One of the hard things about parenting...

You know... I wish someone had really warned me about how painful parenting really is. I doubt that I would have listened... but I would have remembered their warning now.

There have been many hard things that I have had to do as a parent. Some have to do with disciplining my children. Some have to do with keeping them from doing some of the things that they want to do... but one of the hardest is to watch them hurt or suffer.

Last year... about this same time... I took my youngest daughter to the eye doctor. At her request. She loved to try on my reading glasses... so when she told me that she couldn't see very well, I just thought that she wanted to wear glasses like mine. I actually put her off for about a month before I made the appointment. She asked me several times a week.... "have you made my appointment yet?"... to which I always answered, "no, not yet." The day finally arrived to go to the doctor.... and boy was I shocked when she couldn't read anything expect the big "E" with her left eye. So... she got her first pair of glasses that day. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I couldn't believe that she had been telling me this for a month or more.... and I ignored her. It killed me on the inside. She was absolutely thrilled.



Fast forward to last Tuesday. It was time for her one year check up. So.... imagine my shock when she climbed up in the chair.... with her glasses ON... and with that same little left eye... could only read that same big "E" on the top line. WHAT?? One year ago these glasses corrected the vision in her left eye to 20/20. Now... she can barely read the top line of the chart. So our newest solution is wearing new glasses, patching the GOOD eye, to hopefully strengthen that left eye. So this is her today... and for 8 hours everyday....



This picture shows her smiling.... but believe me when I tell you it was only for the picture. She started wearing it on Wednesday. Within the first couple hours, we went through about 10 patches. It itched. She pulled it off to scratch. It wouldn't stick back. She cried. It got wet from the tears. It was uncomfortable. We changed it again. We finally got one on that seemed to be comfortable... and dry. So... off to church we go. The closer we got to church, the more nervous she got. By the time we pulled into the parking lot... she was crying again. She didn't want to go in to the childrens activities with the patch on. She was afraid that the other children would make fun of her. So after about 10 minutes of watching her hurt and worry.... I told her to take it off.

To some... I know that this may not be a big deal. But to this mom... it is a huge deal. I hate to think that she is going to have to wear this everday for at least a month or more. It is painful to watch her try to cover it up with her hair while we are in public. It is painful to watch the other children stare at her. It is painful to watch her look at the ground while others are around... to keep them from making eye contact with her. It is killing me.

God must feel exactly the same when his children are hurting. As we suffer through difficult times in our lives. As we endure the consequences of poor decisions. As we ask 'why?" when we don't understand what is going on around us. He knows that He has our best interest at heart. He knows what will bring us to the place where He wants us to be.... so that we can bring Him glory.

So... knowing that it is for her best... I will stand back and watch her go through this. With His help I will continue to encourage her... and pray that this will accomplish its purpose. Sometimes is just hard to see the big picture in our little worlds.

Summer Time...

It's summer. Our schedules are more relaxed. We get to sleep later. We have more time for fun. But, one thing that I really like about summer is that my Tuesday night Bible study girls don't have to rush home to get children in the bed for school the next morning. This allows us more time for discussing our current lessons. I am especially glad about that this week.... I think that my girls might even want to bring their pajamas tonight. This week has been a doosey!!

When we were finishing up our last study... I started praying about what study God would have us do next. I had narrowed it down to two or three different studies. I prayed and prayed for direction.... but I just didn't feel completely led to one study. When I talked with the group about them.... they kept bringing up the title of another study. Beth Moore's study... Breaking Free. Now... I've done that study before. And.... in my mind, I kept thinking.... "we are not doing that". Not because it isn't a great study.... but it is personal and intense. I just didn't think I could lead that. Well... in the next 24 hours, God made it pretty clear to me that this was the study He wanted us to do. So we started 2 weeks ago.

Oh my.... God has just thrilled me with this study so far. I have so much highlighted and written on the sides of my pages. I can't wait til tonight. Will you let me share some of it with you?????

**According to Isaiah 43:10 one of my chief purposes on this planet is to know God intimately! He wants me to know Him... and believe Him. Not just believe IN Him... but believe Him... what He says about himself... and about me.

