completely. I am so thankful... I will also rejoice in its truth.

If you are interested in seeing the many posts about this chapter... just click here. This has been quite a journey. I am so blessed to be making it with so many sweet ladies.

Also... God is working up a post in my head about the difference in being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper. Beth Moore started this whirlwind in my mind a few weeks ago in one of our video lessons in Living Beyond Yourself. I am really struggling with this. God is doing a work in my heart about it. I am not sure how it is going to turn out... but I want Him to do a work. I'll be back with that hopefully soon.

Yes To God...

This is part of a book study that we are doing on Lelia's blog, Write from the Heart. We are reading Lisa Whittle's book Behind those Eyes. I have loved this book. We are almost done... and I am not sure that I am ready for it to end. It's been great.

Chapter Eight We are completely loved and accepted completely

Lisa started this chapter with one of my favorite verses of scripture...

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

I just love the word "lavish". According to the dictionary, lavish means to expend or give in great amounts or without limit. Love in great amounts... and without limit. Doesn't that sound unbelievable?? Well... with God, we can believe it. Our view of love is so scarred by life... and our experiences. But God is not scarred by anything... except the nail scars on the wrist and feet of Christ that show his lavish love for us. Man.... that is some serious love.

Lisa shared many scriptures about God's love for us... another one of my favorites is...

"I have loved you with an everlasting love" Jer. 31:3

Lisa reminded us that in the story of the Samaritan women... we see God's gracious love. Jesus knew all about her... he knew that she would be at the well... he knew she was thirsty... he knew that he had exactly what she needed... AND WANTED. Lisa said,

"Jesus' love was the only answer for her thirsty heart. She didn't have to have a proper pedigree, and her past was of no eternal importance. All Jesus wanted to do was give her the gift of love she hadn't been able to find in anything or anyone else."

I am so glad that I don't need a proper pedigree... because I sure don't. And well... my past.... I am glad that it has no eternal importance. The Father knew all about that stuff when he called me to be His child... and He still called me. He still loves me... lavishly!

The most awesome statement for me in the whole chapter came at the bottom of page 139. I know that this may sound a little trivial to some... but Lisa said,

"Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that God knows your favorite color of skittles?"

That is an awesome thought to me. I don't even know my children's favorite color of skittles. I can't remember which one of my children doesn't like ketchup. I often offer my son popcorn... only to hear him say, "Mom! I am allergic to popcorn!". And I have only had about 15 or more years to remember that. I don't think that I have ever even told anyone my favorite color of skittles... of course I have one... actually two favorites.... but I haven't told anyone about them. He knows my favorite fast food restaurant. He knows my favorite song. He knows my favorite outfit. Don't you get it??? He really KNOWS me. I bet if I were to ask all of my children and my husband what my favorites are... not one of them could get every answer right. The way that they know me is nothing in comparrison to the way that God knows me. And He is the one that loves me best. That is more than I can comprehend.

Lisa then said,

"It never ceases to amaze me how God pauses every now and then to show me in a divine way that His acceptance of me is a nonissue."

This morning after I got up... I was slap-dab in the middle of a pity party... when I felt God calling me to meet Him in His Word. I opened my worn out Bible to Psalms... I read some of Psalm 84... then moved on to Psalm 86. It starts out like this....


"Hear, O Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you,
You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me."

There He was. Pausing to let me know that even in my needy state this morning... His love and mercy were still there. He hears me. He will answer me. He knows my favorite color of skittles, for heaven's sake!! That fact has stayed on my mind since the day that I read it. I don't expect that it will leave my mind any time soon. What is your favorite color of skittles?? I know someone that knows!! Yes, we are completely loved and accepted completely.

Hearing from God in the Zoo

Last night was my favorite night of the week. Bible study night!! I couldn't wait on the ladies to get here... My sweet man was even cooking our supper. Since he loves to cook outside.... it was hamburgers and hot dogs... and it was great!! We had looked forward to this for several weeks.

We all fixed our plates and sat down to get started. Sounds like everything is going great huh?? Well... about 20 minutes into the video... I decided to pause it and back it up. Only... I started the entire thing over. Then... I tried to fast forward to the right spot. When I thought that I might be close... I pushed "play" only to realize that I needed to fast forward again. Except... when I tried to fast forward again.... I restarted the whole thing for the second time. I decided to just go to the menu and start over. Only this time... we were on the wrong lesson. This happened for about 5 or 10 minutes. It was absolutely ridiculous. Talk about being "technology challenged"!! When I finally got it started over... on the correct lesson... one of our other ladies arrived... I laughed and told her that we held off the video just for her. Whew... surely things had to get better from there.

