Somewhere in the Middle

When a beating feels good....

2009-11-04T11:04:00.002-05:00

This may or may not make any sense to anyone but to me and God.... but I feel like I want to put it out there anyway....

This has happened more than once in the past month or so.... I just got a beating from God.

This is how I really know that I belong to God.... not that I doubted, but this is just the proof.

Lately my mind has been being consumed more and more with something. And it was not God. But something that I WANTED to fix or control. My mind and my appetite for this had begun to take control of my thought life. I thought about it constantly... I tried to reason out that it was to protect someone I love. and with that excuse... I could justify what I was doing. Is trying to protect my loved one wrong? No, I don't believe it is. Was my thought life being consumed with the wrongs of someone else a sin? Oh yes.... I know it was.

God in His great mercy... in His great love for me... put a stop to it today. He showed it to me for what it really is.... SIN.

He just wouldn't let me be. He wouldn't let me keep going. Just like a parent that sees something in their child that they know is harmful... He knew the road that I was on was not good... so He opened my eyes to that today. I think my eyes were already at least halfway opened... but with them only halfway opened... I could just ignore the little nudging that I felt. But today.... I was smacked in the head with it.... STOP IT!! This is sin!!

Although it was painful for a few moments.... it was like a hand delivered invitation to get "right" with Him. God desires for me to stay in a "right" relationship with Him. And my mind being consumed with the wrongs of others had put a wedge in my "right" relationship with Him.

It was like a beating.... that felt good in the end.

Hebrews 12:5b-6 says,

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
Because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

then it goes on to say in verses 10-11,

"Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those have been trained by it."

I so love the Lord.... He is so merciful and loving. He knows my heart. He knows the motives of my heart... even when I don't. OR even when I ignore them. But as my Father.... He disciplines me so that in time... I can share in His holiness. So that I can produce a harvest of righteousness because I have been trained by his discipline. AND.... then there is that peace. The peace that comes when you confess your sin to Him... believing He is faithful and just to forgive you... and catching back up with Him on the path. A right walk. Walking closely together.

The bottom line is that I didn't need to think that I could control anything. (umm... there is another sin... pride) By doing that... I was trying to take God's job. He is the one in control. And I am so thankful that He loves me enough to discipline me. For my own good. So that I can share in his holiness... and produce a harvest of righteousness and peace... because I have been trained by it. I pray that God always finds me willing to take a greatly needed beating for my own good... for His name's sake.

The pain of others....

2009-10-22T09:05:00.002-04:00

Man! It has been over two months since I have posted on my blog. Where did that time go??

What brings me back to my blog today is the pain of others. Why is it that the pain of others hurt more than your own?? Maybe it is because when I am going through something painful... I HAVE the peace that passes all understanding and the comfort of my Heavenly Father.... knowing that God loves me and has my best interest at heart.... but when I hurt for others.... I can't pass that along to them. I just have to sit back and hurt for them.

My brother is really going through a terrible time right now. His wife of 4 years left him about two weeks ago.... and this week he had to put his "best friend" to sleep because of an aggressive liver cancer... after having him for 12 years. Well... if that isn't enough to knock your feet out from underneath you.... I don't know what is. Watching him go through this is miserable for me. I don't want to lose my husband.... or my sweet dogs... but I would rather have to go through this myself than to watch him struggle through it. Isn't that the craziest thing??

God tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that....

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"

To me... that tells me that at the very moment of my weakness.... or pain.... that is when His grace is sufficient for me. Not three hours before.... not three hours later. That is why so often when we look at the life of others.... and wonder how in the world they can go through what they are going through... it is because His grace is sufficient at that moment for them... NOT us. Even when they seem to be handling things in such a gracious way.... watching them is so painful... because the grace is theirs for that moment.... not ours.

Thankfully the Bible has much to say about being brokenhearted...

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"

Isaiah 61:1 "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me because the Lord has anointed me to
preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim
freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners."

Each one of them speaks to the great care and love that God has for the brokenhearted. The last one.... Isaiah 61:1... is the job description for Jesus Christ. That is what He came here for.... to give us the good news... to bind up our brokenness... to free us from bondage... and bring us into His light.

That is something to be thankful for. Knowing that God's Word is 100% true... I am choosing to take that to the spiritual bank.

In Romans 12... the writer, Paul... gives us some instructions for living the christian life.... in verse 15 he says....

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."

So... in the meantime.... that is what I will do. Mourn with him as he mourns. Cry with him as he cries. Wait on God as he waits on God.

You know.... life sure is hard sometimes. But God's Word is true.... and God is always GOOD. And none of that depends upon our circumstances.... BUT on God himself.

You know... there is something else that I have realized recently. When you tell others of your pain... or the pain of your loved ones.... no one can really take on the full extent of the pain. It just rolls right off their backs. They don't mean for it too.... it just doesn't bring the same pain to their heart.

Proverbs 14:10 says this...

"Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."

Each heart alone feels the extent of the burden. No one else can share in that... 100%. The only one that can feel the exact burden we have is Jesus himself. That would explain our intense need for Christ during such a heartbreaking time. He is the only one that can totally understand our pain... AND better yet.... He is the only one that can do something about it. He came to bind up our broken hearts.

This is how much God loves us.... and this is worth jumping up and down for.

Isaiah 43:1-4 in the Message

"But now, God's Message,
the God who make you in the first place, Jacob.
The One who got you started Israel:
Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You are mine.
When you are in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you are in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Bush and Seba thrown in!
THAT'S how much you mean to me!
THAT'S how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you."

I just love that.... He would trade creation just for me... just for you... and just for my brother. And... sell off the whole world... now that is love. I am so thankful for the comfort that comes from knowing that He truly loves me... and my brother. So... in the meantime I will be waiting on the Lord.

The Rubber Band...

2009-08-08T06:32:00.005-04:00

Have you ever just felt like something is missing?? Can't really put your finger on it, but you know there is something missing?? Well... I have had that feeling for the last couple weeks. I had been doing all the same things.... but it just didn't feel the same.

So... I spent last weekend at the Deeper Still event with Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer, and Beth Moore. Those ladies didn't hold anything back. They really brought a Word from God. I thought I had received "my" Word. Priscilla really spoke to my heart about believing that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. (Ephesians 3:20) I took that as "my" Word. There are so many times that I just ask God for the bare minimum... when I could ask Him for more.... because He is more than able to deliver. Like.... when I pray that my children will all come to know Him. When I could be asking Him to fill my children with an unbelievable love for Himself. Does that make sense?? There are many more examples that I could give.... but that's not the purpose of this post.

Monday, while reading the Living Proof Ministry Blog... I look through some of the comments that others had written about the Deeper Still event. There right in front of my face was a truth that slapped me right in the head.... someone else's comment included the statements that Beth said..... "if you are wondering what is missing, it's the FELLOWSHIP" and "in-depth Bible study is not fellowship". I just sat there. I realized that was it. Now... if the rest of you are shocked at that.... I am so sorry. I wish that it wasn't the truth, but I do believe that it is. I hope that none of you have ever experienced that.... but the truth is the truth.

First of all.... how did I miss that?? I heard her say that. I was listening. I knew that she said that. It just didn't register in my mind. But Monday.... it sure did.

That is what it is. I believe that I have been missing the fellowship. I have been "doing" the stuff. The Bible study, the prayer time, church, you know.... the stuff. But.... somewhere, I think I left the fellowship on the side of the road.

So... I sat down and just poured out my heart to the Lord. Seeking His forgiveness.... and begging Him to refresh me. I felt like I wanted to do something to "remind" myself of His constant presence.... and His desire to fellowship with me at every moment. So... I found myself a rubberband and put it on my left wrist.

Well.... Monday night I went to work. In case you don't know.... I work in the Emergency Room at a local hospital. I put gloves on and take them off at least 100 times a day. At some point... I looked down and the rubber band was gone. I guess while taking off my gloves, I slipped it of too. I wondered.... "how long has it been gone"?? I couldn't remember feeling it come off. It happened without my noticing it. I thought about my fellowship with God.... it had slipped away without my noticing also. How does that happen??

I thought about the time that I spend doing my Bible study... even discussing it with my friends that come to study with me. I thought about going to church week after week. I thought about singing to my praise music. I thought about speaking His Truth to others. None of that is fellowship WITH Him. There is a huge difference. If I spent time learning about my husband, spending time in his car, or even talking about him to my friends.... BUT never spent TIME really communicating with him, listening to him, telling about the things that matter to me, sharing dreams and desires.... what would our marriage be like???

So... there is another rubberband on my wrist. I am trying to be more careful with it... but I am really trying to be more careful with my fellowship with my Lord. He is so worth it....

Where is my mirror??

2009-07-21T05:29:00.002-04:00

Hmmm... have you ever thought much about the difference between a mircoscope and a mirror?? I had never really given it much thought.

The only times that I remember using a microscope is in science class. And, I have to admit that I really didn't like it. Usually it was looking at something yucky.... and honestly.... I couldn't really see in there all that well. I just couldn't get my eyes adjusted to looking into those two little lenses.... and ending up with a clear image.

But.... as a female, I certainly know how to use a mirror. I didn't say that I always like what I see.... but I do know how to use one. When I stop to think about it.... mirrors are much more accessible than microscopes. You can find mirrors everywhere.... in our homes.... in public places... and in our purses. But not microscopes. They are much harder to find.

While working through my current Bible study last week.... we were looking at what God has to say about legalism. Matthew 7:1-5 says...

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. " "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank our of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

So... why is it, that it is easier for us to find a microscope to inspect others.... than it is for us to find a mirror to inspect ourselves?? It should be the other way around.

That reminds me of the saying I have heard since I was a child.... "why do you think you have two ears and one mouth??" Of course the answer would be because we should do more listening than we do talking. According to James 1:19...

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

So... that would explain why mirrors are so much more accessible than mircoscopes. We need to spend more time looking into our own hearts and lives than looking so closely and judgementally at the actions of others. Not to be "self absorbed".... but to examine our hearts and motives for what we do. God looks straight into our hearts. We just can't fool Him with our actions. He knows what we do... and why we do it.

My Tuesday night Bible Study group is doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free study. I did this same study about 5 or 6 years ago. It was life changing. I am not the same person now that I was then. But... I am afraid that as I lead my little group through it... I am focused more on their freedom than I am on looking inside myself to see if there are areas that God desires to free ME. As we looked at the 5 benefits that God intends for His children to enjoy... I noted the things that made such a huge difference in my thinking... and my life. I so wanted to make sure that my little group caught them. I didn't want them to miss anything that God had used to change me. AND... honestly I do want freedom for them. BUT....

Where is my mirror?? I dont want to miss this opportunity for God to show me areas of bondage in my life. I want to make sure that I am using my mirror... looking in.... checking out my motives... allowing God to show me areas that are standing in my way of living the abundant life He planned for me. No wonder there are more mirrors than there are microscopes. HE is more interested in my "in". He doesn't want my focus to be on inspecting the "out" of others. Does any of that make sense to anyone besides me?? There are so many mirrors around... surely I can find mine.

One of the hard things about parenting...

2009-07-17T01:25:00.008-04:00

You know... I wish someone had really warned me about how painful parenting really is. I doubt that I would have listened... but I would have remembered their warning now.

There have been many hard things that I have had to do as a parent. Some have to do with disciplining my children. Some have to do with keeping them from doing some of the things that they want to do... but one of the hardest is to watch them hurt or suffer.

Last year... about this same time... I took my youngest daughter to the eye doctor. At her request. She loved to try on my reading glasses... so when she told me that she couldn't see very well, I just thought that she wanted to wear glasses like mine. I actually put her off for about a month before I made the appointment. She asked me several times a week.... "have you made my appointment yet?"... to which I always answered, "no, not yet." The day finally arrived to go to the doctor.... and boy was I shocked when she couldn't read anything expect the big "E" with her left eye. So... she got her first pair of glasses that day. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I couldn't believe that she had been telling me this for a month or more.... and I ignored her. It killed me on the inside. She was absolutely thrilled.

Fast forward to last Tuesday. It was time for her one year check up. So.... imagine my shock when she climbed up in the chair.... with her glasses ON... and with that same little left eye... could only read that same big "E" on the top line. WHAT?? One year ago these glasses corrected the vision in her left eye to 20/20. Now... she can barely read the top line of the chart. So our newest solution is wearing new glasses, patching the GOOD eye, to hopefully strengthen that left eye. So this is her today... and for 8 hours everyday....

This picture shows her smiling.... but believe me when I tell you it was only for the picture. She started wearing it on Wednesday. Within the first couple hours, we went through about 10 patches. It itched. She pulled it off to scratch. It wouldn't stick back. She cried. It got wet from the tears. It was uncomfortable. We changed it again. We finally got one on that seemed to be comfortable... and dry. So... off to church we go. The closer we got to church, the more nervous she got. By the time we pulled into the parking lot... she was crying again. She didn't want to go in to the childrens activities with the patch on. She was afraid that the other children would make fun of her. So after about 10 minutes of watching her hurt and worry.... I told her to take it off.

To some... I know that this may not be a big deal. But to this mom... it is a huge deal. I hate to think that she is going to have to wear this everday for at least a month or more. It is painful to watch her try to cover it up with her hair while we are in public. It is painful to watch the other children stare at her. It is painful to watch her look at the ground while others are around... to keep them from making eye contact with her. It is killing me.

God must feel exactly the same when his children are hurting. As we suffer through difficult times in our lives. As we endure the consequences of poor decisions. As we ask 'why?" when we don't understand what is going on around us. He knows that He has our best interest at heart. He knows what will bring us to the place where He wants us to be.... so that we can bring Him glory.

So... knowing that it is for her best... I will stand back and watch her go through this. With His help I will continue to encourage her... and pray that this will accomplish its purpose. Sometimes is just hard to see the big picture in our little worlds.

Summer Time...

2009-06-28T20:49:00.007-04:00

It's summer. Our schedules are more relaxed. We get to sleep later. We have more time for fun. But, one thing that I really like about summer is that my Tuesday night Bible study girls don't have to rush home to get children in the bed for school the next morning. This allows us more time for discussing our current lessons. I am especially glad about that this week.... I think that my girls might even want to bring their pajamas tonight. This week has been a doosey!!

When we were finishing up our last study... I started praying about what study God would have us do next. I had narrowed it down to two or three different studies. I prayed and prayed for direction.... but I just didn't feel completely led to one study. When I talked with the group about them.... they kept bringing up the title of another study. Beth Moore's study... Breaking Free. Now... I've done that study before. And.... in my mind, I kept thinking.... "we are not doing that". Not because it isn't a great study.... but it is personal and intense. I just didn't think I could lead that. Well... in the next 24 hours, God made it pretty clear to me that this was the study He wanted us to do. So we started 2 weeks ago.

Oh my.... God has just thrilled me with this study so far. I have so much highlighted and written on the sides of my pages. I can't wait til tonight. Will you let me share some of it with you?????

**According to Isaiah 43:10 one of my chief purposes on this planet is to know God intimately! He wants me to know Him... and believe Him. Not just believe IN Him... but believe Him... what He says about himself... and about me.

**God never sheds light on our weaknesses or shortcomings for the sake of condemnation... only to make us aware of hinderances so He can set us free!! Only when I come face-to-face with my weaknesses can I allow Christ to heal me and make me whole and free.

**According to John 8:32 Christ continually uses the TRUTH as the means to our destination. It is His Word that will lead me to freedom.

**AND our destination is freedom according to Gal. 5:1. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

**This statement just about brought me to tears.... A person can receive Christ as Savior, serve Him for decades, and meet Him face-to-face in glory without ever experiencing satisfaction IN Him on this earth. Oh Lord.... please don't let that be anyone in my Bible study group.... or anyone else for that matter. How tragic. To be satisfied with Christ... that is enough to make me have a spell.

**Along with the statement above.... there is a huge difference between salvation from sin and satisfaction of the soul. Salvation secures our lives for all eternity. Soul satisfaction insures abundant life on earth. I want the abundant life here on earth as well as security for eternity.

**The key to peace is authority. When we allow the Prince of Peace to govern our lives, peace either immediately or ultimately results. Peace accompanies authority.

I wish that I could share every single thought here.... but there is just too much.

I started this post on Tuesday morning.... and here it is on Thursday. Can I just tell you that I wasn't the only one that had lots to say on Tuesday night?? We were able to talk about three out of the five days worth of questions..... in almost 4 hours. No time for the video teaching. We will have to finish up next week. Now, that is a lot of talking.

I can see that God is up to something huge in our little group. I can't wait. I am so thankful to be an eye-witness to HIS work.

I hope that God is up to something in your life too. Why don't you tell me a little bit about it??

Not guilty...

2009-06-15T11:37:00.004-04:00

You have got to listen to this..... I have said before how much I LOVE Mandisa... but this will show you why...

There is nothing that I can add to this.......... my hands are in the air!!!!!!
Face to the ground!!!!

When God doesn't obey.....

2009-06-03T09:13:00.002-04:00

Okay... I am way behind. I was suppose to post the winner of the giveaway this past weekend... and I am just now getting around to it... And the winner is...

Tammy from Not Mine but God's story

Tammy please send me your mailing address and I will get this little prize out to you.

On to what is on my mind today....

God is tricky sometimes. Okay, well... HE is really not tricky... but things about Him are. How do you prove to someone that God is good. Especially when He is not doing what they want Him to do??? I love it when Beth Moore says, "when God doesn't obey". And that is what we want isn't it?? We want Him to obey us. He want Him to do what we want Him to do. But fortunately.... God doesn't work that way.

And yes, I said fortunately.

If God did everything that we think we want Him to do... we would all be in a mess. Everyone would have more than enough money.... leaving us with no way to reach out and show God's love to others. Everyone would have perfect children... leaving us no way to teach them about forgiveness. Everyone would be healthy... both physically and mentally... leaving us no way to pour out our lives to help others, to show compassion and love in their times of trouble. And everyone would be saved and headed to Heaven... leaving us no way to serve God and carry out the great commission. And we would just be so self-sufficient that we would no longer need God. We just can't have what we want all the time. There are times that God has to say "no" to what we want. And even to somethings we think we NEED. It is all according to His calendar... not our watch.

I am glad that I can trust in my heart that if God says "no"... or "not now" it is because He can see the big picture and knows what is best for me and the ones around me. Not to mention for His Glory. I have been in some places that I would rather not be... but with God... knowing what I know about Him... and His character..... I can endure and persevere. I can lean on the verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 that says....

"Rejoice always, pray continually, and GIVE THANKS in ALL circumstances, for this IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU in Christ Jesus."

I believe that God has a purpose in every circumstance that He allows me to be in. I can rest in that. I have come to realize that I don't have to like the circumstance.... but I can know that He is there... and it is His will for me to be there... for His glory. I am glad for the faith that HE has given me to trust in Him in times that seem bad.

But what do you do for someone that can't trust that??? Someone that just doesn't have that belief or trust into their heart yet????

That is where I am sitting today. I have come to the conclusion that I can't prove God's goodness to anyone. And I want to . I want to pour out some of what I have... into their heart so that they can trust too. Persevere. Endure. Grow. Believe. Trust. Wait. BUT I can't.