**God never sheds light on our weaknesses or shortcomings for the sake of condemnation... only to make us aware of hinderances so He can set us free!! Only when I come face-to-face with my weaknesses can I allow Christ to heal me and make me whole and free.

**According to John 8:32 Christ continually uses the TRUTH as the means to our destination. It is His Word that will lead me to freedom.

**AND our destination is freedom according to Gal. 5:1. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

**This statement just about brought me to tears.... A person can receive Christ as Savior, serve Him for decades, and meet Him face-to-face in glory without ever experiencing satisfaction IN Him on this earth. Oh Lord.... please don't let that be anyone in my Bible study group.... or anyone else for that matter. How tragic. To be satisfied with Christ... that is enough to make me have a spell.

**Along with the statement above.... there is a huge difference between salvation from sin and satisfaction of the soul. Salvation secures our lives for all eternity. Soul satisfaction insures abundant life on earth. I want the abundant life here on earth as well as security for eternity.

**The key to peace is authority. When we allow the Prince of Peace to govern our lives, peace either immediately or ultimately results. Peace accompanies authority.

I wish that I could share every single thought here.... but there is just too much.

I started this post on Tuesday morning.... and here it is on Thursday. Can I just tell you that I wasn't the only one that had lots to say on Tuesday night?? We were able to talk about three out of the five days worth of questions..... in almost 4 hours. No time for the video teaching. We will have to finish up next week. Now, that is a lot of talking.

I can see that God is up to something huge in our little group. I can't wait. I am so thankful to be an eye-witness to HIS work.

I hope that God is up to something in your life too. Why don't you tell me a little bit about it??

Not guilty...

You have got to listen to this..... I have said before how much I LOVE Mandisa... but this will show you why...











There is nothing that I can add to this.......... my hands are in the air!!!!!!
Face to the ground!!!!

When God doesn't obey.....

Okay... I am way behind. I was suppose to post the winner of the giveaway this past weekend... and I am just now getting around to it... And the winner is...

Tammy from Not Mine but God's story

Tammy please send me your mailing address and I will get this little prize out to you.

On to what is on my mind today....

God is tricky sometimes. Okay, well... HE is really not tricky... but things about Him are. How do you prove to someone that God is good. Especially when He is not doing what they want Him to do??? I love it when Beth Moore says, "when God doesn't obey". And that is what we want isn't it?? We want Him to obey us. He want Him to do what we want Him to do. But fortunately.... God doesn't work that way.

And yes, I said fortunately.

If God did everything that we think we want Him to do... we would all be in a mess. Everyone would have more than enough money.... leaving us with no way to reach out and show God's love to others. Everyone would have perfect children... leaving us no way to teach them about forgiveness. Everyone would be healthy... both physically and mentally... leaving us no way to pour out our lives to help others, to show compassion and love in their times of trouble. And everyone would be saved and headed to Heaven... leaving us no way to serve God and carry out the great commission. And we would just be so self-sufficient that we would no longer need God. We just can't have what we want all the time. There are times that God has to say "no" to what we want. And even to somethings we think we NEED. It is all according to His calendar... not our watch.

I am glad that I can trust in my heart that if God says "no"... or "not now" it is because He can see the big picture and knows what is best for me and the ones around me. Not to mention for His Glory. I have been in some places that I would rather not be... but with God... knowing what I know about Him... and His character..... I can endure and persevere. I can lean on the verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 that says....

"Rejoice always, pray continually, and GIVE THANKS in ALL circumstances, for this IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU in Christ Jesus."

I believe that God has a purpose in every circumstance that He allows me to be in. I can rest in that. I have come to realize that I don't have to like the circumstance.... but I can know that He is there... and it is His will for me to be there... for His glory. I am glad for the faith that HE has given me to trust in Him in times that seem bad.

But what do you do for someone that can't trust that??? Someone that just doesn't have that belief or trust into their heart yet????

That is where I am sitting today. I have come to the conclusion that I can't prove God's goodness to anyone. And I want to . I want to pour out some of what I have... into their heart so that they can trust too. Persevere. Endure. Grow. Believe. Trust. Wait. BUT I can't.