Wrong!! There we sit... all 8 of us. Two on the couch, three in the floor, two on the love-seat, and one in the queen of all chairs... the recliner. Along with two adult cats, 5 little hungry kittens following their weaning mother around like little ducks... two children laughing hysterically upstairs, (which I must admit... I loved hearing) and about that time.... here comes a weenie dog flying down the stairs, running through the living room with my husband and my daughter on its heels. Now keep in mind... Beth is trying to teach us something from God's Word. Our crazy dog loves one of the ladies in our group... and he was desperately searching for her... but the more my husband chased him... the more he ran. I felt like I was sitting in the zoo. Total chaos. You know... for a few little moments, I could hear the enemy saying in my ear, "you shouldn't even try to do a Bible study here".... "your family and house is like a zoo".... "these ladies are probably thinking that your family is a disaster".

I just looked at those ladies and said, "you know that I love you girls, right??" And I do. I am so blessed by that group of women. I love Tuesday nights... and start looking forward to them again by Wednesday morning.

You know... My God is faithful. He taught anyway. Right in the middle of all of the chaos and noise... He spoke to us about peace. How perfect, huh??? Peace that only comes from Him. It is His to give. According to John 14:27, Peace belongs to Jesus. Romans 8:6 tells us that the key to peace is the Holy Spirit. We must have the Holy Spirit to have real peace. We must have Jesus to have the Holy Spirit. So... there in the middle of my zoo... I had peace. God is not shocked by what goes on in my funny little zoo. He is not surprised that the enemy would try to use that zoo to distract us and discourage me. And I am not shocked that God would choose that very moment to teach us about a peace that defies circumstances.

Right now... there are many circumstances that challenge the peace in my heart. Finances, a wayward angry child, upcoming changes... the list goes on and on. God's desire for us is to have peace. This statement from our lesson stuck out to me... "to the degree that I submit to Christ's authority, is the exact degree that I will have peace". Think that through. If I want to have more peace... I have got to submit to Christ's authority in my life. The more I allow Him to rule... the more peace I will have.

Peace in the midst of the zoo. Peace in the midst of a storm. Peace in the midst of the tears. Peace in the midst of difficult circumstances. Peace... God's peace. I want it. I need it. It is available... anytime I choose to allow Christ to have authority in my heart.

I hope to be back soon with my Yes to God post for this week....

Yes To God Tuesday... or is it Thursday?

I feel like it has been ages since I have been on my blog... much less anyone else's. I have been doing something else... I am just not exactly sure what. I have also had a little bit of writer's block. I'm glad to be back.

This is part of a book study that Lelia from Write From the Heart is hosting. We are reading Lisa Whittle's book Behind Those Eyes. If you haven't read this book... it is great. You should run out and pick up a copy... after you read this post, of course.

Chapter 5 Ms. Spirituality

Now this chapter really spoke to me. I didn't want it to... but it did. Lisa started off with Ms. Spirituality's checklist. She has to make sure that she is all checked off.... Here is her list... with my check-marks....

Attends Church and Sunday School YEP!

Volunteers for non-profit and Christian organizations every chance she gets Do church "things" count?? Like Judgement House, Awana, and Decision Counselor?? If so, YEP!

Knows proper "Christanese" and uses it frequently YES! PRAISE THE LORD!

Collects money from others for the less fortunate opps.. I don't do this YET!

Listens to Christian Music, Radio, and only Christian TV YEP, YEP, and YEP if we had
Christian TV around here. That is if I watch TV at all.

Often wears Christian pin or T-shirt and has an emblem on her car YEP!

Attends at least one women's conference per year OF COURSE I DO!!

Prays for Missionary families.... Oh no... I have missed another one!!

If I (oops, I meant she) really needs to impress...

Attends midweek service and leads at least one church ministry YEP!

Journals or BLOGS... WHAT??? Even this???? YEP!

Gives money to the less fortunate Wonder if giving money to Life Today so that I can receive one of Beth Moore's resource counts??? If so, YEP!

Attends more than two women's conferences per year TRY TO!!!!

Well... after that little exercise... I had to stop and rest from the book a while and do some soul searching. I do many things on that list.... MANY things on that list... But the question is why do I do them??? Is it to make Lynn look better?? Probably more times than I would like to admit. If I do even one of them to make myself look better.... that is one too many.

I want my heart to be pure before the Lord. I want to do everything that I do for His glory... not mine. But it is so hard to kill this flesh that I live in.

As I continued on in the chapter, there were many things that Lisa said that stuck out to me...

"The point is not that Ms. Spirituality does these things, rather, why she does these things. Remember, it's all in the performance, not in the act itself."

That statement reminded me of what happened last Sunday. We have decision counselors at our church. They are available at the end of the service to provide needed counsel for anyone that responds to the invitation. That could either be for accepting Christ as their Savior, repentance, re-dedication, or anything else that God may has laid on their hearts during the service. Several weeks back, the church held a class for anyone interested in becoming one of these counselors... And you know that I signed up. There have been a few times that I have led someone to the Lord... but I figured that I could do it a lot better if I took a class on it. So after class, I came home... fixed myself a little Bible with underlined scripture, notes inside, and everything that I would need to be a decision counselor... and then I did nothing for the next couple weeks. This past Sunday we had such a powerful service... and I listened as the Pastor asked if anyone had prayed the prayer to receive Christ... one, two, three, four, five, six, maybe even more!! I knew that there would not be enough counselors down there.... so I reached in my bag and pulled out my "new" Bible with all the necessary stuff and went down front to wait to be called on..... And sure enough... The Pastor sent me a girl.