This morning I looked up every verse that speaks of goodness. They were all great verses.... but even they can't prove to someone that God is good. It comes from experience. It comes from walking the hard path. It comes from being in places that you don't want to be... and then coming out on the other side. Looking back. It comes from faith. It comes from studying God's Word and seeing the way He has dealt with man over time.

I have no answers. All I have is faith and trust.... How do you give it to someone else??

Any thoughts?? I'd love to hear them.

Seeing through someone else's eyes

2009-05-23T06:58:00.007-04:00

My husband and I just celebrated our 22st wedding anniversary. We dated for almost 7 years before we got married... so we have been together for a LONG time. Like most married couples... we have had some really good times... and some really bad times. But to the Glory of God... we are still loving each other.

One thing that I really hate is.... I think I have stopped "seeing" him. What I mean by that is that I just go through my days... not noticing what he does. Let me give you an example.... I have noticed several times over the last couple months that I catch people talking about the "good things" he does.... that I didn't even notice. Several times I have caught some of my Tuesdays bragging on him. (my Sweet Tuesdays are my Bible study ladies) Like... he vacuums for me most Tuesdays before they get there... He will often cook enough food to share with them while they are there... He will run through the living room to catch the dogs so that they don't get in the way of our class.... (like he is not a distraction as he runs through.... but it is the thought that counts, right?). One of them has even pointed out that he needs to give lessons to other husbands...... I have realized that I don't really give him enough credit for all he does to help me. I don't always notice when he loads the dishwasher.... or empties it. I don't always notice that the clothes that I left in the dryer are folded and in the baskets... I don't notice how he seems to not mind at all that I don't cook him supper. And I don't seem to notice all the times that he makes tea. (which we discussed MANY years ago... and it is clearly my job.. AND I don't mind) The other day, one of my friends pointed out how sweet he was to cook us dinner and then clean up the kitchen while she and I went for a walk... the list seems to go on and on. Hearing someone else brag on your husband for something that you didn't even notice is quite sobbering. I don't like that... I don't mind at all when they brag on him... I just hate that somehow I have stopped seeing it. I am trying to watch for those things now... and give him the kuddos when he deserves it. And... I am sure that I still miss many opportunities to thank him.

I know the same is true for the "world" that I see. I don't always see it through God's eyes. I am looking through my eyes. The frustration. The inconvenience. The people. The needs. I filter them through my eyes... and my perspective. Not God's... which is what I need to be doing. How else can I try to make a difference in the world if I am not seeing things like God does??? I have really been thinking about this a lot lately. I need to put on my "God" glasses so that I can see more clearly.

I want to thank my husband for all the sweet things he does for me and our family. I want to let him know how much I love him and appreciate what he does. I want to stop looking through my eyes... and look through God's eyes. Then.... I think things will become much clearer.

Thanks Brad for all the things that you do for me and our family. You are a good man!! I am sorry that I don't tell you that as often as I should. I'm am blessed to have you!! And... thank you for putting up with me for the last 29 years. I love you!

AND... not only have we celebrated our wedding anniversary... this is my 100th post. So... in honor of this post... I will have a giveaway on May 28th. Just post a comment about something or someone you are thankful for. I can't wait to hear from you.

Moving like a snail...

2009-05-14T13:30:00.005-04:00

There is just something about getting older. I weigh more... I don't have the energy that I used to... not as active... can't see without granny glasses.... and the list goes on and on. I had talked to God about this a while back... and knew that He told me to start walking some. But I just hadn't started it yet. This past week in my Bible study we were challenged to think of something that we had inquired of God about... gotten His instruction... and we were still waiting to obey. Well... He so graciously reminded me about walking. So a week ago... I started walking in my neighborhood. I don't do it everyday... my work schedule messes me up a couple times a week... but I have started.

The first day... I walked in silence. I could hear the birds singing and had time to think about lots of things. The second time... I walked and quoted my scripture memory verses. Then yesterday... I decided to use my daughters i-Pod. There is a great album on there of Francesca Battistelli. It was all I could do to walk... quietly. I wanted to dance. I wanted to jump up and down. And... I wanted to sing.... loudly.... like I do in the car. But... I like where we live... and I want to stay here. So I tried REALLY hard not to sing. I'm not sure if I succeeded or not. Anyway... while I was walking one of those days.... I saw a snail working to hard to cross the road.

I stopped and watched him. He was barely making it. He was moving so slow that I couldn't tell if he was making any progress or not. I thought to myself.... poor thing... he has to carry his house on his back. Then I tried to imagine how it would be if I had to carry my house on my back. There is no way I could stand under the weight of it. The more I thought about carrying things on my back... the slower I walked. Then I thought about all the things that I have carried on my back... that I didn't have to. Guilt. Shame. Unforgiveness. Jealousy. Struggles. Anger. Bitterness. Hurt. Man... it is amazing that I am still standing. My back should be broken in half by now. And... sometimes I would take it off my back... and just pack it away in my baggage... and just pull it around with me.

The thing is... God is more than willing to carry our "stuff" around for us. He calls out to us in
1 Peter 5:7...

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you. (NLT)

So why don't we do that?? And what about the times we do give them over to Him... and then we go back and pick them up again?? God has offered to be our caddy... to carry our heavy load for us.

Also in Matthew 11:28-30...

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light".

When we weigh ourselves down with things that God would carry for us... we move slowly just like that snail. Our walk with the Lord may slow to a crawl as well. Our shoulders weren't made for that load... but God's were. Sometimes life is just too heavy.

Why, Oh why.... would we carry around a bunch of stuff we don't have to?? I so want to give all my cares and burdens to the Lord. I want His light load. I want rest for my soul. And something tells me that if someone were to offer to carry his house... that snail would take them up on it.

And... now I know why God was so insistant on my walking... He has so much to teach me.

Spiritual Banking....

2009-05-09T00:52:00.012-04:00

I will be the first one to admit that I don't always do really well with my checkbook. There have been many times that I have forgotten to write down a debit card purchase... only to realize later in the week that I am overdrawn. Now.... I don't know about you... but if I am overdrawn... I really don't have any extra money to give the bank for the fee. But... they take it anyway. Which only makes my bad situation worse. My checking account has money going in.... and money going out.

Imagine my thrill this week while I was listening to a Beth Moore teaching CD on the book of Romans. She was teaching in chapter 4. This is what verse 3 says...

"What does Scripture say? Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness"

then in verse 9...

"Is this blessedness only for the circumcised, or also for the uncircumsied? We have been saying that Abraham's faith was credited to him as righteousness."

and yet again in Genesis 15:6

"Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness"

She explained that the word "credited" is a banking term. It is added to our account. Like our spiritual checking account... picture that.... God making a deposit into MY account. I was thrilled to think of God filling out a deposit slip for my account. That was enough to make me jump up and down.

She then moved down to verse 7 and 8...

"Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him."

The word "count" is also an accounting term. She explained that this verse tells us that our sins are not counted against us... they don't get deposited into an account. They are gone. There is not a "sin account".... only a righteousness account. Well.... that thrilled me again.

God is not making a list of our sins... they are thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. Sins that are confessed... God promises to forgive them. (1 John 1:19)

The only thing that gets deposited into our spiritual righteousness account is when we exercise our faith. It is our faith... that makes God get out the deposit slips and make a deposit into our account. Okay... I could grasp that..... BUT then she said....

"not even our righteousness gets deposited into the righteousness account..." Did you get that?? All the righteous things that we do don't even make a difference in our righteousness account. The only deposits that are made is when we exercise faith.

Now... I don't know... that might not do a thing for you. Or maybe you had already thought that one out before. If so, just pardon me while I get excited about it.

Think about it... when we exercise our faith... our account just gets bigger and bigger. When we sin... it doesn't decrease the balance in our account. When we "do" all those righteous things that we do... our account doesn't get bigger. Just faith... Believing God... Trusting God... makes our account get fatter.

Maybe if my regular bank account worked like that I could keep from overdrawing... deposit... deposit... deposit.... nothing coming back out. Don't you wish it really worked like that at the bank.

Unexplained Emotions

2009-04-27T13:45:00.003-04:00

God has truly humbled me by His mercy and grace. There have been so many times in the past that I have experienced His grace and mercy... but I don't remember any of those times having quite the same effect on me as it has the past couple days.

I have heard people say, "you don't know what I have done... God could never forgive ME". To which I say.... well.... God know everything you have ever done and thought about doing.... yet He is willing to forgive you.

I have heard other people say, "there is no way that person can go to heaven after what they have done..." To which I say... going to heaven has nothing to do with what we have done... and everything to do with what Jesus did!"

I have heard still others say, "I deserve better than this...." To which I often think... really?? I think the Bible says that we all deserve hell. So anything better than hell is more than you deserve.

BUT... since Saturday... I am saying....

"who are we that God would show us so much favor and save my son's life?" and then...

"how can I face others that have lost their children.... knowing that God chose to save mine?"

Now... this is a set of questions that I just haven't been able to answer to myself yet. Don't get me wrong... I know that God is sovereign. He can and does what He chooses... and what pleases Him. I know that He knows the beginning from the end... and His plan is perfect. BUT I just can't get over these humbling emotions. I have shed more tears over these questions that I have about the accident itself. Well... actually... I didn't shed any over the accident. I had immediate peace... and I knew that no matter what the outcome... I could trust God's plan. It almost seems to me that I could have accepted God's choice of "bad" easier than I can accept His choice of "good". It has left me speechless. I am in total awe of God that He would choose to save my son's life. That He would give him more time here...

These are certainly some unexplainable emotions that are swirling around in my head and in my heart. I am totally humbled by this. I know that God has a perfect plan. I know that all of this is part of it. I am totally surrendered to His plan... and I have come to understand... that I don't have to be able to explain it... or the emotions in my heart. But I do want to praise Him!

Father... again, you know my heart. It is so humbled by your sovereign choice to spare Jason's life. Please help me to get out of the way so that you can accomplish what you have purposed in his life and in mine. I praise you.... you alone are worthy!!

God's mercy and Grace

2009-04-24T15:28:00.007-04:00

Again... I am amazed at God's mercy and His grace. Today we went to look at the car that my son was driving when he had his accident... it is enough to make my heart sick. But.... knowing that God had his hand on this car as it slammed into a truck at 55mph or more... makes my heart sing. He is our protector. He is more merciful than we can ever imagine. Jason is doing fairly well. He is still extremely sleepy and groggy. He is weak and unsteady on his feet most of the time.... BUT he is alive. I thought that I would include a few pictures of the car. They are a little graphic.... AND the beer can under the car in one photo does not belong to my son... it is in the fence at the wreckage yard. Please take a moment and praise God that He chose to spare Jason's life. Please also pray that Jason will cooperate with God's purpose for this.

Father... I am in awe of you. You are so totally in control of all things. I cannot thank you enough for giving Jason more time here. Not only for me... But for him. Please have your way and your will with this. I will praise you forever. I am humbled... I have found myself looking up at your heavens in awe that you would do this for us.... more tears. I love you Lord.

Oh how good my Father is...

2009-04-21T14:25:00.007-04:00

God has just been so good to me this week. I just need to take a few minutes and give Him some praise. Some of you may know that our computer has suffered for quite some time. After a severe cluster of viruses our precious... old... computer died. It just couldn't make it. I have been quite undone without a computer. It is amazing how much you can depend on something and not even realize it. So after at least a week or two with no computer... I was able to get a new one... and praise God... it is a laptop. Which is such a blessing for me today because....

Monday, my 18 years old son was in a bad car accident. While driving on a straight stretch of road... a truck ran through a stop sign into the path of the car that Jason was driving. (which was NOT his own car... that is a different story) Jason didn't even have time to apply the brakes. He hit the side of the heavy duty truck at approximately 55 mph or more. He was taken to our local hospital... but then transfered to the NeuroICU at another hospital. He has a skull fracture... and a epidural hematoma. (bleeding in the brain) I actually started this post while he was in the hospital several days ago... but didn't get finished until now.

Things like this bring you to a point that you have to choose... either to trust God or not.

I have chosen to trust God. I have walked with Him long enough to know that I don't have to like what happens... I just have to trust that it is part of God's perfect plan. His Word tells us that His plan is PERFECT. I don't trust God to do what I want Him to do. I just trust God.

This whole event has continued to bring back to my mind a sentence that I read in the book The Shack... no matter how you feel about this book... this sentence has the potential to change your thinking.

You have to give up the right to decide what is good and what is bad.

The world's eyes don't see things the same way that God's eyes see them. He sees the beginning from the end. He sees the character that comes from the suffering. He sees the result that comes from the trial. He sees the beauty that comes from the ashes.

A fractured skull... bad in the world's eyes.
Bleeding in the brain... bad in the world's eyes.
Being in the Neurosurgical ICU... bad in the world's eyes.

The truth remains... these may be good things in the overall plan that leads to eternity. Do I like that this has happened? No. Do I like that my son has had to go through what he has gone through since Monday? No. But I know that God can use it for His eternal purpose. That is what I am praying for.

God has been very gracious to my family this week. My son came home yesterday. He still has to take things easy for quite a while while his skull and brain try to recover from this injury. But... after seeing pictures of the car... it is an absolute a miracle that he is alive. I am completely humbled by God's goodness to us this week. Instead of bringing my son home... we could have been planning his funeral. Please pray with me that he will see God's real purpose in this. There is a reason why Jason is still here.... because by all appearences.... he shouldn't be. I'm trusting His plan.

My God is good. ALL the time.

Roadwork Ahead...

2009-04-08T17:00:00.004-04:00

Ughh.... I can't tell you how tired I am of all the road work going on around here. Every time I go somewhere, I hit at least one or two miles of road work. A couple weeks ago... it was the opposite side of the road from my daughter's school. So every morning... I would go the long way home so that I didn't have to drive on the torn up road. They had torn up all of the old asphalt and prepared the road for new asphalt. Only... it seemed like forever between the time that they tore up the old... and put on the new. Imagine my surprise Monday morning when I turned to take my daughter to school.... and they were now on my side of the road. There is no way around it. I am going to have to drive that way every morning to take her to school. It is so bumpy... and rough. Loose stones flying around everywhere. A smooth way.... Is that really too much to ask for??

Today as I bumped along... my mind wandered to some other bumpy, rough, tough places. Like struggles that we go through in our life. Hurt. Pain. Loss. Frustration. Depression. Discouragement. Anger... among many other things. I thought about how God has to tear up the old existence... the old reactions... the old relationships... the old prideful ways... so that He can bring us to a smooth place. A place of beauty.

Isaiah 42:16 says...
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them,
and make the rough places smooth.

His goal is our holiness. Not our happiness. His goal is for us to be just like His Son. Not like who we are without Him. The final product is to be a beautiful planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. (Isaiah 61:3)

I know that the goal of those sweet... sweaty... hardworking road men is for us to have a beautiful smooth road to drive on. But, it will not be that way until the old is torn up... and the new put down. So... maybe God is just going to remind me every morning that He is also in the road business... tearing up the old... to bring the new. Even though the way may be bumpy and rough.... I can trust that He will make it smooth.

And the winner is...

2009-04-02T18:55:00.002-04:00

Okay... I know that I have let March 31st come and go without announcing the winner of the giveaway... and I am sure that you few have been by here everyday to see if it is you. (okay... well, maybe not) I was pretending that I would figure out how to post a picture of the giveaway before I announced the winner.... but I didn't. I am sure that if I could have pinned one of my children down long enough they could have shown me... but that didn't happen either.

So.... with no more delay... the winner is

Elaine at Peace for the Journey

Elaine, please send me your mailing address so that I can get it in the mail to you.

Hopefully I can get a picture up soon.

Many of you know that my Tuesdays and I are working through the Beth Moore study entitled Jesus the One and Only. Awesome study. We are finishing up our study next week... so right now we are doing the homework for the last 24 hours of the life of Christ. Wow! What a great time of year to be studying this. I have been so blessed. There are more than a few things that really marked me... let me tell you about some of them...

Satan was able to enter Judas because he was available. Think about this... Judas had followed Christ for several years. He had seen His power. He had seen his life. BUT he had never really given his heart to Christ. This happens in churches too. There are people that have gone to church for years. Sang in the choir. Served in the nursery. Sat next to people that were authentic in their faith... but never really given their heart to Christ. Available.

Satan asked permission to sift Peter as wheat. Christ granted him permission. Christ wouldn't grant the devil permission to do anything that can't be used for God's glory and our good... if we let it. Christ also told Peter that He prayed for him. (Luke 22:31-32) And then He said... "when" you turn back strengthen your brothers. Think about this... Christ knew Peter's heart. He knew that even being sifted and shook up by the enemy wouldn't keep Peter from Him. The enemy can only read us from the outside.... Christ reads us on the inside. Christ knew that Peter could be trusted with the sifting. Am I trustworthy??

Not only did Christ DO so much for us on Calvary... there are things that He could have done that He chose not to. According to Matthew 26:54-56, He reminded them that He could call on His Father, and He would put at His disposal 12 legions of angels. But.... He chose not to. He was so totally God... He could have called the whole thing off... but because of His great love for us and His great desire to do His Father's will.... He chose to stay on that cross. Not only did God do what He didn't have to do... but He also didn't do what He could have done. Now that is powerful!!

Christ knew from the beginning that Judas would betray Him. The fact that the disciples discussed which one would be the one to betray Him shows us that Jesus never treated Judas any differently than the others. Even after Judas planted the betraying kiss on His check... Jesus called him "Friend". (Matthew 26:50) Christ loves us all the same. There is nothing that we can do to change His love for us.

Also... Can you imagine the look on Jesus' face when He and Peter made eye contact after the betrayal. What do you think His eyes said to Peter?? Do you think that they were full of condemnation?? I think His look must have been full of love. It is God's kindness that leads us to repentance. Peter had actually come face-to-face with the fact that in him no good thing dwelled. The sifting removed the unuseable in Peter... and left him useable to Christ. Although I really don't like to be sifted... I do want to be rid of the chaff and unuseable junk in my life so that Christ can use me.

God has really used this study to give me a deeper view of Calvary. I know that most of us have read and heard this story over and over.... but re-read it. Ask God to give you a fresh new look at it. I believe He longs to do that. And... don't be afraid of a little sifting....

What ever happened to kindness?

2009-03-28T20:31:00.006-04:00

Yesterday I took my mom to the doctor's office. Actually we went to two different doctor's offices... for a total of 3 1/2 hours. We could have been grumpy about that... but we weren't. While we were at one office.... we had seen the doctor, and we were waiting to get bloodwork done. We were sitting in a little tiny waiting room with two other people. One lady... and one man. The lady told us all about her struggles with needing to pay the balance on her account before they would see her... a whopping $3.25. She shook the change in her pocket to show us that she had brought it. I think she shared this with us because they would not go ahead and allow me to make my husband an appointment while I was there... because he owed them $15 for missing an appointment. I didn't even take my purse with me... this was my mom's appointment. Anyway... a nurse appeared out of the back to tell the lady that the doctor would see her now.... as they started off... the little man stood up and said, "please... before the doctor goes in to see her... please have him sign a prescription for me to get a new glucometer... mine is broken and I haven't been able to check my blood sugar for over 24 hours". To which the nurse made some comment below her breath... and walked away.

