Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Raw Emotion

There is nothing like a good Psalm to adjust your attitude. Tonight I had to drive my daughter to her second counseling session. Against her will. She didn't want to go. As a matter-of-fact.. she said that if I made her go that she would just sit there and say nothing. The drive up there was anything BUT enjoyable. She screamed... I screamed... she cried... I tried not to cry. I know that this is the right thing to do, but making her go through the pain of it is not quite so easy. It is painful for me too.

I told the counselor when we arrived that she didn't want to come... and then I went to the bathroom to get on my face before the Lord and beg for his intervention. After I poured out my heart to Him... I headed for the lobby to wait. Something just kept telling me to go to Psalm 103. Now... lest you think that it just popped into my head out of nowhere... it didn't. I have spent some time in the past memorizing this Psalm. I know most of it by heart. As I read through it over and over... these lines kept jumping off the page to me...

"who redeems your life from the pit; and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

I started really praying those verses for my daughter.... and God impressed upon my heart not to stop with just those two verses... personalize the whole thing!! So this is how my Psalm 103 went...

"Praise the Lord O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise His Holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul;
I will not forget all of your benefits-

You can and will forgive all of our sins;
You heal all of our sin sick diseases,

You can redeem any life from the pit-
You are able to then crown them with love and compassion,

Father, you will satisfy all our desires with your good things- if we will let you;
You can renew our youth like that of the eagle's,

Lord, you work ALL for your righteousness;
and you bring justice for the hurt and oppressed,

You will make your ways known to those that love and seek you;
You show your wonderful deeds to your people too,

Father, you are compassionate and gracious to us;
You are slow to anger- I want to be like you,
You are abounding in love- fill my heart with it too,

You are not our accuser;
when you are angry you do not harbor it long,

Thankfully, you do not treat me as my sins deserve;
You have not repaid me according to my iniquities,

For as high as your heavens are above the earth that you created;
so great is your love for me and Jenna,

As far as the east is from the west;
so far you will remove our sins from your mind- if only we will ask you to.

As a Father should show compassion to his earthly children;
Your compassion for those that love and seek you is even greater,

You know how feeble we are... how we are formed;
You know that we came from the dust,

Our days are like the grass;
it can flourish like a flower in the field one day and be gone the next,

From everlasting to everlasting is your love is FOR me and FOR Jenna,
if only she will receive it,

You will be my righteousness, and it is for my children as well;
Please help me to keep my covenant to you and obey your precepts,

Lord, your throne is established in heaven;
and you rule in your kingdom over all,

Praise the Lord you angels;
you might ones that He created to do his bidding,

Praise the Lord all of you heavenly host;
you are His servants and you do His will,

Praise the Lord all of His works... all that He has made;
and please allow me to join in...

Praise you Lord, Praise you Lord!!... with all that I have and all that I am." Amen

Well... after that I was emotionally spent. I then started to work on my Bible study lesson. Of course it is a Beth Moore study... Living Beyond Yourself. She told a story of her daughter needing her help in the bathtub one night... her daughter said,

"last week I found a small knot in the back of my hair, and I tried to get it out with the brush. It hurt so much that I quit. Every day it's gotten bigger and bigger and now look!!! In the back, nearly all of her very thick, long hair was in a huge knot. The knot was so big and tight I could not imagine any other solution but scissors; yet I would have had to cut her hair to the scalp. I could not believe the mess. I sat down beside her, asking God for patience, and began to brush... one hair at a time! I tried to hold her hair as tight as I could so that she would not feel it pull, but finally the knot was too close for me to fit my hand between it and her head. The tears streamed down her cheeks. I asked, "Do you want me to stop?" "No, mommy. If you do I'll never get it out. Keep brushing." It took us many minutes to get through those tangles, and those minutes seemed like hours. Totally submitted to untangling the mess she was in, she rested her head in my lap and endured the pain. Her tears were not those of resistance. They were tears of submission: knowing that the end was worth the means."

Well.... thank you Father. I will endure this pain every week if need be. I so want you to untangle this mess that has grown into such a huge knot of rebellion, anger, hate, and hurt. I know that it is really her hair that is being brushed... but somehow my hair is tangled up in there too. My head can feel the pain and the pull too. But... it is my prayer that afterwards this painful hair brushing will leave us both with beautiful hair that glorifies my Father.