Well... I am horrified to tell you... that I have no idea what I said to her... no idea if she even got what I was telling her... and no idea what took place. I was so nervous. I was shaking. I was so worried about my performance that I couldn't even speak clearly. I am not sure that I even addressed her real need... which was to make sure that she had her eternity settled with the Father. Oh... I listened to her tell me that she remembered being saved as a child... I remember her telling me that she had not been living "right"... I remember spouting out a few verses about being saved... I remember rattling off a few more scriptures about assurance of salvation.... The whole time we could hear the Pastor announcing other decisions... I felt so rushed... I felt so much pressure... I thought that I would explode if church didn't end soon. Afterwards... I felt like a total failure. I was horrible at that. I couldn't believe that it was so hard. I was embarrassed that I had not done a better job. My "performance". Is that what that was??? I would have hoped not. But I can tell you that is all that I could think about for the rest of the day.... my performance.

Lisa then said,
"All of our good deeds and actions depend completely on the motive of our hearts."

I thought that my motives were pure. I am almost positive that they started out pure. But somewhere along the line... my performance became more important than her confession and her realization that she needed to surrender her life to Christ and allow Him to the the Ruler of her life. How did that happen???

Lisa said,

"There are many people sitting in church pews, attending visitation, teaching a Sunday School class, and volunteering for a mission project who are actually lacking spiritual depth in their relationship with Christ."

I think that was my problem. I will tell you the truth.... my quiet times over the last week or two just haven't been all they should be. I haven't felt intimate with my Heavenly Father for the last couple weeks. Now... I know that He is still in the same place... it is me that has moved. And I am working on that. But, I wasn't where I needed to be in my walk with Him to rest in his provision. I was worried about my performance... not looking for His power. I wonder if that is where Ms. Spirituality jumps in. You still know what is "right".... you are just not "right". Your body goes into automatic pilot... and you go through the motions. Your focus leaves the Father.... and you are just trying to keep doing what you know is "right". The problem is that if we don't come back into intimate fellowship with the Father... we may just become Ms. Spirituality all the time.

Then Lisa tells a story about a visitor in her Sunday School class. After class the women comes up and admits that she was concerned about bringing her husband to this class... because he is an alcoholic... but how excited she was when she started talking to the man sitting beside her and he shared that he was an alcoholic too. The visitor then said,
"Now I feel like someone here may be able to relate to him , after all."

Well... isn't that all of us??? We just want to know that we aren't alone in our struggles. We are just waiting on the next person to speak up and say that they are struggling so that we can spill our guts and know that we really do "fit in".

By the time that I ended that chapter... I was so relieved to find Lisa's statement,
"Fortunately for all of us, spiritual perfection is not a requirement to faith in Jesus Christ."

and then,

"Though we seek it, our lack of spiritual perfection may be the best thing in the world for us since it reminds us that we are absolutely nothing without Christ."

Now looking back... I know exactly why my first experience being a decision counselor needed to be a failure... Sorry Shelly.... I am praying for you.... otherwise... I may have continued to try to do it in my strength. My performance can never measure up to God's power. I know now that unless my walk is where it needs to be... I will stay in my seat . Or, instead, I will probably just crawl up to the alter myself and seek God's forgiveness for not being ready when He desired to use me.

I knew at the beginning of this study that the church is full of people being fake. The song that Lisa quoted is one of my favorites. I had hoped that I wouldn't find myself so guilty of being in the charade... but there again... I needed to see my failures so that God's power can be displayed.

I can't wait to finish this study. Next week we will be reading and discussing chapters six and seven. Join us back then... If you are interested in seeing if Ms. Spirituality stepped on anyone else's toes, just click here.


Also... if you are wondering about the situation from two of my last three post... well... we are still in the throws of it. I have done as much as I possibly can to prevent any communication between the two of them... which means canceling texting on our phones. There are some moments (very few) when she is thankful for what I am trying to do... but most moments she is angry at me for "butting" in. Don't you just hate that as her mother, I have had to "butt" in. Oh well. Thanks so much for your prayers. Keep them coming. I do not believe this is over yet.

Thank You to Ms. Joyful...

So busy... I haven't even posted (my first try at typing that said "pooted") my Yes to God post on Ms. Happiness. There is so much in there. And there is so much going on in my house right now. Just know that I need your prayers and God's wisdom. It has to do with the post below on Wisdom and Warnings. If you have ever heard Beth Moore talk about "flagging" you know what this means, "I am about Six Flags over Georgia right now". So many red flags are flying around me. I am trying to find help... but it is hard to find. I need an inside track at Verizon Wireless.. one that is not afraid to save my daughter... and possibly loose their job. Know anyone like that?? If so, let me know. I hope to be back soon with my post on Ms. Happiness. I am so glad that my joy is not dependent on my circumstances. Real joy is from an inside source. Thank You Lord.