This man started a conversation with my mom... and they realized that they were in school together. This meant that the man was about 73 years old. He said that he had been waiting for 1 1/2 hours to just get a piece of paper saying that he could get a new glucometer. He was a little vocal about his situation to my mom.... but he wasn't asking for the world... just a signed prescription that would allow the pharmacy to sell him a new glucometer.

Then... out of no where... a new person came up to the desk and called the little man up. She handed him a prescription for his glucometer... but proceeded to lay him out with her words. She said as loud as she could...

"you can't just walk in here and think that the doctor is going to drop everything he is doing just to get you a prescription.... you should have called first!!"

she then said.... " you said your glucometer broke yesterday... you had time to call us about this... you can't think we are going to just drop everything and take care of your needs because you walk in the door!"

He tried to explain that he was out of town when his glucometer broke... and he just came back to town and stopped by there. She was not taking that either.... she continued to just fuss at him.... she then told him.... "this is not the first time you have done this.... you have done this before!!"

He just hung his little head and said, "okay.... " took his prescription... and walked out the door.

I was fuming. What is the world has made people think that they can treat others any way they please?? I just don't get it!! I felt so bad for that little man.... You know... the thing is that in "his day" you could just walk into your doctor's office... who knew you by name.... and knew your family.... and talk directly to him. You wouldn't have even had to deal with a huge staff of meanies.

I don't know anything about the people in this office... besides the fact that they are not kind... nor flexible. I don't know where they stand with the Lord. But I can tell you what kind of fruit is on their tree.

Matthew 12:33 says this,
"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit."

Oh... I want my fruit to be worthy of my Father. I want others to see fruit on my tree that is good.

There was another conversation that I was a part of the other morning at work. Several people were talking about a co-worker that talked ugly to them on a regular basis. When they were describing him... and I decided that I did know who they were talking about. He was the one that I was "short" with one time. Only.... conviction hit me so hard that I searched for him later that morning but couldn't find him.... so the next time I worked, I apologized to him. Needless to say... He was shocked that I would come and apologize for such a "small thing". His words... not mine. Not God's. He let me know in no uncertain terms that I was out of line.... my fruit wasn't lining up with my tree. I am sure that there are other times that my fruit doesn't line up. But that is not what I want. I want to be the REAL DEAL. When I told my co-workers about my apology to him... they ranted that they wouldn't apologize... they are just ugly back to him....

I so want to be the real deal. I want my fruit to be sweet and lead others to my Father. So tell me..... what makes you the real deal??

***It is almost my blogaversary.... leave a comment and I will choose one person to receive a gift.... I will draw on Tuesday, March 31st. If you don't have a blog... just leave a comment under anonymous... and include your name and email address.*****

Let's go grocery shopping

2009-03-26T23:33:00.003-04:00

Okay... after my last post that included my addictions.... I have gotten several questions about the grocery game. Ladies... it is so easy! The grocery game is a website that helps you match up sales and current coupons to get the absolute best deal on your grocery purchases. I have been doing this for a little over a year maybe.... and I promise it works. All it takes is a little bit of time... and the coupons that come in Sunday's newspaper. And... the space to put all of the "stuff".

My family is so sweet... I don't even purchase my own newspaper. My dad buys me one every Sunday while he is buying his. He buys the "big" paper in our area. Then my mother gives me the ones that come out of our "smaller" local paper. My aunt gives me her coupons as well. So... each week I usually end up with 3 sets of coupons. If I stay caught up, it takes me about one hour on Sunday afternoon to cut and organize my coupons. If I told you that I have a HUGE 3 ring binder full of coupons would you believe me?? I do. It is full of baseball card holder sheets (6 per sheet). Each different coupon has its own holder. If I have 3 of the same coupon... they go in the same sleeve.

You do have to pay a small fee to be a member of the grocery game. For example.... I get the list from 4 different grocery stores and it cost be $25 every 8 weeks. Now... at first glance, that may seem like a lot. But today alone... I saved $90 at Harris Teeter. So... that is at one store in just one day. My original bill was $215. With my VIC card and coupons, I ended up paying $124. Just imagine how much I save at 4 stores in 8 weeks. That $25 fee is back in my pocketbook in less than one trip to a grocery store.

My usual savings are at least 50% or more. The trick is that you buy more than one of an item at an extremely low price.... stockpile it.... and you never have to pay full price for it. Does that make sense?? If not.... please visit the website. It is so self-explanatory.

They offer a 4 week trial for only $1. You can get the list for every store in your area for that $1. BUT please don't sign up to do a trial until you have saved your coupons for at least 4 to 6 weeks. That way.... you will have some, if not most, of the coupons that they have on the list.

It is an absolute "high" to walk out of a store with tons of groceries for a small amount of money. I bet you didn't know this... but if you save "too much" money on your bill, the cashier actually has to call the manager to override the sale. They have to call for the "key". Now... that is too cool. It happened to me today.

Many times you can get items for free. I am pretty sure that we have enough toothpaste to do us til Jesus comes back!! Shampoo and conditioner too. At any given time... I usually have at least 60 rolls of toilet paper. We have enough bathroom spray to repaint the neighborhood... if it were paint. Cleaning supplies.... well... you would think that my house would be spotless. But it isn't.

I urge you to give it a try... if you have the space for the stock. Unless... of course you have more money than you know what to do with.

And... if you decide to sign up... please put me down as your reference. You will need my email address. You can either leave me a comment... or check my profile page. I can earn free weeks for referring you. Any more questions????? Just ask.

A very needed blessing

2009-03-24T00:10:00.005-04:00

After my last post... which was just yesterday... I really needed a blessing. And God, in His wonderful faithfulness, showed up and gave me one. My sweet new bloggy friend Cricket at A Simple Girls Life gave me an award. I'm pretty sure that I didn't deserve it... but God, in His unbelievable grace, allowed me to receive it. Wow! What a blessing.

The funniest thing is that they used my body for the picture.... NOT! And I am quite sure that "Fabulous" is the overstatement of the year... but I am still blessed none the less.

There are only two rules to follow after accepting this award and they are...

1. Confess 5 things you are addicted to.
2. Pass the award on to 5 deserving bloggers.

I think this may have been a trap... to see my dark side... but since it shows most of the time anyway, especially yesterday... here goes.

1. Starbucks. I hate to admit that I pay that much for a cup of steamed milk and some expresso... but it is the truth. I do... actually, as often as I can. The great thing is that my bank gives points for using your debit card as a credit card... which I do obsessively... and use my points to get Starbucks gift cards. Free makes it taste even better.

2.The Grocery Game. I am so addicted to clipping coupons and saving money at the grocery store. I usually pay HALF or LESS for my groceries when all is said and done. It is better than using drugs.... it is such a "high".

3. My Tuesdays. This is my sweet little group of ladies that come over on Tuesday nights to study God's Word. These ladies bless me so much with their desire to know God. They keep me so excited. Which leads to another one of my addictions....

4. Bible study. I can't get enough. I am quite a Beth Moore junkie... but I do others as well. I not only do written studies... I love to listen to teaching CDs or sermon CDs in the car. I want to know God as deeply as I can here. I want as much of Him as I can get here.

5. And... Facebook. I have decided that I have an addictive personality. Anything that comes along seems to get me... It is just so easy to take a quick peek into your friends lives... see what they are up to... and it doesn't seem to take me as long as it does to post on my blog.

Now... this is what I am addicted to at this moment. It is possible for some of these to change without notice... although everything but Facebook has been around quite a while. There are also things like index cards, DoveTruffle eggs, praise music, my family, my friends, Sonic, and the list goes on..... I must just have quite an addictive personality.

And I want to give this same award to these people because their blogs bless me:

Libby at Daily Tidbits

Pamela at The Pinkshoe Lady

Susan at RunnerMom

Pamela at In His Graces

JeanMac at A Mountain too High

Check out these blogs... you will be blessed as well. Thank you to Cricket. Thank you God for your blessings.

ALSO... my one year Blogiversery is coming up.... check back later this week for a giveaway! And it won't be long until my 100th post.... another giveaway!

Struggles with flesh....

2009-03-23T13:46:00.003-04:00

I love it when God answers my prayers... just like I had hoped He would. But... it sure is a bummer when He decides to do things His way. I have been dreading this day for about three weeks now. I have prayed about it many, many, many times. This morning... I just bombarded His throne with my request. My request soon turned to begging. I so needed Him to intervene in this certain situation. For many different reasons... one for simplicities sake. Another for my daughter and her peace of mind. Another one for the other people that would be involved. But I soon realized that the biggest reason was my pride. Yippie.... those pride panties again. I thought I tried to take those off this morning. I so wanted to be more concerned and compassionate for my daughter and the others involved. But seeing how my flesh jumped in there and reacted.... and think it was my pride that won out. Gee, I really hate it when I do that.

I am so comforted by Paul's struggle with sin. In Romans 7:15 Paul says this...

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do... I do not do, but what I hate... I do.

My reactions and attitude certainly prove his next statement...

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."

"When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war at work within my members. What a wretched man I am!! Who will rescue me from this body of death?? "

Then my favorite part....

"Thanks be to God- through Jesus Christ our Lord."

I am so glad that Paul had this struggle. I am so glad that he was obedient enough to tell us about it.

Can I just say that I will still bless the Lord even though this day didn't turn out like I had hoped. After my fit... and my tears... and my bad attitude.... Jesus is still there... waiting to make me whole again. Thanks be to God!

Swept clean and put in order...

2009-03-18T11:50:00.004-04:00

Last week was a busy week for me. It started on Monday when my mom was put into the hospital. She is fine now, resting at home... ... but it just made it busy just the same. I didn't just go sit there everyday like I should have... or like I would want someone else to do if it were me in the hospital. But I constantly felt the pull to hurry what I was doing so that I could go up there to be with her. Wednesday morning she had a procedure that required me to go and sit in a waiting room for an extended period of time.... So I loaded up my Bible and my Bible study workbook and off I went.

The waiting room was practically full when I got there. I found myself a chair over to one side... and plopped down. I opened up my Bible study workbook, got out my three different colored highlighters, my ink pen, and my Bible. I started reading in Luke 11:17-26. I am usually distracted if I try to do my Bible study when other things are going on around me... but not this time. Although there were a lot of others around... it seemed like it was just me and God. I know I even made some noises while I was reading... you know... uhmm... uh huh... wooo... I would catch myself letting these noises escape... and just grin to myself.

Anyway... this is just one part that spoke volumes to me...

"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find any. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first."

I know this to be true. There was a time about 8 years ago that God really did a work in my heart about being in bondage to something. Through His work and my work.... I was free for about 3 or 4 years. Free. Swept clean and put in order just like the house in the scripture above. The problem is... I didn't permanently fill that empty space up with something else. I did for a while. But... then I fell back into old patterns... thinking that I was free... I let myself think about other things. Now... I realize that not only did the evil spirit move back in... he brought all his buddies with him... because I seem to be having a much harder time getting free this time. It seems so easy for me to fall back into the old patterns after a day or two of being obedient. I wish that I had moved some permanent furniture into that cleaned up space.

When we take a negative out of our lives.... we must turn around and fill it with something positive. Otherwise... there is a gaping cleaned up and put in order space sitting there just waiting on something to fill it. Our enemy is more than happy to find something to fill up that space. That is probably why people that are trying to stop smoking take up something else... like chewing gum or eating lollipops.

The enemy also knows that if we have tasted a little bit of freedom... like the 3 or 4 years that I did.... I am going to want to be there again. Therefore he brings his buddies with him so that it will be much harder this time around. He doesn't want to lose... again. Unfortunately.... he does knows the end of the story. He is going to lose. Big time. And he will do whatever he can to keep us in bondage before he loses. I love this scripture....

"His heart is secure, he will have no fear;
in the end he will look in triumph on his foes" Psalm 112:8

He is going to be the big loser. We will look in triumph over him in the end.... Now... if I can just get him out of my house again.

Springing Forward

2009-03-08T07:55:00.003-04:00

Gee... it has been a long time since I posted. I think facebook has taking over my life. I cannot believe how quickly you (that is really "I") can get addicted to something. Anyway....

Today is the day that we had to spring our clocks forward one hour. There is just nothing like losing a whole hour of sleep. How ironic that I often feel like I lose whole hours during my day while I do something silly..... but that doesn't seem to have the same effect on me. I really need to re-think that. I just thought of that.... it wasn't even the reason for this post.

I just had a birthday.... I am right at my "mid" forties now. (How exciting...) But.... yet my sweet mother called me three times yesterday to remind me to move my clock ahead when I went to bed last night. I even got another message from a friend reminding me to do the same thing. (You know who you are.....) When I told my husband about it yesterday afternoon.... He just looked at me and said, "Do they think we are just stupid?" We got a good laugh from it.

While I got my family ready for church this morning... I started thinking. I am sure that I will never stop being their mom either. I will probably call them and remind them to move their clock ahead just like my mom did. I will probably call them to remind them of all kinds of things... not because they are stupid... but because I'm the Moma THAT"S WHY! I don't think that I will be able to stop being the mom... just because they are in their mid forties.... or fifties for that matter. Somehow it really made me grin to think about my mom then.... How blessed am I that she still wants to be my "mom". Blessed I tell you!!

Then I thought about how God reminds my heart of things during the day... sometimes during the night too. How He loves me. How He is paying attention to what is going on in my day. How He lets me hear the birds sing to Him in the morning so that I can join in their praise. How He sends me a love note in the middle of my Bible reading. How He gently nudges me when I am about to oversleep. Thankfully He never stops being my Father. His desire to parent me never ends.

My phone just rang... I smiled as I headed for it. I laughed and said... "Mom, I love you." But... the joke was on me. It was for my son. Oh well....

Thanks Father for being my Father. Thanks for giving me a mom that still parents me. Thanks for also reminding me that you have blessed me with the opportunity to do the same thing.

Moving on...

2009-02-27T21:19:00.007-05:00

I am not one that has moved around a lot.... I lived with my parents in the same house of my childhood until the day I got married. My honey and I then lived in the same place for 19 years. In December of 2006, we picked up only the things that we needed and moved a whole 4 minutes down the road. When I tell you that we only took the things that we needed.... I am not kidding. We took our "current" wardrobe (not all the stuff that hangs in the closet for years without being worn), our pots, pans, dishes, small kitchen appliances, a few pictures off the wall, the toys that my children loved, and that is about it. We just left the rest behind. We owned the place... and we figured that we could go back for it if we needed it. We never did. Several months later, my husband had some family that needed a place to stay so we allowed them to move in there. They packed up the rest of our stuff and moved it outside to a storage building. I have seen their son having a recurrent yard sale for several months.... I don't go look. It is probably our stuff. If I see it, I will probably want it back.... so I have just let it go. I have completely left all that behind. For good. Never to go back.

So, I don't have a lot of experience with moving around.

For a week or so, I have been listening to some CD's of a Beth Moore conference called Spiritual Mapping. Absolutely awesome teaching. It maps out our Spiritual journey... from Egypt (our place of slavery and worldliness), to the Wilderness (not where we used to be, but not exactly where God is taking us), to our Promised Land (where we are being used of God to accomplish His purpose). I've been thinking a lot about this.

Egypt is a place of slavery... even if we don't realize it. Sometimes it seems like home, because it is all that we have ever known. But we are slaves there. It is where we live for ourselves. We do what we want to do.... and we think that it is a place of freedom... but it really isn't. Again, we are slaves there. I know that I don't want to live there. I want to be free. So, Egypt is not the address that I want.

The Wilderness is outside of the slavery. At first mention... the wilderness doesn't sound like a good place to be. It makes me think of a desert, dry, miserable place. But wait... think about it... this is where the Israelites saw God in the cloud by day and saw Him in the fiery pillar by night. There was evidence that proved He was close to them at all times. They were fed manna straight from heaven. They saw His provisions day after day. They saw miracle after miracle. Their sandals and clothes never wore out. (mine would have just gotten too small.... sigh) HE was their wonder. Now... with all that, it almost sounds like a good place to be. But we have to remember.... this is still not the place that God wants to take us. HE has something so much better for us.

The Promised Land is where God wants us to live. It is the place that He designed specifically for us. It is a place where WE are being used by HIM to bear much fruit. We will be the wonder there. We will be the blessing. God will work through us to accomplish His purpose. It is a place that bears much fruit. It is where He wants us to be. Where He wants us to be.... being what He wants us to be.

The Israelites lived in the wilderness for a long time!! Many died in the wilderness. Oh Father... I don't want to die in the wilderness. I want to make it to the Promised Land.... not only make it there... but stay there. I want to be all that you want me to be...

I don't think that I am finished thinking about this. I think that it is going to roll around in my head for a while. Where am I living?? Where are you living?? I know where I want to be... and I may have lots of packing to do.

"Just a minute...."

2009-02-20T23:22:00.006-05:00

My little one is growing up. She turned 8 years old in November, just 2 months after starting public school for the first time. (after homeschooling) She has always been "my baby". We were just plain silly together. We always spent time together... whether we were watching TV, playing cards, reading a book, or whatever... we just loved being together. I still want that.

I remember my favorite time of the day would be mornings. She would come sleepy-eyed into the living room to find me when she woke up. Climb up on my lap... for what we call "some lulu loving". I don't really know where that name came from... but I sure did like it. She would lay in my lap for a good while... until she got hungry enough to want to get up for some breakfast.

Now... I have to go wake her up to get her ready for school. There is no time for "lulu loving". We have to stay on the schedule so that she won't be late for school.

When she first started to school... I could hardly sit in the car-line waiting on her to get out of school. When I would see her headed my way... I would think my heart was just about to explode. She looked like she couldn't wait to get in the car to see me too.

Now... she is anxious to get home and get her homework finished so she can call a friend over to play. Or go to a friends house.

Oh... why do our babies have to grow up??? I don't think I was ready.

Today... my mom picked her up from school. I was on the computer when they came in the door. I heard her go into the living room and turn on the TV. Within a few minutes, I heard her pick up the phone to call over a friend. She didn't run to my lap. My heart ached. I called out to her.... "wait a minute" was her answer. About 5 minutes later.... I called her again... same answer. Finally after about 15 minutes and 3 callings... she came walking in to see me. I got a quick hug and kiss.

I thought about it after she got down and went back to her business.... I wonder how many times I do that to God.

Just a minute... I need to check my email.
Just a minute... I need to put clothes in the washer.
Just a minute... I need to empty the dishwasher.
Just a minute... or probably more... because I need a little more sleep.

I wonder how often He longs to feel me climb up on His lap?? I wonder how often His heart aches when I choose to do something else besides spend time with Him?? I bet plenty!!

To think... God has the same longing in His heart for me that I have for my children is more than I can fathom at times. But He does. He wants to spend time with me. He longs for me to get up in the mornings and climb up in His lap for some "lulu loving". That is the picture I have in my mind right now.... I hope it is still there in the morning. I bet He does too.

Beauty Shop Talk

2009-02-12T22:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to get my hair "conditioned". Now... if you are someone that really knows me well, you just translated that word "conditioned" to "colored". Anyway.... You know what talk can be like in the beauty shop. Sometimes you hear about someone that is sick. Sometimes you hear about someone caught up in a life of sin. Sometimes you hear about an arguement that someone just had.... or what they really don't like about their spouse. I know that "beauty shop talk" has a bad reputation.... but yesterday was different.