This morning I looked up every verse that speaks of goodness. They were all great verses.... but even they can't prove to someone that God is good. It comes from experience. It comes from walking the hard path. It comes from being in places that you don't want to be... and then coming out on the other side. Looking back. It comes from faith. It comes from studying God's Word and seeing the way He has dealt with man over time.

I have no answers. All I have is faith and trust.... How do you give it to someone else??

Any thoughts?? I'd love to hear them.

Seeing through someone else's eyes

My husband and I just celebrated our 22st wedding anniversary. We dated for almost 7 years before we got married... so we have been together for a LONG time. Like most married couples... we have had some really good times... and some really bad times. But to the Glory of God... we are still loving each other.

One thing that I really hate is.... I think I have stopped "seeing" him. What I mean by that is that I just go through my days... not noticing what he does. Let me give you an example.... I have noticed several times over the last couple months that I catch people talking about the "good things" he does.... that I didn't even notice. Several times I have caught some of my Tuesdays bragging on him. (my Sweet Tuesdays are my Bible study ladies) Like... he vacuums for me most Tuesdays before they get there... He will often cook enough food to share with them while they are there... He will run through the living room to catch the dogs so that they don't get in the way of our class.... (like he is not a distraction as he runs through.... but it is the thought that counts, right?). One of them has even pointed out that he needs to give lessons to other husbands...... I have realized that I don't really give him enough credit for all he does to help me. I don't always notice when he loads the dishwasher.... or empties it. I don't always notice that the clothes that I left in the dryer are folded and in the baskets... I don't notice how he seems to not mind at all that I don't cook him supper. And I don't seem to notice all the times that he makes tea. (which we discussed MANY years ago... and it is clearly my job.. AND I don't mind) The other day, one of my friends pointed out how sweet he was to cook us dinner and then clean up the kitchen while she and I went for a walk... the list seems to go on and on. Hearing someone else brag on your husband for something that you didn't even notice is quite sobbering. I don't like that... I don't mind at all when they brag on him... I just hate that somehow I have stopped seeing it. I am trying to watch for those things now... and give him the kuddos when he deserves it. And... I am sure that I still miss many opportunities to thank him.

I know the same is true for the "world" that I see. I don't always see it through God's eyes. I am looking through my eyes. The frustration. The inconvenience. The people. The needs. I filter them through my eyes... and my perspective. Not God's... which is what I need to be doing. How else can I try to make a difference in the world if I am not seeing things like God does??? I have really been thinking about this a lot lately. I need to put on my "God" glasses so that I can see more clearly.

I want to thank my husband for all the sweet things he does for me and our family. I want to let him know how much I love him and appreciate what he does. I want to stop looking through my eyes... and look through God's eyes. Then.... I think things will become much clearer.

Thanks Brad for all the things that you do for me and our family. You are a good man!! I am sorry that I don't tell you that as often as I should. I'm am blessed to have you!! And... thank you for putting up with me for the last 29 years. I love you!

AND... not only have we celebrated our wedding anniversary... this is my 100th post. So... in honor of this post... I will have a giveaway on May 28th. Just post a comment about something or someone you are thankful for. I can't wait to hear from you.

Moving like a snail...

There is just something about getting older. I weigh more... I don't have the energy that I used to... not as active... can't see without granny glasses.... and the list goes on and on. I had talked to God about this a while back... and knew that He told me to start walking some. But I just hadn't started it yet. This past week in my Bible study we were challenged to think of something that we had inquired of God about... gotten His instruction... and we were still waiting to obey. Well... He so graciously reminded me about walking. So a week ago... I started walking in my neighborhood. I don't do it everyday... my work schedule messes me up a couple times a week... but I have started.