Also... Happy Thanksgiving!! Here are just a few of the things that I am thankful for:


The ladies that come to Bible study on Tuesdays

God allowing me to watch each of them grow in their relationship with Him

God's grace and mercy

My salvation

My family

My job

Chocolate anything... Especially milk

Skittles (and God knows which colors)

My heating pad that keeps me warm in the bed and on the couch

My church... all of it... the preacher and the choir... and everything in between

The desires that God puts into my heart to do His will... Even when it is not easy

The quiet in my house in the mornings before everyone else gets up

My little car that gets great gas mileage... And the low gas prices right now

Great Christian music... Turned up really load

Starbucks... Especially Pumpkin Spice Lattas

My mother-in-laws turkey and dressing

Eight hour lunches

Blueberry pop-tarts

The grocery game and coupons

A good nap


What about you? Have you made out a thankful list recently??

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13 comments:

Beverly said...

Lynn, you are so special. thanks for sharing your intimate feelings about you and Jenna. Now I'm crying, just like I did when I was also doing my Bible study about the little girl. God will intervene (you may have to carry this baggage a little while longer) but God will release your package one day and what a reunion the two of you will have together and oh what glory God will get on that day!
Happy Thanksgiving.
I love ya'll

Jill said...

Lynn, You are in my prayers as is Jenna. Thank you for sharing what was on your heart - it's amazing to see how God provided just what you needed in the Psalm and your Bible study. He knows, He feels your pain and He has a plan. I was thinking tonight how a friend told me during a difficult time how we can see life like an unfinished quilt - often times we see the underside - nothing but a tangled mess, but He sees the big picture and knows He's creating something beautiful!! Hold on and endure the brushing won't last forever!! Happy Thanksgiving to you too, I'm off to make my list!! Blessings, Jill

Amy said...

I will say a prayer for you and your daughter.

I also pray that you and your family have a lovely Thanksgiving.

I loved your thankful list..I have made a mental one myself. There is so much to be thankful for if we just take the time to slow down and realize it.

God Bless,
Amy:)

Melanie said...

You are such a picture of a mother's heart fighting for the good of her child. It may not always seem like a pretty picture at the time but where would many of us be without one much like it? Lynn, my prayers are with you and Jenna and praise God for his goodness and faithfulness for leading you to those verses again and again. There is shelter and healing in His wings as you continue to abide there by and in His strength.

I pray you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Melanie

Tracy said...

Wow!!! What a powerful post. That one hits home in a big way, Lynn. God will indeed carry you and Jenna through this time. Know that I'll be lifting the two of you in prayer.

Loved your thankful heart my friend. Looking forward to creating a list of my own. = )

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family.

Blessings,
Tracy

Regina said...

You are such a special friend. And a wonderful mother. I pray that God blesses you beyond measure this Thanksgiving.

Love you,
Regina

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

Oh Lynn,
I'm so glad I came here this morning and read this.
I will be praying for you and your daughter.
It sure is incredible the hurts we feel when our children are hurting.
A MOTHER'S LOVE.
Lea

Beverly said...

I love your new design. I want a new look to mine as well, but so busy haven't even had time to think about that. Love ya and sure did miss you guys this week. See you tomorrow!

Tammy said...

Love the look.

It's hard being a parent at times. You so much want the best for your children that you have to do things that doesn't make a lot of sense to them.

I can't tell you how many times I have to tell my daughter,that right now in her life she needs a mother not a friend.

My heart goes out to you,I will be praying for you.

Jennifer said...

Came across your blog..and enjoyed "visiting" with you. I'm going to put you on my favs. I've had some of those times in taking my son to some of his counseling sessions! Thank you for sharing with what was on your heart. You have a beautiful family~~and the dog is a cutie.

Pamela (MrsJoeB) said...

What a special post. It reflect how God is with us...always working on us, always praying for us. I don't know what is going on with your daughter but I pray God will work in this quickly. Rest in knowing He cares so very much for you both and he knows your heart completely!

In His Graces~Pamela

jcdisciple said...

Lynn,

It's been a while. Thanks for stopping by to see me the other day. I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this. It's a tough time in life...I wouldn't go back there for a million dollars. I'm glad I stopped by so I can spend some time on my face before the Lord for you both. I hope the Lord is sustaining you guys financially as well...I know He is. I'll keep praying for both of these needs...you just keep going forth. I'm glad to hear you all are still in the LBY study...it turned my whole life around and the Lord hasn't stopped growing me since then.

In the Love of Christ,

Amanda B.

Truth4thejourney said...

This was a great post. I loved that story and I could relate (with 5 girls!). There are times when we just have to detangle our lives. This is a great analogy, thanks for sharing it!

Sonya