While I was laying back in the shampoo bowl... I could hear the lady in the next chair talking about something. I caught the words, "Beth Moore". My ears perked up. I strained to hear what they were saying. The customer was asking her hair stylist if she had ever done a Beth Moore Bible study. She said, "yes"....... Then my hair stylist got in on the conversation. They asked her if she had ever done one of her studies. Sadly... not only had she never done one... she didn't even know who she was. GASP! I couldn't believe my ears. I stayed quiet while my stylist then ripped out my eyebrows... and any other unwanted hair on my face. I couldn't wait to get into an upright position so that I could get in on their conversation. When I asked the other customer where she went to her study, we struck up a loooong conversation about studying the Bible. It was so refreshing to hear that kind of talk in the beauty shop. We shared about the studies that we had done... the ones that we were hoping to do next... and which ones were our favorites... She and I both shared about things that really spoke to us in the studies we are doing right now. I didn't even want to leave when it was time for me to go. She asked for my name, email address, and phone number so that we could be in contact again.

This morning when I got up.... I had an email from her. She suggested that we get our groups together sometime in the future. She shared with me that her group had even come up with a motto for themselves the night before.

God's timing is perfect. Meeting a new sister in Christ in the beauty shop... bringing Him glory in our conversation.... and who knows what else He has in store for us in the future. To God be the glory.

A basket of blessings

2009-02-09T22:02:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I just have a little to give. And many times I just need alot. This morning was one of those mornings. I didn't sleep very good. I woke up around 4 am and after a few restless minutes in bed... I decided to get up. There were many things rolling around in my mind. This seems to be happening often these days. One of the things rolling around in my head was the fact that we had no hot water. After I got my shower yesterday morning... I realized the hot water heater wasn't working. We all needed baths and the dishes needed washing. My heart is also heavy for a member of my family. Thoughts of this person had haunted me most of the night. My father-in-law is in the hospital and was scheduled for a heart cath this morning. AND... I had conferences scheduled with my middle school aged daughter's teachers. Before it was time to wake up my daughters for school.... I had enough time to pour out my heart's contents before the Lord. Only... then it was time to get up and start my day.

Within minutes of trying to wake up my oldest daughter... my eyes were stinging with tears. I thought to myself.... "this is ridiculous... what is the matter with me??" I felt the ache of that empty feeling inside. It was then that I realized that I had taken the time to pour out... but didn't take the time to allow God to fill me back up. As I rushed back down the stairs to get my Bible... I remembered an illustration that I have heard several times before. I was like a beggar... I had my empty cup out in front of me... begging for someone... anyone... to do something or say something that would fill me up. Something that would make me feel good. Something that would make me feel valuable. I have heard Beth Moore say that "if you allow God to fill you up... anything else you get all day will be gravy!"

I searched my concordance... I knew exactly what I was looking for. Psalm 90:14

Satisfy us (me) in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we (I) may sing for joy and be glad all our (my) days.

I kept repeating it... Lord, satisfy me this morning with your unfailing love. I want to sing for joy and be glad all day. It is your love that will satisfy me... your unfailing love.

Things got better. I didn't need to be vailidated by my poor daughters. It let them off the hook.

Tonight as I worked through my Bible study... it just happened to be about one of my favorite miracles of Jesus. Jesus feeding the 5000 with the little boys lunch. It is amazing how God will use the same story to speak to you at different times. The last time I remember reading the account in John's gospel... I was floored by the fact that they distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. I loved it that God used that story to show me that when I sit down... and position myself at His feet.... He will give me as much of HIM as I want. But tonight.... I kept thinking about no matter how "little" I have to give.... Jesus can multiply it beyond anything I can imagine. This morning... I had so little to give. When I went to him with my little bit... He multiplied it and supplied enough to make it through my day. He satisfied me with His unfailing love.... and the rest of my day was gravy!!

We have a new hot water heater. We all got baths and my dishes are washed. I cannot change my family member... so I just prayed for her. My father-in-law did well through his procedure... and received a new stent... he will not have to have by-pass surgery. And... I postponed the conferences with my daughter's teachers because of all of the other stuff that was happening. So I was able to sing with joy and be glad all day.

I thought about all the leftovers the disciples picked up after the 5000 ate... 12 baskets full. It must have looked a lot like gravy.

Then tonight as I was blog hopping.... I found this on Cricket's blog.... she gave me an award!!

Thanks so much Cricket.... this was part of my gravy today. You actually posted it on Friday, but God knew that I would need it today.

Also... I received another basket of blessings this past week from another blogger. It was actually a box... and it contained tons of Beth Moore CD's and DVD's. Gravy upon Gravy. My cup is overflowing. What started out as very little this morning... turned into more than I could imagine tonight. Glory to God!!

A mindful....

2009-02-04T08:48:00.005-05:00

***update at bottom***

My mind is so full of stuff. God has been speaking to my heart about some issues lately... and I want no part of what God is showing me may be happening in my heart. Oh! how I want a servant's heart. Then yesterday, my daughter had some issues at school which caused many more things to crowd into my mind. Not to mention that my husband and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye on how to react to this new situation. So after a "not so nice" discussions with my husband.... where I defaulted back to language that I thought had left my vocabulary years ago... I went to bed with tears in my eyes.

This morning I woke up around 4am (because there was a needy little person standing there poking me). Those things started rolling around in my head again. I knew that God was inviting me to come on down to "our spot" a little early so that we could have a little "pow-wow". So I got up and headed downstairs. After pouring my heart out about all the things that were crowding my mind.... asking for His wisdom and guidance... I felt him draw me into His Word.

I just picked up the Bible and opened it... Psalm 51... here are just a few pieces of it....

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to you great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin. (verses 1-2)

Just what I needed after that sailor talk I had last night. His love is unfailing!! Praise Him.

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts ;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. ( verse 6)

Oh yes... I poured out my inner parts to you... and you will be where my wisdom comes from

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take you Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (verses 10-12

Oh yes Father... please create a pure heart out of this prideful thing that I have inside me.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O' God you will not despise. (verses 16-17)

A broken spirit... a contrite heart is what God desires... is that what I had given Him???

Then I felt led to go ahead and start on my Bible study work... Luke 8:40-56

The story was of Jesus heading to Jairus's house to heal his daughter... and being interrupted by the poor woman that had been bleeding for 12 years. After her touching the hem of His garment and being healed immediately... Jesus continued to Jairus house to find his daughter dead and bunch of doubtful people at the door. Not deterred in any way... He walked in and brought the girl back to life.

Jesus's power is not limited to one miracle work at a time... He has more than enough to go around. He can take on my prideful heart... break it.... purify it... and then move on to all of these other issues that are at hand.

I still don't know what we are going to do about the issues at my daughter's school... we are scheduled to go for a conference on Monday. But, I do know what I am going to do with all the stuff that was rolling around in my head.... I took it to the Father... and I am leaving it there. I will hear His answer when He gives it. Hopefully it will be before Monday... but I trust who God is even when I don't understand the situation. And I know that I am to submit to my husband's authoritiy. He made that clear as well.

Pray for me... and my family. I do not want to do one thing that is outside of my Father's will.
Also... I have a friend having a lumpectomy this morning... say a prayer for her too.
Thanks... Lots of love,

***and if this wasn't enough... as I was trying to proofread my post, my husband called out from the living room that it was time for Beth Moore to be on Life Today. I jumped up and ran in there just in time to hear her teach about TRUST... Her scripture verse was Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
She talked about a spewing mind... a mind that is spewing over all kinds of things... and those are the very issues in which I am distrusting God. When I trust God... my mind will be in perfect peace. Thank you Father that you are such a personal intimate God.

A thin line.... real or pretend?

2009-01-31T15:00:00.004-05:00

I don't have a lot of time. I want to finish this post and my house cleaning before my sweet man comes home from taxi service. He is picking up our youngest at one birthday party and delivering her to another one. Such a busy little life. What a sweet man to do that so that I could stay home and clean the house... or blog.

I have been thinking about something since last Wednesday night. Actually, I have thought about it before... but I haven't come to a conclusion yet.

I believe in being real. I have learned that God desires for his people to be real. The world is hurting... the world is struggling... and if they look at us and think that we are "perfect"... then they will never think that they can measure up or be "good enough" to be a christian. Does that make sense??? So... I believe in being real. If you have read my blog much... you know that I have allowed God to use our struggles to show His power and what He is doing in my life. The inside is what counts. Eternity is what counts.

Anyway... with that said, last Wednesday night as we left church... I could sense there might have been a little problem when I got into the car. I could tell that my man was a little "undone". As it turns out... my teenager was a little too honest and critical when asked by the childrens' pastor how she thought youth group was going now that we have a new youth minister. Her sweet answer was, "boring". Now... I am sorry... I want my children to learn to be honest and real. I don't want them to learn to "pretend" about everything in their life... to make others think that things are just hunky-dorey... when they are not. I think that pretending leads to more pretending... and I don't like that. BUT.... neither did I like the humiliating feeling that came over me when I found out what she said. I gave her a little "talking to" about only saying things that are nice.... keeping her negatives to herself. To put that beautiful smile on her face and act like she loved it. To be happy while she was there.

Gee... I realized I was telling her to wear a mask while she is there. What??? That doesn't sound like what I believe in. But first of all.... everything short of text messaging 8000 times per month is boring to her. So... boring is probably not an accurate description of what is going on in youth group. But... the whole time I was talking to her... I kept feeling my insides cringing because I want my chidlren to learn to be "real". There I was telling her to put on a mask and pretend. Maybe.... I just want that later in their life. But can practice pretending for 20 years and then change cold-turkey and open up and be real with others?

Does that make sense?? I think there is a thin line between being "real" and pretending. I guess I want the real to be about their lives... not their opinion of others lives.

I was quite embarrassed. I wanted to just crawl in a hole. Maybe... I won't see the childrens' pastor for a while... and he will forget about their conversation by then.

This is just a quick thought on the matter.... I will continue to ponder it. I just think that it is a thin line trying to teach this to my children. When to be real... and when it is okay to pretend.

Thoughts??

Willingness...

2009-01-26T19:18:00.004-05:00

One of the things that I love most about God's Word is that it speaks to you differently at different times in your life. While I was working through my Bible study this week, I read a verse that I have read so many times before. Only... this time it didn't just speak to me... it screamed at me. It was a loving scream... but it was loud.

In Luke 5:12-13, this is what I read...

While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leporsy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" And immediately the leprosy left him.

I thought about the man's statement...

"Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."

The questions wasn't IF He could heal Him... but was He willing?? He knew that Jesus COULD heal him. He knew He was ABLE. The question was.... "you are willing". We were asked in our study to complete the following sentence...

Lord, if You are willing, you can ____________________________.

I came up with many things that could go into the blank space. I could have filled up the whole page. I know that my Lord is able to do all things... even the things that seem impossible. Nothing is too hard for Him. It really all boils down to... "are you willing?" So then I was pressed to think about what would influence His willingness. Will it serve His purpose? Will it bring the biggest glory to Him? Will it grow me for future Kingdom work? Will it fit into His perfect plan set into place before the foundation of the world? His will.

Unfortunately... God didn't just leave my thoughts there. He turned them around on me to say...

"Lynn, if you are willing, you can___________________________.

I can be the wife that God wants me to be... IF I am willing.

I can be the mother that God wants me to be... IF I am willing.

I can make a difference on my street... IF I am willing.

I can put my husbands needs before my own... IF I am willing.

I can love difficult people... IF I am willing.

I can minister to others... IF I am willing.

I can love unconditionally... IF I am willing.

His list just kept on going too. The same power that raised Jesus from the dead... is the power that enables me to do God's will. (Ephesians 1:18-20) He will give me the power to do what He wants me to do... through His Holy Spirit... IF I am willing. So there the question remains.... Am I willing?? Oh... I want to be willing.

I know that God could fix our financial problems.... if He is willing. If it will accomplish His eternal purpose.

I know that God could turn my angry teenager into a loving healthy young lady... if He is willing. If it will serve His eternal purpose in her life and those around her.

I know that God could give my friends the baby that they long for... if He is willing. If it will serve His eternal purpose.

I know that God could have healed my friends mother of cancer... if He had been willing. If healing her here would have served His greater purpose than taking her home.

I know that I can do the things that God has planned for me... if I am willing. Oh... again, I want to be willing.

Up and running...

2009-01-23T08:37:00.002-05:00

Yahoo!! My computer is up and running again. Brian the computer guy worked a little miracle on it... and here we are.

I am on my way to bed now... I worked all night... and boy am I tired. Hopefully I will be able to get back on for a regular post soon.

God is good.... all the time!!

Where did my joy go ?

2009-01-20T02:42:00.003-05:00

Well... actually I still have THAT joy! But the joy that I get from sitting at my computer reading my email... other blogs... and posting on mine... well, this is the joy that is missing. Oh how I wish I really understood computer stuff. For the last couple weeks I have noticed that everytime I log on the computer there is a pop-up window that comes up telling me about a threat to my computer. Something about a Trojan Horse???? Sounds like a history lesson to me. I just ignored it, until this past Saturday when my one little pop-up window turned into a full size desk-top window and two other small ones. So.... I broke down and called Brian, the computer guy. He sounded a little distressed when I described my problem to him. He really didn't give it a good prognosis. He will try his best. So... without a computer at home... well.... I feel so out of touch with the world. Right now my only computer time will come while I am at work. (that just sounds... "not right", doesn't it??)

Hopefully I will be able to get back on soon... till then...
Blessings,

I've got the joy, joy, joy.......

2009-01-15T22:52:00.004-05:00

Gee... its been a long time since I have posted. I'm not quite sure what I have been doing... but the computer has obviously not been a part of it. I am sure that my family wouldn't believe that.

My Tuesdays and I started a new Bible study on January 6th. We are doing Jesus The One and Only. (Of course it is Beth Moore.) Today I started on Week Two... and I nearly had a fit when she led us to this scripture.... that is... a Holy, Hallelujah fit. It was soooooo good.

One question was,

Why was Christ not sent for the nation of Israel alone??

She sent us to Isaiah 49:6... this just thrilled my soul.....

"He says, It is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back those of Israel I have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."

Okay.... did you catch that????? It was TOO SMALL A JOB for Him to come only for the nation of Israel. Now, that just sent me into a Holy Fit!!! I just squealed. I could picture all of those old beat up pick-up trucks that drive around our town with signs that boast of their services... saying.... Handy Man... no job too small! Please tell me that you love that.... it is not just me is it??? Well.... maybe it is just me... me and the Father. We had a great time with it!!!!! Beth's next statement was....

"It would have been too small a thing for so great a Savior!"

I also love it when Old Testament "stuff" is shown in the New Testament in Jesus. And my study was full of that too. It was a great day in the Word.

Also... I just want to share something else that God has done for me. If you have read my blog ever... you know about our financial struggles. And... no, we didn't win the lottery or even gain anymore income. BUT.... I have gained a much closer walk with God... and if that is not enough.... He is now laying ME on the hearts of His other children in order to bless me. I received the sweetest email the other day from another blogger explaining that God had put me on her heart and she is sending me a set of CD's by Beth Moore and two other teachers. I was absolutely thrilled..... God is the only one that knew that I needed that exact thing that she is sending me. I also received a gift card from my Mother-in-Law for Christmas.... and I have been trying to decide between a couple different sets of CD's and DVD's from the Living Proof website... soI decided to ask her for advise.... and she told me that she has those too... and will send those as well. Well.... that just blesses my socks off. God is so good. Ya'll... He brings me to my knees in praise.

I spent my of my ride to work tonight thinking about His goodness. I just kept saying to myself... ummm... ummmm...uummmm. Praise you Father!!!

New Beginnings

2009-01-01T09:34:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year!!

This morning as I sat down to have my prayer time, I already knew just what I was going to say. And I did.... I told God that I hadn't really enjoyed 2008... and I wanted 2009 to be better. I allowed myself to list words or phrases that came to mind when I thought about our 2008, here are some of them....

Hard times
Difficult
Financial disaster
Loss
Humbling (is this the right spelling?? it doesn't look right, but spell check says it's fine)
Stressful
Struggles with my children
Sending my children to public school after years of homeschooling

Then my journaling began to look more like this....

"But Father, I must confess that the journey that you and I have been on has been good. A more consistent quiet time, a deeper trust in ALL circumstances, a greater desire and longing to know you, hopefully less pride, more honesty and "real", more desires to be used by you... So all in all... from eternities viewpoint... I guess 2008 wasn't a bad year after all."

I did add...

"the financial battle has been hard. And, I am ready to be DONE with it. Finished, never to return again. I hope that we have graduated from this class. I don't want to take it again."

Then my 2008 list began to look like this...

Real spiritual growth
Saw what real friendship is like
Saw His amazing work in my "Tuesdays" (Tuesday night Bible study girls)
Saw one of my "Tuesdays" receive Christ as her Savior
Saw one of my "Tuesdays" fall in love with His Word
Learned to trust Him no matter what... even when circumstances don't change... He can
change me.
Being in a better place with HIM than ever before.

As I sat there, I realized that maybe 2008 had not been as bad as I thought. By the worlds standards... oh yeah, it has been bad. But by God's standards... it actually was good, better than good... great. I am a different person going into 2009 than I was when I started 2008. For that I am thankful.

So as I started my list of hopes for 2009, they started like this...

To bring in more money, to get ourselves straightened out financially... to be able to save
money , to actually have money for things like car repairs, vet bills, taxes, to be
able to share more money, etc........
A stronger marriage
Better relationships with my children
To see each of my children start a real "walk" with Him

As I sat there in the quiet of my "spot"... I realized that had it not been for the "bad" of 2008... I might not have been in a place to see the "good" of 2008.

And... if all of my hopes become realities in 2009.... will I really be in a place to see growth in my relationship with the Lord?? Knowing Him was on my list of things for the upcoming year... but it was underneath all of the other things that I hoped for. Will I be able to see it if I am busy enjoying all the other things???

My attitude this morning completely changed... I realize that no matter what 2009 can bring my way, as long as I have Him... I will get through it. It may be hard... it may not be what I wanted... it may be more painful than this past year... OR it may be just what I hoped for... but no matter what....

I JUST GOTTA HAVE HIM!!

Seeking Him is what I want for 2009. All the other stuff is what will make me who I am IN Him. Whether is be good or bad.... I want to be found in Him. Deeper. Trusting. Loving. Following. Obeying. Desiring more. Never satisfied with what I have of Him... always wanting more of Him. And the best part of all of this is... I know this is exactly what He wants for me too.

I ended my prayer time with this...

"I will praise you no matter what!!"
"I will love you no matter what!!"
"Grow me!" "Use me!" "Change me!"

"I am yours!!"

I am still looking for a "verse" to call my life verse for 2009. I will let you know when I find it. Last year I know that God spoke this one over me... Philippians 1:18b-20. (starting with Yes, and I will continue to rejoice,...........) I am not going to type it all out because I want you to go read it for yourself... see if you can decide why it was my verse for 2008. I didn't "get" it until about half way through the year... but it was my lifeline. My anchor. My promise from God.

May you have a Holy New Year... I think that "happy" is overrated.

A teachable Spirit...