The first day... I walked in silence. I could hear the birds singing and had time to think about lots of things. The second time... I walked and quoted my scripture memory verses. Then yesterday... I decided to use my daughters i-Pod. There is a great album on there of Francesca Battistelli. It was all I could do to walk... quietly. I wanted to dance. I wanted to jump up and down. And... I wanted to sing.... loudly.... like I do in the car. But... I like where we live... and I want to stay here. So I tried REALLY hard not to sing. I'm not sure if I succeeded or not. Anyway... while I was walking one of those days.... I saw a snail working to hard to cross the road.

I stopped and watched him. He was barely making it. He was moving so slow that I couldn't tell if he was making any progress or not. I thought to myself.... poor thing... he has to carry his house on his back. Then I tried to imagine how it would be if I had to carry my house on my back. There is no way I could stand under the weight of it. The more I thought about carrying things on my back... the slower I walked. Then I thought about all the things that I have carried on my back... that I didn't have to. Guilt. Shame. Unforgiveness. Jealousy. Struggles. Anger. Bitterness. Hurt. Man... it is amazing that I am still standing. My back should be broken in half by now. And... sometimes I would take it off my back... and just pack it away in my baggage... and just pull it around with me.

The thing is... God is more than willing to carry our "stuff" around for us. He calls out to us in
1 Peter 5:7...

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you. (NLT)

So why don't we do that?? And what about the times we do give them over to Him... and then we go back and pick them up again?? God has offered to be our caddy... to carry our heavy load for us.

Also in Matthew 11:28-30...

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light".

When we weigh ourselves down with things that God would carry for us... we move slowly just like that snail. Our walk with the Lord may slow to a crawl as well. Our shoulders weren't made for that load... but God's were. Sometimes life is just too heavy.

Why, Oh why.... would we carry around a bunch of stuff we don't have to?? I so want to give all my cares and burdens to the Lord. I want His light load. I want rest for my soul. And something tells me that if someone were to offer to carry his house... that snail would take them up on it.

And... now I know why God was so insistant on my walking... He has so much to teach me.

Spiritual Banking....

I will be the first one to admit that I don't always do really well with my checkbook. There have been many times that I have forgotten to write down a debit card purchase... only to realize later in the week that I am overdrawn. Now.... I don't know about you... but if I am overdrawn... I really don't have any extra money to give the bank for the fee. But... they take it anyway. Which only makes my bad situation worse. My checking account has money going in.... and money going out.

Imagine my thrill this week while I was listening to a Beth Moore teaching CD on the book of Romans. She was teaching in chapter 4. This is what verse 3 says...

"What does Scripture say? Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness"

then in verse 9...

"Is this blessedness only for the circumcised, or also for the uncircumsied? We have been saying that Abraham's faith was credited to him as righteousness."

and yet again in Genesis 15:6

"Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness"

She explained that the word "credited" is a banking term. It is added to our account. Like our spiritual checking account... picture that.... God making a deposit into MY account. I was thrilled to think of God filling out a deposit slip for my account. That was enough to make me jump up and down.

She then moved down to verse 7 and 8...

"Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him."

The word "count" is also an accounting term. She explained that this verse tells us that our sins are not counted against us... they don't get deposited into an account. They are gone. There is not a "sin account".... only a righteousness account. Well.... that thrilled me again.

God is not making a list of our sins... they are thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. Sins that are confessed... God promises to forgive them. (1 John 1:19)

The only thing that gets deposited into our spiritual righteousness account is when we exercise our faith. It is our faith... that makes God get out the deposit slips and make a deposit into our account. Okay... I could grasp that..... BUT then she said....

"not even our righteousness gets deposited into the righteousness account..." Did you get that?? All the righteous things that we do don't even make a difference in our righteousness account. The only deposits that are made is when we exercise faith.

Now... I don't know... that might not do a thing for you. Or maybe you had already thought that one out before. If so, just pardon me while I get excited about it.

Think about it... when we exercise our faith... our account just gets bigger and bigger. When we sin... it doesn't decrease the balance in our account. When we "do" all those righteous things that we do... our account doesn't get bigger. Just faith... Believing God... Trusting God... makes our account get fatter.

Maybe if my regular bank account worked like that I could keep from overdrawing... deposit... deposit... deposit.... nothing coming back out. Don't you wish it really worked like that at the bank.