2008-12-26T22:47:00.003-05:00

It is never too late to learn new things. I had to work Christmas night. I usually work 12 hour shifts... but on holidays we only work 8 hours. So... I didn't have to be a work until 11pm. I had enjoyed my day, had my 4 hour nap, and was ready to leave for work around 10pm. I remembered that earlier in the day my son asked if he could use my car to go pick up his girlfriend. Of course, this is because he needed to conserve his gas. I get my gas for free... so using mine in no big deal. NOT! I told him that I wasn't sure how much gas I actually had... so please make sure that I had enough left to get to work and back that night, because I expected that gas stations would probably be closed on Christmas day.

Right as I was getting ready to walk out the door, my son called on the phone. He told me that he knew that he left me on empty... with the gas light on.... and if I met him at the gas station he would be glad to pump my gas for me since it was so cold outside. I thought... well, isn't that nice of you since you were suppose to do that earlier in the day. Anyway.... I asked him if there were any gas stations opened?? After all... it is Christmas day!! To this question he replied,

"it won't matter, as long as you use a card you can get gas anyway."

Now... I am an adult. I have been driving for a lot of years!! And I knew how absurd this was. Of course you cannot get gas from a gas station that is closed!! I don't know where he would get such a crazy idea!! I would be lying to you if I told you that I was kind-hearted about all of this. Here it is... 10pm.... I have to be at work in one hour.... my gas light is on... I have a 60 mile round trip to make.... it is Christmas day... and the gas stations are closed. Now what??? Truth be known... I was pretty ticked.

He was so insistant. Within minutes he was home. He kept insisting that I follow him to the closest gas station. I muttered ugly things all the way to the car. I couldn't wait to prove him wrong. I wasn't sure how he was going to be able to fix this... but it was his fault... and it would have to be his problem to solve.

There is a little gas station less than one mile from my house. As I followed him down the road... he pulled in to this CLOSED gas station. So... I followed him in and pulled up to the pump... at this CLOSED gas station. He proceeds to get out and use his gas card in the pump.... AND to my absolute amazement.... He pumped me $5 worth of gas. At this CLOSED gas station!! I humbly rolled down my window and told him how sorry I was.... I was wrong. He was right. You can get gas from a CLOSED gas station. Who in the world would have thought that??? My next question was.... Who in the world figured that out??? What crazy person pulled into a closed gas station and tried to get gas???

Totally amazed!! Totally wrong!! Totally humble!! Totally able to make it to work with gas from a closed gas station.

Now... if you already knew this... I don't even know what to say. Maybe it made headlines one day, but I didn't get the paper. Maybe it was on the 6 O'clock news while I was watching something else. But to my little mind... this seemed to be something that was impossible.

I thought about the need to have a teachable spirit.

Proverbs 1:5 says,

"let the wise listen and add to their learning"

Now... I will be the first to bow out of the "wise" catagory... but I need to be willing to add to my learning. Even when it comes to learning something as absurd as getting gas from a closed gas station. Can you tell that this has totally turned my thinking upside-down???

God desires for us to have a teachable spirit. Learning through HIS teacher... whether it be my 18 year old son, my pastor, my friend, my enemy, a complete stranger, and well.... He can even speak to me through a donkey if need be. Am I open to what God desires to teach me?? Whether it is something I want to hear or not?? Or have I stopped desiring to be taught???

I thought about the times in scripture that Jesus desired to teach someone something... but they rejected it. Like the rich man in Matthew 19. He came to Jesus and asked what good thing he must do to get eternal life. He was looking for the easy answer. What he got was something that he didn't want to hear. Jesus first told him to obey the commandments. What a funny question came next.... He asked, "which ones?" He assured Jesus that he had kept all of these. (which I find hillarious, had he really???)

Then Jesus presses him just a little more... he told him,

"if you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

Scripture tells us that when the rich young man heard this, he went away sad. This is not what he wanted to hear. He didn't want to get it. He didn't want it to be about anything more than rules... certainly not about giving up something that meant a ton to him. Following Jesus. Not about following the rules.... but giving Him your heart. What you love most. Leaving all for Him. Allowing Him to teach you what is really important. To Him. Teachable.

Oh... I pray that I never stop being teachable. No matter what teacher He sends my way. No matter what THE teacher sends my way. I want to remain teachable. Forever learning more about Him.

Take all of your medicine

2008-12-23T10:27:00.002-05:00

Argghhh!! I do not like being sick. It all started with a little cough. It then progressed to a drainage issue... then into something that was so much like strep throat that it even had the doctors fooled. My youngest had it first. She missed 5 days of school. Then my son got it. Then my husband got it... and being the mom that never gets sick.... THEN I got it!! What??? I never get sick. But last Thursday, when I got up... not only could I not swallow at all... I even went to the doctor. That is something that hardly ever happens as well.

I felt so bad that I called my poor 71 year old mom to take me to the doctor. On the way home we stopped and got my prescriptions filled. So... I started on my antibiotics last Thursday. I took them all day Thursday and all day Friday. But... Saturday I felt like a new woman... so I stopped taking them. (what a great patient I am, right??) Well... I have you know that on Monday morning when I woke up... I could barely swallow again. You would think that as a mother... and a healthcare worker... that I would know that I needed to take all of my medicine!! But it all of my mighty wisdom, I decided that I had taken enough to make me better. Needless to say... I am taking my antibiotics again!!

As I have thought back over this... several things and stories have come to mind.

How sin starts out. Like my little cough... that progressed until it was a full-fledged nasty sickness. Sin may seem small... like a little lie on the phone.... but if not kept in check, it will progress until it grows into something much bigger. My preacher has said.... "sin takes you farther than you want to go... and keeps you longer than you want to stay". How true that is. It can be such a subtle thing to begin with... but before you know it.... you have gone farther than you thought you would... and it is much harder to get away. We must keep our lives in check so that we will not fall into the trap of sin.

Like just enough antibiotics to start my healing process.... just enough "Jesus" to keep you "safe" in your mind. So many people are just satisfied with going to church on Sunday morning. No quiet time. No seeking more. No longing to be like Him. It is really not what the Father prescribed. He desires for us to be changed into the likeness of His Son. I don't think that church once a week is enough to do that. We need to "take" all of the medicine that the Father can give us. His Word, His Presence, His Healing, His Peace, His Provisions... and He has so much more to give. He gives it to us. It is there for us... if we seek Him. Just like my medicine in the cabinet... as long as I just let it sit there... it will do me no good. I have to go take it. We have to seek Him... pursue Him. We will find our healing.

Then I thought about this scripture in Matthew 12:43-45

"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, "I will return to the house I left", When it arrives, it find the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."

This was something that struck me like a ton of bricks the first time I read it. Just like our lives. We can "remove" all of the things that were "bad" in our lives... the old sinful nature. But if we don't fill up that empty spot with something "godly" then the old sinful nature can come back with several of his evil buddies and take up residence again. Worse off than we started. I had removed the "bad" feelings of my sickness. But... I left an empty hole without resistance to the "bug" again.... so it was just about to move back in. I would have probably been worse off than when it all started. Thankfully I still had the remainder of my antibiotics in the cabinet.

So... hopefully I am on the mend AGAIN. I wouldn't have to say "again" if I had just done what the doctor had prescribed. This is what our Father has prescribed....

Jeremiah 29:12-14

"... " then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord."

Oh... I pray that I will do just that. Seek Him with all of my heart. He promises to be found.

Merry CHRISTmas to you and your family!! May God bless each and every one of you.
I love you!!

Good Friends....

2008-12-10T19:32:00.003-05:00

There is nothing like a good friend. You know the kind... the ones that know way too much about you and they love you anyway. The are there when you need them. They supply your needs... even when your pride is about to explode all over the two of you. And if that one applies to you... you know who you are and you know that I love you. We all need friends. But sometimes friends are hard to find. But there is one friend that longs to spend time with you. Of course... that is Jesus.

The Bible tells us that the Lord spoke to Moses, face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. (Exodus 33 :11) That is awesome. There are times when I know that God is speaking to me... it is never audible, but my spirit hears it just the same. Sometimes it is to comfort me... sometimes it is to correct me... sometimes it is to remind me of truth. No matter what it is... even when it is correction... I count it as a blessing. God speaking to me. Like a man speaks to a friend.

Jesus tells us in John 15:13,
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Of course He is speaking of himself. He follows up that statement with one that tells us exactly how to be considered his friend,

"You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last."

Now that is a great friend. First He loved us and chose us, then He lay down His life for us, then He makes known to us everything that His Father made known to Him. Wow! That is love.

I have some friends too... I love them. I am so thankful for them. They are true gifts to me from the Father... but I haven't lay down my life for them. But instead... I will give them a bloggy award.

I received my "Friend" award from Amanda at One Sacrifice For All Time. Thanks so much... I count it an honor to be called your friend.

I would like to award it to some of my friends here in bloggy land as well.....
Regina at Grinders Switch
Beverly at Moma's Blog Log
Pamela at The Pinkshoe Lady
Lelia at Write From The Heart
Tracy at My Cup Runneth Over
Amy at In My Life
Teri at A View From the Mountaintop
Paula at His Ways are Not our Ways

You ladies (and many more) mean the world to me. I love to hop over and see what the Lord is teaching you at the moment.
The requirements for this awards are:
"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find, and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

I love you all,

A Christmas Meme...

2008-12-08T00:06:00.010-05:00

Well... after that last post... it is time for a little fun. But, before we go on to the fun... I just have to tell you that God and I have hashed out that previous issue... my limp is much, much better, and the peace in my heart is unbelievable. God is so good. One of the things that I love the most about Him is that although He is ABLE to change my situation, He chooses to change me instead. I just love Him. There is no evidence like being changed on the inside.

My wonderful friend Tracy at My Cup Runneth Over tagged me for a Christmas Meme... so here goes:

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Oh... without a doubt, Hot Chocolate

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Just sitting out under the tree

3. Colored lights on house/tree or white? I finally won the fight.... white lights only

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No....

5.When do you put your decorations up? I would love to put them up on Thanksgiving night... but I can't always talk the rest of the family into it. So far this year... the tree is still in the attic.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? My mother-in-laws dressing

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? When I was really small... we would all gather at my great aunts HUGE house for Christmas dinner. We opened gifts and had so much fun.

8.When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What? I am not sure I know what you are talking about....

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? My family meets at my brothers house to have Christmas with my side of the family. We spend Christmas day with my in-laws.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Lots of different kinds of ornaments, some Santas, mostly Christian type ornaments, some sentimental...

11. Snow. Love it or dread it? I hate to admit that I hate it. Too cold. Too messy. All those wet clothes everywhere. And, I work in a hospital... we have to go to work no matter what, and stay however long. I do think it is beautiful when it is falling....

12. Can you ice skate? No, I am a chicken. Too scared to even try.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? I can't remember what I got last year... much less what I got long ago.

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays to you? Love the excitement of my children. Time with family. Okay... and getting gifts is pretty fun too.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? My aunts pumpkin roll

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? I love to bake with the girls. I love putting up the decorations...

17. What tops your Christmas tree? nothing...

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? well... I love to give gifts to people I love... not out of obligation, but out of love. But... come on, I love to receive as well.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Mary did you know??

20. Candy Canes. Yum or Yuck? I like the taste... but don't eat them very often.

21. What do you want for Christmas? Joy... it is going to be quite slim this year... I just want to see my children enjoy whatever they get. My fear for this year is that I may just cry all day because we aren't able to get them what they really want.

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas party? No... not other than with family

23. Do you dress up for Christmas Eve or wear PJ's? Usually a Christmas sweater and jeans

24. Do you own a Santa hat. No...

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with? Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with my in-laws.

Now I get to tag 5 people:

I cannot begin to choose 5 people... I would love to hear eveyone's answers to these. Go ahead, do it... it is fun. Just be sure to send me a comment that you are participating so that I can come by and check out your answers.

Here are the rules:

1. Post the rules on your blog.
2. Fill out the questions.
3. Tag 5-7 people at the end of your post.
4. Pass on the tag!

Have Fun!!

On the ground... with God

2008-12-04T09:39:00.005-05:00

Well... for anyone that needs for me to be "all good"... this post isn't for you. Anyone that might have had a day when your emotions were running wild and you felt like you were in a wrestling match with God... this might sound familiar to you.

Same old stuff.... I have driven the "financial issues" into the ground here. But... somehow they haven't gone away. Obviously there is so much more that God desires for me to know about Him... we are still going to fight this same old fight. And... what a fight there has been this morning. I wish I had known in time to charge admission. That might have fixed some of my problems.

Well... we all know what time of year it is. Anyone that gets paid every two weeks on the same day that I do... knows that we are just one payday away from Christmas. There have been no extra funds to start our Christmas shopping for the children... you know... the shopping that starts with... well.... Santa. Well... I had been counting on the fact that one of my co-workers needs off this coming Saturday... and if I worked for her, I would get 12 hours overtime. Well... I received an email this morning that they aren't going to allow me to work because they are trying to prevent overtime.

Immediately the tear and sobs began. And... the fight started. Without much warning..... I tried to go back to my quiet time... I picked up my prayer journal and wrote about 5 words... before I threw it. I threw my pen down... and said to the heavens, "I am MAD at you!!" And then more sobs came. Throughout the next two hours... I felt like I was in a wrestling match. Some of our conversations went like this....

Me: "now what???... I trusted you to make it okay for me to work this coming weekend so that I could provide Christmas for my children!!"

Him: "Oh, I thought that you trusted ME as your provider?"

Me: "well, what if you don't provide what I want you to provide??"

Him: "Bow down child, I know what I am doing."

Me: "Yeah... Well, I don't think I like what you are doing!!"

Him: "Oh... I thought this was about ME liking what you are doing...."

Me: "Okay... but I AM NOT HAPPY about this!!!"

Him: "Okay... I am not concerned with your happiness, remember.... it is you holiness"

Me: "I've been handling the rest of this stuff okay... but now you are messing with my children!!"

Him: "Did you forget that you are MY child????"

Me: "what about other people???... they pray and get what they want.. I pray.... I tithe... I haven't stopped even through all of this.... and it doesn't seem to be paying off for me the way I want it to!"

Him: "submit... and it will pay off the way I want it to."

Me: "what about Brad.... I don't see him trying to do anything to fix this....."

Him: "you and I can't work on him.... just on you!" "I know what I am doing!"

Me: "yeah... well I don't like it!"

Him: "yeah, I know... you told me that already" "I love you"

I feel like I will be doing more than the Jacob-limp today. I may have to crawl wherever I go. Don't think for one minute that I believe this fight is over. I still have way too much flesh left. But I am trying.

Through this whole process that God and I have been going through... He has brought me to a place of "well... what if?" meaning.... " what if He doesn't make things better?", "what if He doesn't change the way things are?", "what if you just have to go through this WITH Him?"... I have come to the place that I know that I will serve Him and love Him no matter what happens. It is a choice. I have read throughout His Word how His plan that looks like a disaster is really a divine plan of restoration. It has been a place that was difficult to come to ... but now that I am there, it is a great place to be. Or at least I thought so, before this morning. I know God well enough to know that if He couldn't use this to grow me... and to bring me closer to Him... we wouldn't have come here. So... I think that I will just stand up and throw in the white towel. That is the sign of surrender, right??

I know that God is for me.

I know that God loves me.

I know that God wants to grow me.

I know that God has my best interest at heart.

I know that God loves my family more than I do.

I know that God could rain down the lottery on us... even though we haven't ever bought a ticket.

I know that God doesn't work the way the world does.

I know that God sees the end... while I am sitting in the middle.

I know that God is faithful.

I know that God is Good.

I know that God has a plan.

I know that God is so totally about His plan.

I know that God doesn't have to let me in on that plan.

I know that God can scoop up my little battered and bruised body and put it up on His big lap and love me back into peace.

I know that the sooner I just surrender and allow God to be God... the sooner the wrestling match will end.

God has already shown me so much love. He has sent provisions through others. He wants to be my provider... It may cause another fight between me and my pride.... but it will not be a fight between my and my God. My most recent Bible study lesson was on submission and humility. Timely huh??

Thanks so much for allowing me to work through this with all of you. Thank you so much for sticking around to the end... to despite the blood that was flying. Thankfully... the bloodshed that happened over 2000 years ago was enough to cover this too. And... we will celebrate His glorious birth... with or without a lot of gifts from Santa. God is so good. Were it not for His unfailing love and mercy... I would have already been consumed. He longs for His children to surrender. He longs for His children to just say, "okay, whatever you want Lord." And, I don't think that He requires that I like it. And I am glad. He requires my submission and my obedience.

Please do not think that this is a plea for help... I just want to share what God is doing in my life. He is Good!! I think that there are a lot of people that sit out there and think that all should be "great" if you are God's child. That if they are struggling... then there is something wrong. Well... I do not believe that scripture teaches that. I believe that life is not about the "talk" but about the "walk". I just wanted to share how God and I are walking this morning... I am limping... but we are still walking.

Raw Emotion

2008-11-25T21:00:00.003-05:00

There is nothing like a good Psalm to adjust your attitude. Tonight I had to drive my daughter to her second counseling session. Against her will. She didn't want to go. As a matter-of-fact.. she said that if I made her go that she would just sit there and say nothing. The drive up there was anything BUT enjoyable. She screamed... I screamed... she cried... I tried not to cry. I know that this is the right thing to do, but making her go through the pain of it is not quite so easy. It is painful for me too.

I told the counselor when we arrived that she didn't want to come... and then I went to the bathroom to get on my face before the Lord and beg for his intervention. After I poured out my heart to Him... I headed for the lobby to wait. Something just kept telling me to go to Psalm 103. Now... lest you think that it just popped into my head out of nowhere... it didn't. I have spent some time in the past memorizing this Psalm. I know most of it by heart. As I read through it over and over... these lines kept jumping off the page to me...

"who redeems your life from the pit; and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

I started really praying those verses for my daughter.... and God impressed upon my heart not to stop with just those two verses... personalize the whole thing!! So this is how my Psalm 103 went...

"Praise the Lord O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise His Holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul;
I will not forget all of your benefits-

You can and will forgive all of our sins;
You heal all of our sin sick diseases,

You can redeem any life from the pit-
You are able to then crown them with love and compassion,

Father, you will satisfy all our desires with your good things- if we will let you;
You can renew our youth like that of the eagle's,

Lord, you work ALL for your righteousness;
and you bring justice for the hurt and oppressed,

You will make your ways known to those that love and seek you;
You show your wonderful deeds to your people too,

Father, you are compassionate and gracious to us;
You are slow to anger- I want to be like you,
You are abounding in love- fill my heart with it too,

You are not our accuser;
when you are angry you do not harbor it long,

Thankfully, you do not treat me as my sins deserve;
You have not repaid me according to my iniquities,

For as high as your heavens are above the earth that you created;
so great is your love for me and Jenna,

As far as the east is from the west;
so far you will remove our sins from your mind- if only we will ask you to.

As a Father should show compassion to his earthly children;
Your compassion for those that love and seek you is even greater,

You know how feeble we are... how we are formed;
You know that we came from the dust,

Our days are like the grass;
it can flourish like a flower in the field one day and be gone the next,

From everlasting to everlasting is your love is FOR me and FOR Jenna,
if only she will receive it,

You will be my righteousness, and it is for my children as well;
Please help me to keep my covenant to you and obey your precepts,

Lord, your throne is established in heaven;
and you rule in your kingdom over all,

Praise the Lord you angels;
you might ones that He created to do his bidding,

Praise the Lord all of you heavenly host;
you are His servants and you do His will,

Praise the Lord all of His works... all that He has made;
and please allow me to join in...

Praise you Lord, Praise you Lord!!... with all that I have and all that I am." Amen

Well... after that I was emotionally spent. I then started to work on my Bible study lesson. Of course it is a Beth Moore study... Living Beyond Yourself. She told a story of her daughter needing her help in the bathtub one night... her daughter said,

"last week I found a small knot in the back of my hair, and I tried to get it out with the brush. It hurt so much that I quit. Every day it's gotten bigger and bigger and now look!!! In the back, nearly all of her very thick, long hair was in a huge knot. The knot was so big and tight I could not imagine any other solution but scissors; yet I would have had to cut her hair to the scalp. I could not believe the mess. I sat down beside her, asking God for patience, and began to brush... one hair at a time! I tried to hold her hair as tight as I could so that she would not feel it pull, but finally the knot was too close for me to fit my hand between it and her head. The tears streamed down her cheeks. I asked, "Do you want me to stop?" "No, mommy. If you do I'll never get it out. Keep brushing." It took us many minutes to get through those tangles, and those minutes seemed like hours. Totally submitted to untangling the mess she was in, she rested her head in my lap and endured the pain. Her tears were not those of resistance. They were tears of submission: knowing that the end was worth the means."

Well.... thank you Father. I will endure this pain every week if need be. I so want you to untangle this mess that has grown into such a huge knot of rebellion, anger, hate, and hurt. I know that it is really her hair that is being brushed... but somehow my hair is tangled up in there too. My head can feel the pain and the pull too. But... it is my prayer that afterwards this painful hair brushing will leave us both with beautiful hair that glorifies my Father.

Also... Happy Thanksgiving!! Here are just a few of the things that I am thankful for:

The ladies that come to Bible study on Tuesdays

God allowing me to watch each of them grow in their relationship with Him

God's grace and mercy

My salvation

My family

My job

Chocolate anything... Especially milk

Skittles (and God knows which colors)

My heating pad that keeps me warm in the bed and on the couch

My church... all of it... the preacher and the choir... and everything in between

The desires that God puts into my heart to do His will... Even when it is not easy

The quiet in my house in the mornings before everyone else gets up

My little car that gets great gas mileage... And the low gas prices right now

Great Christian music... Turned up really load

Starbucks... Especially Pumpkin Spice Lattas

My mother-in-laws turkey and dressing

Eight hour lunches

Blueberry pop-tarts

The grocery game and coupons

A good nap

What about you? Have you made out a thankful list recently??

Judge or Jury?? Or Both??

2008-11-20T09:11:00.009-05:00

This week I have been on jury duty. This is actually the first time that I have ever had the "privilege" to be on jury duty. And... I used the word "privilege" very loosely. The only up-close and personal experience that I have ever had with jury duty was when my husband served on a murder case. Yuck!! It didn't leave a very pleasant memory in my head. A young boy with a mental illness had left his home... a few states away... without his medication... and came to our area and killed both of his grandparents and their neighbors. My husband didn't sleep for about a month.... although the trial only lasted about a week. My husband and some of the other jurors felt mislead by the explanation of verdicts that they had to choose from... so about a month or two later... my husband had to go to court for the defense to try to get the young boy another trial.... but that didn't happen. I just remember that my husband had such a hard time with all of this. So... you can see the reason for my excitement when it was my turn to have jury duty.

I arrived Monday morning at the courthouse with about 100 other lucky people. When we were divided up into 3 groups.... of course, I was in the group that had to stay all day. We went up to the courtroom where thr trial was to begin. The defense attorney and the defendant were seated on one side of the courtroom... and our local prosecutor was seated on the other side. They randomly chose names from the jury pool to come up before the attorneys for them to make their choice of the "perfect" jury for the case. About 8 names into it.... they called my name. I went up... with my arms full... my jacket, my purse, and my bag with my "stuff" in it... you know... my current book for Lelia's study, the next book for Lelia's study, two different fiction books, my Beth Moore bible study workbook, my Bible, my hairspray, my comb, my mints, my gum, my chapstick... and probably many other things that I have forgotten about. There I stood.... in front of the prosecutor's table.... while he viewed several different pieces of paper in front of him. He announced... "present the juror". That meant that he would accept me... it was now up to the defense attorney. Before the sweet little lady in front of the courtroom could ask his opinion.... he said, "excuse this juror!!". That meant that he rejected me. WHAT??? Now... I didn't even want to be on this jury.... but what do you mean that YOU don't WANT me on this jury??? I made my way back to my seat... not sure how to feel about all of this.

It was over so quick. I just sat there while they called out other names and made their choices. I couldn't just look at the person on the outside and decide in my head if they would be chosen or rejected. Sometimes... I would think... "they will send that one away"... only to hear them accept them and put them in the jury box. Other times... I would think that they looked acceptable to me... only to hear them be rejected just like I was. What was that all about???

I thought about another courtroom scene. Where I will be the defendant... The enemy... my accuser... will be seated at his table. My defender, Jesus Christ, will be seated next to me at our table. There will be no jury.... thankfully. Their opinion of me will not matter. The Judge will be on His throne. When the enemy stands against me.... my Father, the Judge, will look over at my defender and declare me FORGIVEN!! No amount of "wrongs" in the past will be enough to convict me. WOW!! At that time... I will also be acceptable to the accuser... he would love to have a chance to have me. BUT... my defender... will not even wait on the question... he will be quick to say, "Oh! no you won't have her!!". I will be excused !!

I didn't really want to be on a jury. I was concerned about judging someone's innocence or guilt based on words and not on sight. I wanted to make sure that even if they were found guilty in our eyes.... they knew that they could be forgiven in God's eyes. I wanted to make sure that they understood that what they did... didn't have to make up who they are. I am glad that it turned out the way it did. I didn't have to sit in judgment of this person.

But... then why do I find myself being judgmental at other times?? That's a good question... when no one needs my opinion.... it seems to be so easy to find. But... when the state of South Carolina wanted me to pass judgment on someone.... well... suddenly it became a big deal to me. If nothing else.... God has used this experience to show me several things about Him... and myself.

God is so quick to show me mercy... and no one else's opinion of my sin matters.

God doesn't need my judgment of others... although I am often quick to think it.

When I am actually called to give a judgment of someone else's sin... that is when it suddenly becomes important to me to show mercy. Maybe it is because I would have to voice it to the actual person and not allow it to just sit in my head. What does that say about my opinion??

I cannot judge a person's value by their appearance. You would think that I would already know this... and I thought that I did. But sitting there, I found myself trying to decide if each person would meet the attorneys standards or not. Most of the time I was wrong. There again... what does that say about my opinion??

Man.... I want to be more like Him... I need to be more like Him. Quick to show mercy. Quick to see the potential of every person. Slow to judge... and only when it is necessary.

Although I thought this week was a complete waste... maybe it really wasn't. Thanks God!! I imagine that this was really what this week of jury duty was all about... not the poor man sitting at the defense table... but about me sitting as the judge and the jury.

Yes To God

2008-11-14T22:10:00.003-05:00

Once again... this is my very late post about the great book that we are studying on Lelia's blog. We are reading Lisa Whittle's book, Behind Those Eyes. We are winding down on this study... I can't believe it is almost over.

I have to tell you ladies... I am not able to eat Skittles these days without thinking about the fact that God knows my favorite color Skittle. I know that it was such a simple statement in last week's reading... but it has left a lifetime's worth of impression on me. The last bag (snack size, of course) that I opened was overwhelmingly purple and red. I felt like God was looking down at me saying, "my little sweetie... this is just for you". He loves me that much. WOW!

On to this weeks chapter...

Chapter 9 We Are Completely Flawed Yet Forgiven

Lisa told us a story about her daughter intentionally smashing some potato chips on the floor at her son's school in front on the many others that passed by... her whole morning had been a mess from the beginning... to which Lisa said the only two words that she could come up with to explain her daughter's poor behavior was...

"Sin nature"

Well... that summed it right up. Our sin nature often leads us to do things that go against what we really know that we should be doing. There are so many times that I respond to my husband or my children in a way that is less than (okay... WAY less than) pleasing to God. I would have told you just moments before my outburst that I know that I shouldn't act that way... and maybe even that I wouldn't act that way. I cringe every time I see that "old self" come back to life in me... I so wish that it would just go away. But... I guess if it were really gone... I might forget that I truly need a Savior. But instead, so often I am sent back to the sweet feet of my Jesus asking him to forgive me for being my "old self".

Lisa then said,

"It's not that we can't do right or that we are helpless victims to our sin nature, but if we do not allow ourselves to be controlled by the Holy Spirit, our sin nature takes over. And that's when things get really messed up."

There is another mouth full. Being controlled by the Spirit. God so graciously sent His Holy Spirit to live inside of each believer... for that very purpose. To help us walk in victory over our sin nature. To keep our sin nature from taking over again. Being controlled by the Spirit is a job. It is not something that happens without effort. We must work at submitting to His authority. I wish that I could come up with a quick little formula to make this happen... but I am afraid that there is not one. So the battle continues.

Lisa also said,

"We are fleshly and flawed."

"For if there were no flaw, there would be no reason for forgiveness. And then we wouldn't get to see the awesome power of God miraculously at work in our lives."

I am pretty sure that if given the choice of walking in perfection... or seeing God's miraculous work in my life... I would choose to see God's work in my life. And... well.... he gives me many opportunities to see that as I battle my sin nature.

The next section of the book was about being completely forgiven. Lisa's example of her forgiveness for her child is about the best way for me to imagine God's forgiveness... but even at our best example, it still does not compare to God's forgiveness.

A while back I started to try to memorize scripture... my first attempt was Psalm 103. I did pretty good for a while... so many times I recited the line,

"as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us".

(just in case you think that I arrived at my goal... I just had to look the verse up to be sure that I had it correct!) I always let that description just flow over me... not really getting into my heart. Lisa's explanation of that made me really stop and think about it...

"...there is a measurable distance from the north to the south, but there is no measurable distance form the east to the west. God used those words because He wanted to illustrate for you and me that His forgiveness for us cannot be matched or measured. It is without condition or limits. There is no cap on how many times He will forgive us."

Wow. How much more could we ask for?? How much more could that inspire us to strive not to need that much??

Lisa also pointed out this scripture...

"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him." Daniel 9:9

I was stunned by that word... rebelled. Somehow... "disobeyed" makes it sound a little less severe. But... in reality, no matter what we call it... it is severe. Only God could forgive us so completely. I am so thankful... I will also rejoice in its truth.

If you are interested in seeing the many posts about this chapter... just click here. This has been quite a journey. I am so blessed to be making it with so many sweet ladies.

Also... God is working up a post in my head about the difference in being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper. Beth Moore started this whirlwind in my mind a few weeks ago in one of our video lessons in Living Beyond Yourself. I am really struggling with this. God is doing a work in my heart about it. I am not sure how it is going to turn out... but I want Him to do a work. I'll be back with that hopefully soon.

Yes To God...

2008-11-05T22:41:00.006-05:00

This is part of a book study that we are doing on Lelia's blog, Write from the Heart. We are reading Lisa Whittle's book Behind those Eyes. I have loved this book. We are almost done... and I am not sure that I am ready for it to end. It's been great.

Chapter Eight We are completely loved and accepted completely

Lisa started this chapter with one of my favorite verses of scripture...

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

I just love the word "lavish". According to the dictionary, lavish means to expend or give in great amounts or without limit. Love in great amounts... and without limit. Doesn't that sound unbelievable?? Well... with God, we can believe it. Our view of love is so scarred by life... and our experiences. But God is not scarred by anything... except the nail scars on the wrist and feet of Christ that show his lavish love for us. Man.... that is some serious love.

Lisa shared many scriptures about God's love for us... another one of my favorites is...

"I have loved you with an everlasting love" Jer. 31:3

Lisa reminded us that in the story of the Samaritan women... we see God's gracious love. Jesus knew all about her... he knew that she would be at the well... he knew she was thirsty... he knew that he had exactly what she needed... AND WANTED. Lisa said,

"Jesus' love was the only answer for her thirsty heart. She didn't have to have a proper pedigree, and her past was of no eternal importance. All Jesus wanted to do was give her the gift of love she hadn't been able to find in anything or anyone else."

I am so glad that I don't need a proper pedigree... because I sure don't. And well... my past.... I am glad that it has no eternal importance. The Father knew all about that stuff when he called me to be His child... and He still called me. He still loves me... lavishly!

The most awesome statement for me in the whole chapter came at the bottom of page 139. I know that this may sound a little trivial to some... but Lisa said,

"Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that God knows your favorite color of skittles?"

That is an awesome thought to me. I don't even know my children's favorite color of skittles. I can't remember which one of my children doesn't like ketchup. I often offer my son popcorn... only to hear him say, "Mom! I am allergic to popcorn!". And I have only had about 15 or more years to remember that. I don't think that I have ever even told anyone my favorite color of skittles... of course I have one... actually two favorites.... but I haven't told anyone about them. He knows my favorite fast food restaurant. He knows my favorite song. He knows my favorite outfit. Don't you get it??? He really KNOWS me. I bet if I were to ask all of my children and my husband what my favorites are... not one of them could get every answer right. The way that they know me is nothing in comparrison to the way that God knows me. And He is the one that loves me best. That is more than I can comprehend.

Lisa then said,

"It never ceases to amaze me how God pauses every now and then to show me in a divine way that His acceptance of me is a nonissue."

This morning after I got up... I was slap-dab in the middle of a pity party... when I felt God calling me to meet Him in His Word. I opened my worn out Bible to Psalms... I read some of Psalm 84... then moved on to Psalm 86. It starts out like this....

"Hear, O Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you,
You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me."

There He was. Pausing to let me know that even in my needy state this morning... His love and mercy were still there. He hears me. He will answer me. He knows my favorite color of skittles, for heaven's sake!! That fact has stayed on my mind since the day that I read it. I don't expect that it will leave my mind any time soon. What is your favorite color of skittles?? I know someone that knows!! Yes, we are completely loved and accepted completely.

Hearing from God in the Zoo

2008-10-29T09:06:00.005-04:00

Last night was my favorite night of the week. Bible study night!! I couldn't wait on the ladies to get here... My sweet man was even cooking our supper. Since he loves to cook outside.... it was hamburgers and hot dogs... and it was great!! We had looked forward to this for several weeks.

We all fixed our plates and sat down to get started. Sounds like everything is going great huh?? Well... about 20 minutes into the video... I decided to pause it and back it up. Only... I started the entire thing over. Then... I tried to fast forward to the right spot. When I thought that I might be close... I pushed "play" only to realize that I needed to fast forward again. Except... when I tried to fast forward again.... I restarted the whole thing for the second time. I decided to just go to the menu and start over. Only this time... we were on the wrong lesson. This happened for about 5 or 10 minutes. It was absolutely ridiculous. Talk about being "technology challenged"!! When I finally got it started over... on the correct lesson... one of our other ladies arrived... I laughed and told her that we held off the video just for her. Whew... surely things had to get better from there.

Wrong!! There we sit... all 8 of us. Two on the couch, three in the floor, two on the love-seat, and one in the queen of all chairs... the recliner. Along with two adult cats, 5 little hungry kittens following their weaning mother around like little ducks... two children laughing hysterically upstairs, (which I must admit... I loved hearing) and about that time.... here comes a weenie dog flying down the stairs, running through the living room with my husband and my daughter on its heels. Now keep in mind... Beth is trying to teach us something from God's Word. Our crazy dog loves one of the ladies in our group... and he was desperately searching for her... but the more my husband chased him... the more he ran. I felt like I was sitting in the zoo. Total chaos. You know... for a few little moments, I could hear the enemy saying in my ear, "you shouldn't even try to do a Bible study here".... "your family and house is like a zoo".... "these ladies are probably thinking that your family is a disaster".

I just looked at those ladies and said, "you know that I love you girls, right??" And I do. I am so blessed by that group of women. I love Tuesday nights... and start looking forward to them again by Wednesday morning.

You know... My God is faithful. He taught anyway. Right in the middle of all of the chaos and noise... He spoke to us about peace. How perfect, huh??? Peace that only comes from Him. It is His to give. According to John 14:27, Peace belongs to Jesus. Romans 8:6 tells us that the key to peace is the Holy Spirit. We must have the Holy Spirit to have real peace. We must have Jesus to have the Holy Spirit. So... there in the middle of my zoo... I had peace. God is not shocked by what goes on in my funny little zoo. He is not surprised that the enemy would try to use that zoo to distract us and discourage me. And I am not shocked that God would choose that very moment to teach us about a peace that defies circumstances.

Right now... there are many circumstances that challenge the peace in my heart. Finances, a wayward angry child, upcoming changes... the list goes on and on. God's desire for us is to have peace. This statement from our lesson stuck out to me... "to the degree that I submit to Christ's authority, is the exact degree that I will have peace". Think that through. If I want to have more peace... I have got to submit to Christ's authority in my life. The more I allow Him to rule... the more peace I will have.

Peace in the midst of the zoo. Peace in the midst of a storm. Peace in the midst of the tears. Peace in the midst of difficult circumstances. Peace... God's peace. I want it. I need it. It is available... anytime I choose to allow Christ to have authority in my heart.

I hope to be back soon with my Yes to God post for this week....

Yes To God Tuesday... or is it Thursday?

2008-10-23T09:19:00.006-04:00

I feel like it has been ages since I have been on my blog... much less anyone else's. I have been doing something else... I am just not exactly sure what. I have also had a little bit of writer's block. I'm glad to be back.

This is part of a book study that Lelia from Write From the Heart is hosting. We are reading Lisa Whittle's book Behind Those Eyes. If you haven't read this book... it is great. You should run out and pick up a copy... after you read this post, of course.

Chapter 5 Ms. Spirituality

Now this chapter really spoke to me. I didn't want it to... but it did. Lisa started off with Ms. Spirituality's checklist. She has to make sure that she is all checked off.... Here is her list... with my check-marks....

Attends Church and Sunday School YEP!

Volunteers for non-profit and Christian organizations every chance she gets Do church "things" count?? Like Judgement House, Awana, and Decision Counselor?? If so, YEP!

Knows proper "Christanese" and uses it frequently YES! PRAISE THE LORD!

Collects money from others for the less fortunate opps.. I don't do this YET!

Listens to Christian Music, Radio, and only Christian TV YEP, YEP, and YEP if we had
Christian TV around here. That is if I watch TV at all.

Often wears Christian pin or T-shirt and has an emblem on her car YEP!

Attends at least one women's conference per year OF COURSE I DO!!

Prays for Missionary families.... Oh no... I have missed another one!!

If I (oops, I meant she) really needs to impress...

Attends midweek service and leads at least one church ministry YEP!

Journals or BLOGS... WHAT??? Even this???? YEP!

Gives money to the less fortunate Wonder if giving money to Life Today so that I can receive one of Beth Moore's resource counts??? If so, YEP!

Attends more than two women's conferences per year TRY TO!!!!

Well... after that little exercise... I had to stop and rest from the book a while and do some soul searching. I do many things on that list.... MANY things on that list... But the question is why do I do them??? Is it to make Lynn look better?? Probably more times than I would like to admit. If I do even one of them to make myself look better.... that is one too many.

I want my heart to be pure before the Lord. I want to do everything that I do for His glory... not mine. But it is so hard to kill this flesh that I live in.

As I continued on in the chapter, there were many things that Lisa said that stuck out to me...

"The point is not that Ms. Spirituality does these things, rather, why she does these things. Remember, it's all in the performance, not in the act itself."

That statement reminded me of what happened last Sunday. We have decision counselors at our church. They are available at the end of the service to provide needed counsel for anyone that responds to the invitation. That could either be for accepting Christ as their Savior, repentance, re-dedication, or anything else that God may has laid on their hearts during the service. Several weeks back, the church held a class for anyone interested in becoming one of these counselors... And you know that I signed up. There have been a few times that I have led someone to the Lord... but I figured that I could do it a lot better if I took a class on it. So after class, I came home... fixed myself a little Bible with underlined scripture, notes inside, and everything that I would need to be a decision counselor... and then I did nothing for the next couple weeks. This past Sunday we had such a powerful service... and I listened as the Pastor asked if anyone had prayed the prayer to receive Christ... one, two, three, four, five, six, maybe even more!! I knew that there would not be enough counselors down there.... so I reached in my bag and pulled out my "new" Bible with all the necessary stuff and went down front to wait to be called on..... And sure enough... The Pastor sent me a girl.

Well... I am horrified to tell you... that I have no idea what I said to her... no idea if she even got what I was telling her... and no idea what took place. I was so nervous. I was shaking. I was so worried about my performance that I couldn't even speak clearly. I am not sure that I even addressed her real need... which was to make sure that she had her eternity settled with the Father. Oh... I listened to her tell me that she remembered being saved as a child... I remember her telling me that she had not been living "right"... I remember spouting out a few verses about being saved... I remember rattling off a few more scriptures about assurance of salvation.... The whole time we could hear the Pastor announcing other decisions... I felt so rushed... I felt so much pressure... I thought that I would explode if church didn't end soon. Afterwards... I felt like a total failure. I was horrible at that. I couldn't believe that it was so hard. I was embarrassed that I had not done a better job. My "performance". Is that what that was??? I would have hoped not. But I can tell you that is all that I could think about for the rest of the day.... my performance.

Lisa then said,
"All of our good deeds and actions depend completely on the motive of our hearts."

I thought that my motives were pure. I am almost positive that they started out pure. But somewhere along the line... my performance became more important than her confession and her realization that she needed to surrender her life to Christ and allow Him to the the Ruler of her life. How did that happen???

Lisa said,

"There are many people sitting in church pews, attending visitation, teaching a Sunday School class, and volunteering for a mission project who are actually lacking spiritual depth in their relationship with Christ."

I think that was my problem. I will tell you the truth.... my quiet times over the last week or two just haven't been all they should be. I haven't felt intimate with my Heavenly Father for the last couple weeks. Now... I know that He is still in the same place... it is me that has moved. And I am working on that. But, I wasn't where I needed to be in my walk with Him to rest in his provision. I was worried about my performance... not looking for His power. I wonder if that is where Ms. Spirituality jumps in. You still know what is "right".... you are just not "right". Your body goes into automatic pilot... and you go through the motions. Your focus leaves the Father.... and you are just trying to keep doing what you know is "right". The problem is that if we don't come back into intimate fellowship with the Father... we may just become Ms. Spirituality all the time.

Then Lisa tells a story about a visitor in her Sunday School class. After class the women comes up and admits that she was concerned about bringing her husband to this class... because he is an alcoholic... but how excited she was when she started talking to the man sitting beside her and he shared that he was an alcoholic too. The visitor then said,
"Now I feel like someone here may be able to relate to him , after all."

Well... isn't that all of us??? We just want to know that we aren't alone in our struggles. We are just waiting on the next person to speak up and say that they are struggling so that we can spill our guts and know that we really do "fit in".

By the time that I ended that chapter... I was so relieved to find Lisa's statement,
"Fortunately for all of us, spiritual perfection is not a requirement to faith in Jesus Christ."

and then,

"Though we seek it, our lack of spiritual perfection may be the best thing in the world for us since it reminds us that we are absolutely nothing without Christ."

Now looking back... I know exactly why my first experience being a decision counselor needed to be a failure... Sorry Shelly.... I am praying for you.... otherwise... I may have continued to try to do it in my strength. My performance can never measure up to God's power. I know now that unless my walk is where it needs to be... I will stay in my seat . Or, instead, I will probably just crawl up to the alter myself and seek God's forgiveness for not being ready when He desired to use me.

I knew at the beginning of this study that the church is full of people being fake. The song that Lisa quoted is one of my favorites. I had hoped that I wouldn't find myself so guilty of being in the charade... but there again... I needed to see my failures so that God's power can be displayed.

I can't wait to finish this study. Next week we will be reading and discussing chapters six and seven. Join us back then... If you are interested in seeing if Ms. Spirituality stepped on anyone else's toes, just click here.

Also... if you are wondering about the situation from two of my last three post... well... we are still in the throws of it. I have done as much as I possibly can to prevent any communication between the two of them... which means canceling texting on our phones. There are some moments (very few) when she is thankful for what I am trying to do... but most moments she is angry at me for "butting" in. Don't you just hate that as her mother, I have had to "butt" in. Oh well. Thanks so much for your prayers. Keep them coming. I do not believe this is over yet.

Thank You to Ms. Joyful...

2008-10-16T16:41:00.003-04:00

So busy... I haven't even posted (my first try at typing that said "pooted") my Yes to God post on Ms. Happiness. There is so much in there. And there is so much going on in my house right now. Just know that I need your prayers and God's wisdom. It has to do with the post below on Wisdom and Warnings. If you have ever heard Beth Moore talk about "flagging" you know what this means, "I am about Six Flags over Georgia right now". So many red flags are flying around me. I am trying to find help... but it is hard to find. I need an inside track at Verizon Wireless.. one that is not afraid to save my daughter... and possibly loose their job. Know anyone like that?? If so, let me know. I hope to be back soon with my post on Ms. Happiness. I am so glad that my joy is not dependent on my circumstances. Real joy is from an inside source. Thank You Lord.

A new blog on the block...

2008-10-14T15:07:00.002-04:00

I am going to shamelessly advertise my friends new blog, Knowing the Plans. I have written about her before... here and here and even a little bit about her over here. She is quite an amazing women of faith. She is just getting started.... why not go over and give her a little encouragement. She blesses my heart... and I know she will bless yours too.

I've got a busy day ahead of me... I will be back probably tomorrow with my post on Ms. Happiness. I think that you may even know her.

Warnings and Wisdom

2008-10-10T22:36:00.006-04:00

My daughter has a broken heart. It is absolutely killing me. The worst part of her broken heart is that I have seen it coming for a long time. I even warned her that things just didn't seem right about this so called "boyfriend". Please know that "boyfriend" is her term for him... not mine. There were many red flags for me... being the wise OLD woman that I am. Over and over I pointed out things that were not consistent in his stories. There is very little chance that the same person has experienced a skateboard accident that landed him in the Intensive Care Unit with amnesia for over a week, then an emergency appendectomy, then his parents threw him out only to have to move to another state to live with relatives... and the list just goes on and on. Everything seemed to pull her in emotionally. To make matters worse... she has never seen him with her own eyes. She met him through an acquaintance and has only text messaged with him. But, she fell.... hook, line, and sinker. Finally he sent her some pictures of himself... and he was such a beauty. Sounds too good to be true, huh??...

Well today, she clicked on his picture to enlarge it.... and it took her to a myspace page. Only... this person had a different name than her "boyfriend". There were pictures of this person in cap and gown... but her "boyfriend" was only suppose to be 16. Her heart broke into a million little pieces. He had lied to her. He wasn't the person that he was trying to convince her that he was. (sounds like the book I am reading) Now... before you start telling me about the dangers of the Internet and carrying on with people you don't really know.... I KNOW ALL THAT! I have warned her about that over and over too. I have done so much to prevent this... but to no avail.

And... this isn't even the point to this whole story.

I went into her room and found her on her bed, face in the pillow, crying. When I asked her what was wrong... she said, "I don't want to talk about it... you will say, I TOLD YOU SO!". Seeing her pain... I assured her that I would not say that. Finally, she started to tell me... through her tears... that he had lied to her. He wasn't who she thought he was... (Surprise!)

I wouldn't have said, "I told you so"... for a million dollars. Her heart was broken and she needed compassion and grace... not my harsh "knew it all the time" attitude. So I spent as much time loving on her and comforting her as she would allow.

I started thinking....

I am so much smarter than she is, why wouldn't she listen to me???

Why does she automatically think she knows what is best for her... I am her mother after all???

And you know what happened next... God so sweetly said to my spirit,

"I feel the same way about you sometimes"
"I am so much wiser than you."
"I know what you need and what you don't need."
"Why don't you listen to me?"
"Why don't you heed my warnings?"

Why is it that I so often think that I know what is best for me. Taking the path of my choice and not heeding the warnings that God is sending my way?? Oh... He tries to warn me. But I pretend not to hear Him. He is the giver of Wisdom... yet many times I don't even ask for it.

Then... when things are a mess.... I realize that He knew best... But at the time... I just rushed head on into what I thought was best or at least into what I wanted. He knew I should have kept my mouth shut today while I was grouchy with my husband. He knew that I should have saved the money that I spent yesterday on something silly because I would have a flat tire today. He knew that these tough times that we are going through were going to lead to closer walk with Him. He also knew that they were going to leave me with a huge desire to KNOW Him more.

It really does pay to listen to the wise one. It will lead to less pain and less hurt. But it is a choice that we have to make. A choice that I will have to make.

I can't make my daughter listen to my advise. I can continue to love her. I can continue to try to guide her... but ultimately it will be her decision.

God WILL not MAKE me follow His guidance. Ultimately it will be my decision to do it.

After seeing my sweet one's tears and pain today... you would think that I would take my own advise and listen next time to the warnings of the wise one. I pray that I will.

Yes to God Tuesdays...

2008-10-08T10:37:00.004-04:00

This post is part of the book study that Lelia is hosting on her blog. We are reading Behind Those Eyes What's really going on in the souls of women by Lisa Whittle. This book is about becoming the real you... not the one you pretend to be. You can join in at any time.

Chapter 3 Ms. Confidence

This is the lady that appears to have it all together and appears to be so strong... or at least that is what she wants us to think. Lisa says,

"For them, as it is for so many of us, it is not acceptable to show that we need someone when we are trying so hard for people to see us as self-sufficient, strong, independent, and fearless. So we choose to portray a confident woman with it all together in order to save ourselves the pain that might come with people seeing our vulnerabilities."

"it (portraying confidence) robs us of the joy that comes with exposing our souls to a trusted companion."

"Confidence is often so afraid of rejection- either because of past hurts or past experiences- that she prefers to stay in her confidence shell and not let the soft side of her emerge."

I have to be honest and real... I don't see myself in this role. I have used my time this week to seek God. I have asked Him to show me if I play this part... but so far... nothing. Maybe I have just blocked it out of my memory. Or worse yet, maybe I haven't been really listening to God. I am going to continue to seek his face on this. I don't want to miss on opportunity for God to remove something that is useless in my life.

I love the way that Lisa summed up this section,

"... women who are open and vulnerable and real and genuine and without pretense. Those are the things that truly take strength."

And....the poem of The Strong Women vs The Women of Strength was awesome. Especially this part...

"A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape... but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape."

I am sure that I should probably work out a little more than never... but it just isn't something that I like. I know my clothes would fit better if I would do it whether I like it or not... but I just haven't tackled that yet... even the word "tackle" makes me sweat.

When I think about Ms. Confidence, I think of how unapproachable she appears. No one can get close. And which one of us women don't want a "close" friendship?? I have actually had friends like this... It was so obvious that they were playing a "part", and I learned that no matter what I tried... I couldn't get in.... I say "had" because to be perfectly honest... we aren't really friends anymore. Now... do we speak and hug when we see each other?? Oh yea!! Are they on my list of people to call in a crisis?? Well.. of course not... they aren't any help.... they have never had a crisis. And even if they have had a crisis... they wouldn't dare share it with me... it would ruin my "perfect" perception of them. Or so they think. Actually my heart aches for them. I know that they have to be lonely on the inside... miserable... so worried that someone might "find them out". I want to just stand up on the top of my house and yell out, "being real is so freeing"!!!! It lets God's work and glory shine through.

I love the last part of this chapter... with truth about confidence... the properly placed confidence...

"And now... continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident" 1 John 2:28

"God says, that when we put our confidence in the right place (in Him), our lives will be blessed." Jer. 17:7

"Our confidence comes from knowing not only whose we are but also who He is."

Next week we will be reading Ms. Happiness. Well... actually, I will be reading that today. I want to know more about her. If you are interested in how God spoke to others through this chapter click here.

Yes to God Tuesday... praise God... on Tuesday!

2008-09-29T19:57:00.005-04:00

This is part of a book study that we are currently doing on Lelia's blog. We are reading Lisa Whittle's book Behind Those Eyes, What's really going on inside the souls of women. This book is about being real... I mean REAL... no pretending.... no charades, just real, the person that we really are. This is what I want. What is the point of pretending to be someone I am not?? It will exhaust me trying to make sure that no one "finds" me out. Guess how I know?? Because I have played the part before.

This week we are reading Chapter Two

Ms. Perfection

Lisa starts us out with the Sunday morning fake out... you know the one... you have a horrible morning trying to get everyone ready for church, argue all the way to church, and then put on a big smile and a happy voice for everyone. Pretending. Putting on a happy face. Trying to convince everyone that you are the perfect women, the perfect mom, the perfect wife, and the perfect Christian lady. But... on the inside, you know that is far from the truth.

Lisa tells a story about putting together the perfect Easter outfits for her family. Everyone is perfectly dressed. About mid-way through the service she looks down only to find a bright, royal blue ink pen mark across the front of her perfect white linen skirt. She felt as if God has said to her,

"Lisa, you can prepare and plan and anticipate things and seek perfection. But just in case you have forgotten that you are anything but perfect, let this remind you of just that."

Lisa said,

"The pen mark symbolized to me the imperfections in my life, no matter how well thought out and organized I may be.

Boy, can I relate to some imperfections!!

Lisa breaks "Ms Perfection" down for us into three different groups...

The perfect wife syndrome

Lisa said,

"Ms. Perfection really wants to be a good wife. She has all the right tools for it, and she has the willpower and desire to succeed. But in her quest for perfection, she has worked herself into a bad mood even before her husband comes home at the end of the day."

I don't think that I am that person.... but this is what happened today. I may have to rethink this.

This morning, while I wanted to blog jump and spend my day doing things that I wanted and needed to do... my husband had some things that he needed me to do. Like go to the bank, and take the computer to the doctor so that we can print up his customer's bills (something that is VERY important). After his second phone call to see if I was making progress on HIS list of things for me to do... I huffed upstairs to take a shower and get ready. Afterwards, I proceeded to try to get the computer unhooked so that I could lug it to the car. Well... one of the printer cords had made its way under the side of the computer desk... and for the life of me, I could not get it free. I called to see if my husband could hop on over to the house and help me with HIS job for me. Of course not... he was busy! About 15 minutes later and one hernia later... I finally got the cord free and both the computer and the printer to the car. I tried to call him to let him know that I had accomplished my mission. No answer. Within a few minutes he called me back to see what I needed again... I told him about the reason for my call, and he huffed at me...

"You didn't have to call me back, I told you I would call you when I finished this job".

So as I drove out of the neighborhood... I had a conversation with God.... it went like this...

ME: "Did you hear how ungrateful he is??" "I really want to be a good wife, I mean, I really do... but he sure wasn't very kind to me!"

God: "Oh, so you want credit for being a good wife to a good husband??" "Is that it??" "A good wife only if he is the good husband back" "What good is that??"

Me: "Well, no, that isn't what I meant."

God: "Really??, that is what is just sounded like."

I still don't think that I have the perfect wife syndrome... but I have found that it works best when I am real with God. I usually take His rebukes for my poor behavior better than I would if it were my husband. It brings conviction... not anger.

The Perfect Mom Syndrome

Lisa said,

"Sometimes the perfect mom syndrome causes us to fall into the comparison trap with other moms."

"After all, we have been programmed to believe that behind every perfect child is a perfect mom. And we take that role very seriously.

Well... after my past week at the middle school, I guess I have totally blown this charade. No one will buy this one from me anymore... actually I guess it has been quite a long time since I have been able to pull this one off. The thing about the comparrison trap is that we often see what others want us to see... not what is necessarily real. They are just better actors that we might be. Moving right along.....

The Perfect Package

Well... Ha! I wish this were me. Lisa says,

"The perfect package is focused on making her outside look better by any and every means necessary, which may include tweaking, nipping, tucking, pulling, stretching, bleaching, manicuring, lasering, zapping, and comouflaging. While there is nothing necessarily wrong with any of these things, there is a dangerous societal pressure that motivates the perfect package to seek these procedures."

"The perfect package first needs to feel perfect in order for her to sell others on it. And it's become a full-time job."

I wish that I would do something about my lack of the perfect package. But... what can I say,?? I love chocolate. And our finances will keep me from the nipping and tucking until I am too old to care. But I will admit... for the sake of being real... that I am jealous of the ones that do what it takes to be closer to the perfect package. My spirit is weak... and my flesh is even weaker.

The letter that Lisa included at the end of the chapter from her high school friend spoke volumes to me... her friend said that after a lifetime of trying to be perfect she has finally come to a place where she can be herself.... she said,

"Now I strive for obedience- and I bring all my flaws to Him."

God wants my flaws. He wants to use them to show his greatness. I want him to use them for His glory... because honestly... they aren't doing me any good. So... by all means, I will let God use them for someone else's good... HIS.

Want to check out what others thought and learned from this chapter?? Click here.

Also... disclaimer... no time to proofread .... I am at work with no computer at home.

Seven Random Things...

2008-09-29T09:26:00.001-04:00

Okay ladies... if you don't already think that I am crazy enough, I have been tagged by Tracy at My Cup Runneth Over to tell you seven random things about me...

So here goes,

1. I am somewhat anal (should I have said that word here??) about certain things...

I don't like trash in my trash cans, especially the bathroom trash cans.
I can't stand to have dirty clothes in the dirty clothes baskets.
I can't stand to have cup rings on the glass-topped coffee table.
I can't stand to have anything on my kitchen counters.

Now, I know that those things would make you think that you should be able to walk into my house and it is always clean... but that is not the case. Just look in any corner, and you will find multiple cobwebs and dust bunnies.

2. I left a Sonic bag in my car overnight with the onions that I scraped off my burger in it... and I don't even have to tell you what my car smells like right now. I also don't need to tell you that I asked for my burger WITHOUT onions.

3. My husband loves to cook out. He is the official cook for all of our family get-togethers. He loves to cook BBQ ribs, shrimp, pork chops, roast, chicken, etc. If it can be cooked out on the grill... he cooks it. The crazy thing is that I don't ever eat it. I don't like it. If he cooks hot dogs, I will have one without the bun. I will eat the burgers... with a bun. Which leads to a different random thought...

4. If the hot dog is bought in a dive... I was going to say restaurant but that is not where you usually buy hot dogs... I want the bun and the fixings. But... if it is cooked on the grill, I just want the hot dog cut up with NO bun. (you asked for it....)

5. My little email man just announced that I have a new email. It is another comment on my last post about our book study. That makes 20 comments.... the most I have ever had. I had to get up a do a little jig. What is it about comments that make us so happy?? So... if you are reading this you need to be sure to leave a comment, but try to be nice. I know that I just exposed myself as totally crazy.

6. I hesitate to even tell this one... but if you have been to my blog enough, you know that we have a problem with kittens. I know that it can be easily taken care of... but if you have been to my blog enough... you know that spending money on the cat is not an option right now... With all that said.... Momma kitty just had 5 more kittens on Friday, the best part... is that she had them on my husband's sock shelf. That will teach him to close the closet door.

7. I really want to learn how to design blogs. Not so that I can make money... (that would be gravy) but because I want to change mine way too often. If I ever learn how... you will probably have to stop by at least once a week to see the "new" look.

8. I know that there were only suppose to be seven... but I just wanted to add that even with all of these crazy "things" about me.... One thing that is not crazy is that I love my Lord. He has been so good to me. I want to have all of Him on this side of eternity that I can possibly have. We are on a different level recently.... and I think that I really love it. I have become a little like Job ( I said a LITTLE like him)... no matter what happens, I will continue to love and serve Him. I also long to be real. To allow God to use what I have been through for His glory. ALL of it.

These are the people that I am tagging.... come on guys... it is fun.
The rules are to share seven random things about yourself, then tag seven friends. Be sure to visit their blogs and let them know they’ve been tagged.

Have fun... I am tagging...
Lelia at Write for the Heart
Regina at Grinder's Switch
Beverly at Momma's Blog Log
Pamela at PinkShoeLady
Kelley at Aroma of Joy
Susan at Runner Mom
Pamela at In His Graces

And to anyone else that wants to play along. Let me know if you post, I will want to come by and see if there is anyone crazier than me.

Yes to God Tuesday... on Thursday again

2008-09-25T08:34:00.005-04:00

This is part of a book study going on over on Lelia's blog. This is our first week... so if being REAL is something that interests you... or if you feel like God is calling you to stop pretending.... why not join us?? We are currently reading and studying Lisa Whittle's book called Behind Those Eyes, what's really going on inside the souls of women. This is a subject that is very dear to my heart. I want to not only be real before God, but to be real before others so that they can see God's power.

Chapter One The Truth Hurts

I can remember sitting with a group of women in a Bible study... they all seemed so perfect and put together. They invited me to go to a Women Of Faith conference with them. While we were there... I remember one girl in particular, she talked about her struggle with post partum depression... she even admitted that she had an abortion earlier in her life. I just stood there. I also struggled with post-partum depression... only... it never went away. I listened for a long time... waiting and watching for everyone else's reaction. I couldn't believe it when they responded in love. Later that same year... she stood up in front of our church on "Right to Life" Sunday and announced to the whole church that she had an abortion. She talked about the struggle that went on afterwards. She talked about her desire to use that horrible decision to help others keep from making the same choice. I was amazed. I had spent years thinking that Christians were suppose to be "perfect", or "better than that". And if you weren't... well... you needed to keep it to yourself so that no one would know. That way... you wouldn't have to worry about being rejected or judged. I mean after all.... we want to be liked and accepted.

Then, I can remember going to a women's conference with a new friend just about a year ago. Chonda Pierce gave her testimony about her recent struggle with depression. She was very candid. She made a joke about no one being able to pry her anti-depressants out of her hand. I just sat there. The next morning as my new friend and I sat waiting on the conference to start... one of us made a comment about what Chonda had said about her anti-depressants... it must have been her... because I remember saying... "I feel that same way." She just looked at me and asked me if I took anti-depressants... only to then confess that she did too . We laughed at the fact that at the hotel the night before, we both took our medicine in privacy. At that very moment.... things changed in my heart about being real. We both shared the same struggle... yet we had kept it to ourselves. We weren't using our struggle for God's glory. We went on to talk about hiding things from others. We both admitted that there was something in both of our lives that we would just die is someone else found out about. Shame... isn't that the enemies game??? After much beating around the bush... I confessed mine to her. She didn't even fall out of her chair. She didn't even get up and go sit somewhere else. She still let me ride home with her. After that day... our relationship changed. She knows exactly who I am and what I struggle with. And I know who she is and what she struggles with. We are real. Not fake. Being real has spilled over into most of my other relationships as well.

Lisa said,

"... we as women, often lead others to believe we are someone other than who we really are."

"We cover our weaknesses and heartaches with immaculately groomed clothes and manufactured conversations. We impersonate the females we want to be-- carefree, fun loving, deeply spiritual, genuinely caring, supportive, capable, strong, assertive, put together, and ridiculously happy- rather than the women we really are."

Wow!! How true is that??

Lisa offers a small reason why we may do this,

"We lack honesty and authenticity, and our past experiences lead us to believe it is in our best interest to keep our true feelings hidden"

Lisa says,

"Make no mistake about it: women are yearning for something real. We're hungry for truth and authenticity. We crave honesty."

... until we find it, we will have to be currently satisfied with looking perfect, appearing happy, portraying confidence, and sounding spiritual to make ourselves feel better and get more people to love us. Lisa actually used the word "she" instead of "us" and "we" in the above statement... but I think that we so perfectly fit into that sentence.

I think that if we are all hiding behind a "perfect" mask... all the time dying inside... we are not only hurting ourselves and the people around us... We are breaking God's heart too. He longs to display His power and love through us... the real world needs to see a REAL God make a difference in other real peoples lives.

I cannot wait to continue in this study... next week we will look at "Ms. Perfection". Anybody??

And... I just have to add, maybe I should go ahead and read the chapter on Ms. Perfection since I will be leaving to go for a teacher conference about my middle school aged daughter in just a few minutes. The enemy has taken every single opportunity to remind me of what a terrible parent I am... that is why my child is disrespectful. I guess it will be a little hard for me to go in and portray Ms. Perfection, huh??

AND

when she got out of the car today at school, I said, "just pretend like you like them." "you can pretend that you are trying out for a part in a play... being the "good" student." "Smile... do not let them know that you are angry about anything!!"

What??? Did I just give my daughter permission to be fake?? I guess I did.... I do believe that they are some times that you need to keep your real feelings to yourself. Like when the principal asks you what you think of him.... It is best not to answer, "I don't think I need to answer that right now". Arghhhh! Especially when you just told him that you do not like your new school... or your teachers.
What was the title of this chapter??? The Truth Hurts.... and it does.

The REAL thing works

2008-09-19T19:57:00.006-04:00

Guys, I am so excited... and I am going to try to peck this out so that you can make a little sense of what God has just done. I think that most of you (all 5 or so) know how important it is to me for people to be real, especially the church. I think that many Christians spend most of their time trying to pretend that their lives are perfect... so that no one will know the truth; and that is that we are all far from perfect... and all the while, others live completely defeated because they know they can never live up to the "perfect" that they see in others. Feeling like they need to pretend too... so that no one will "find them out" So everyone just plays the game. Make sense??

Anyway, I have been very real about the financial struggles that I am going through with my family. They are not really pretty... but they are what they are. I would hate to think that my family would go through this, and it be for anything other than God's glory.... so....

Several months ago, I had dinner with a friend that I had not seen in a long time. We spent time talking about what was going on in our lives... and in the lives of our families. Things seemed to be going great for her family. I began to tell her all about our financial stuggles and the hard times that we were going through. I was real. I was honest. I also spent time telling her what these times had done for my Christian walk. I was so excited about what God was doing. I knew that God was calling me into a deeper relationship with Him. I knew that no matter how bad things got, that I wanted to be exactly where God wanted me to be. Those are the times that we grow to love and trust Him more than ever before. I told her that I didn't want anyone's pity... that this is exactly where I wanted to be because this is where God wanted me to be. We talked about His plan. We talked about how perfect His plan is... even when it doesn't look like our plan. My friend told me that she was struggling in her Christian walk.... she hadn't been in the Word, she hadn't been spending time in prayer, she was still bitter about losing her mom.... and she wanted things to change. She knew that it wasn't that she didn't have time... she had plenty of time to read other material....

I encouraged her to stop reading the other books, to read her Bible for at least a few minutes every day. I told her that my favorite thing to do while in my prayer time is to journal... that maybe she should try it. We agreed to be in contact over the next couple weeks to see how things were going. I have to confess that I feel like I failed her on this... I didn't call her as often as I should have... but I did talk with her several times. We emailed back and forth, and I began to see a real change in her talk. I began to sense that she was back on the walk that she wanted to be on. I sensed a real difference in her attitude about life. I was overjoyed for her. I was so glad that she had been honest with me about what was going on. Wow, it really helps when we are real.

Today... I recieved another email from her. She wanted to let me know that her husband had just called her to say that he had been laid off. Her email was sprinkled with such hope, faith, and trust in the Lord. She asked for prayer. BUT not for him to get another job quickly... but that they would be open to God's plan and His guidance. Well... what do you know.... I quickly sat down and emailed her back. I talked from experience. I told her that she needed to take her concerns to the Lord and not to her burdened husband. To minister to him. Not to let him see her fear. He would take it hard enough... that how she handled this would make all the difference in the world to her hurting husband.

Do you see that???

In God's great wisdom... at the exact same time.....

He allowed her to struggle in her spiritual walk,

He prompted her to seek help from someone she hadn't seen in a long time,

He had allowed our finances to go down the drain,

He had pulled me into such a deeper relationship with Him,

He had filled my heart with such joy and peace over our situation,

He had given me a full heart so that it could overflow to her,

ALL THE TIME KNOWING....

That her husband would be laid off and that I could use my experience to minister to her.

What if we both had played the game... pretending to be "perfect"?? Wouldn't things have turned out different??

Real is where it's at!!

That is another reason that I am so pumped about doing the next book study hosted by Lelia at her blog, Write From the Heart. It is about being real. How about joining us??

God uses us when we are real. I know that I have said this before... God can't use a bunch of perfect pretenders to reach a dying world... he needs real people to see a REAL GOD redeeming a bunch of real people.

Yes to God Tuesday

2008-09-17T10:51:00.005-04:00

Well... once again my Yes to God Tuesday post is on Wednesday. This is the final chapter of the book study that we have been doing over on Lelia's blog. We have been going through Lysa Terkeurst's book, What Happens When Women Walk in Faith. This book has really been great. God has taught me so much as I have read this.... He seemed to have me right where He wanted me to be for each chapter. Imagine that.

Chapter 20 Every Promise Fulfilled

In this chapter, Lysa reminded us of God's imperfect people and His perfect plan. How God could take a nothing and through obedience make it into a something.

God promised a great nation would come through a childless man named Abraham.

God took what was meant for evil and turned it into good as He took Joseph from a life of betrayal and prison and made him the second most powerful man in the world.

God also took Moses and all of his excuses, and used him to lead His people to the Promised Land. He even SAW God.

Then, God used Joshua to lead His people into the Promised Land.

Her description of Joshua tells us...

"his determination and absolute obedience to God. He threw aside all his human reservations and followed hard after God."

Oh... to have absolute obedience to God. That is what I want. My spirit is willing... but my flesh is so weak.....

She then compares Moses' call and Joshua's call...

"Moses looked for reasons that he couldn't do what God called him to do.
Joshua must have known his calling had very little to do with his qualifications."

If I would just take that to heart. What God is calling me to do is dependent upon Him fulfilling it through my obedience to Him. Not on anything that I can muster up on my own.

She also said,

"Did Joshua's confidence come as a natural by-produce of his personality? I don't think so. If confidence came naturally to Joshua, I don't think God would have had to tell him to be strong and courageous over and over again. No, Joshua's confidence was steadfast because he was confident in God's promises."

The more I study God's Word and the more I know God... the more I realize that I have to depend on the trustworthiness of God and His promises. He is the promise keeper. He just asks me to be obedient and willing to do what He calls me to do. It sounds so easy.

Lysa then said,

"God gave the children of Israel victory and placed their fears under their feet. Joshua's obedient heart inspired his followers to become quick, obedient people."

It will be God that gives me victory... not me. And then to realize that my obedience or my lack of obedience will be what determines my followers' path. Oh my... I want my children to see me be obedient to God, to despite all odds that are stacked against me. I want them to realize that it is God that brings victory... lest they try it in their own strength all of their lives. That will bring such frustration and misery. I need to learn from Joshua. I have got to learn from Joshua.

I have to say again, this book has been right on the money. God has met with me on each page. I am grateful that Lysa was obedient to God and penned this book, so that we could learn through her experience of walking in Faith. If you are interested in what this last chapter or this whole book has meant to others, just click here.

We will be starting a new book study next week. I cannot wait. It is the book that is on my sidebar. Why don't you just grab a copy and come along?? Sign up here. There is nothing like studying with your sisters. We learn so much from God and from each other.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

2008-09-12T22:41:00.005-04:00

For someone that is not a cat person... this is my second post in a week about something I have learned from my cat. Maybe cats should rank higher on my list.

My cat never ceases to amaze me. I will start to walk out the backdoor, and there will be a dead mouse or a dead lizard waiting on me on the steps. I have seen this more times than I would like to tell you about... but it still catches me off guard everytime. Why in the world would she think that I would be impressed by that?? Yuck!! I have been told that she is proud of the job that she has done and wants me to see it. She is bringing her best offering to me.

One of my worst nightmares came true one day when she brought her offering inside to me. The main problem was that the lizard wasn't completely dead. My little one and I were the only ones home. We screamed like a bunch of girls... we stomped our feet, waved our arms, and tried to call my husband home to help... but finally we had to put on our brave girl panties and take care of it ourselves. Together we were able to sweep it up onto the dust pan and scream all the way to the door to throw it back outside. It took us about an hour to recover.

As I thought about this the other day, I realized that I often do the same thing to God. I take pride in something that I have done, and I drag it to God and want Him to be impressed. Oh, look... I spent two hours in my prayer time today, I continue to tithe to dispite our financial problems, I have a Bible study at my house, I serve in my church, I , I , I , I ....

Scripture tells me in Isaiah 64:6...
"...all our righteous acts are like filthy rags..."

I wonder if it looks or smells like a dead mouse to the eyes and nose of God when I drag my accomplishments or acts to him in pride??

Micah 6:8 tells me what God desires from me...
"He has shown you O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you?? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

I want to be beautiful in God's eyes. If He finds me beautiful... it will be because I am acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with Him... not because I am dragging my filthy rags to His doorstep trying to impress Him.

Thanks again, Miss Kitty.

Ughh!! How could that have happened??

2008-09-11T13:56:00.002-04:00

This is something that only my bloggy friends will understand... all of my bookmarked pages have disappeared. With my internet program... that is the same as my favorites. You know what that means??? There are probably some blogs that I love that I will never find again. UGHH!! How in the world can that happen?? One day they are there... and the next day I log on and "bookmarks" reads: EMPTY. I am so "under-educated" on the computer that I don't know if there is anyway to fix this?? If anyone out there know... please send me a message.

Also... If I read your blog, please comment on this post so that I can re-bookmark your blog. I can't believe this....... I have to go cry now...

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Yes to God Tuesday

2008-09-08T23:40:00.005-04:00

We are just about to finish our book study on Lelia's blog. We have been reading and discussing Lysa Terkeurst's book What Happens When Women Walk in Faith. If you haven't read this book... you are missing a huge blessing. God has met me on the pages of every single chapter. He has taught me so much through this book.

Chapter Eighteen A Promise Made is a Promise Kept

This chapter is about Sergei, a little boy living in an orphanage in Belarus. After Lysa saw pictures of the conditions that he faced on a daily basis... she began to pray for God to show her how she could help him. God began to stir her heart. Sergei came to stay with her family for 5 weeks at Christmas. When the time came for him to return to Belarus, they discussed the possibility of adopting him into their family... and he said that he would love to be a part of their family. So... they began the adoption process. Things didn't go like they had planned. Things were taking soooo long... They weren't able to have a lot of contact with him. She describes a phone conversation that she had with Sergei. She wanted so desperately to explain to him that they were not the hold-up with the adoption... it was all the red tape involved. She asked for an interpreter, but there was not one available. She remembers the lady telling her,

" There will be no interpreter as nobody knows English at Ryasno. But you will tell him that you love him, and that he will understand."

Wow! How true is that?? Love... the universal language. Lysa said...

"When I grieve over the bummer things in life and cry out to God, I can imagine God instructing the Holy Spirit to say something similar to me. "There is no way to interpret this event in a way she can comprehend, but tell that I love her, and that she will understand"."

That is so precious to me right now. That word picture brings me to tears. I so do not know what He is up to... I cannot comprehend the overall plan right now...but the one thing that I do understand is that NO matter what.... My Father loves me. I feel His love. I can smell His love. I can taste His love. I know it is there. His love is something that I can understand... whether I understand the situation or not.

Lysa then said,

"Even though the best answer seems to me to be having Sergei with us, truly the best place for him is where he can come to know God."

I am not where I would want to be... but I am exactly where I need to be so that I can come to know God more and more. I have come to almost like this place. A place where knowing God and His love is more important than anything else.

Chapter Nineteen God Brings Dreams to Life

To despite the quick living that we do these days... Lysa tells us...

"No shortcut or quick fix will help me become the woman God wants me to become."

Well... don't you just hate that. I love to take a shortcut. I love to find a quick fix to a problem. But I can't in this area. The process of getting to the end is the important part. It is the time that we learn to love and trust God like no other. My end... is to be the woman that God wants me to be. And... in this season of my life, I have decided that whatever path I have to travel to get there is the path that I will choose to take. Even the difficult path I am on now. I haven't really enjoyed it... but I am enjoying the benefits of knowing God and trusting God more. For that... it is worth the trouble.

This book has been wonderful for this season in my life. Just what I needed. If you want to find out what others found meaningful in these chapters, click here.

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Lessons from a cat

2008-09-05T20:33:00.003-04:00

Let me say up front that I have never really been a "cat person"... I usually prefer dogs. But several years ago, my mother-in-law's cat had kittens, and I fell in love with this sweet little gray kitten. I actually begged my husband to let me bring her home with me. She is the sweetest cat I have ever been around. Most cats I know prefer to be by themselves... they hide when there is company around... and they are not seen often. BUT this sweetie loves to be around people. She talks to us when her bowl is empty. She tries to reach up and open the door when she wants out... now, of course she hasn't ever gotten it open... but we see her and hear her begging to go out so we usually help her get the door open.

The only bad part about her is that she is the mother to all of these other kittens that are now "ours". I know... I know... we need to just have her fixed... but right now, spending money on an animal is not is the budget. Anyway... something about her is different these days.

If another cat or kitten even comes in the same room with her, she stands up tall and starts hissing at them. She spats and spats until they just turn around and leave. And if they are coming to eat out of the bowl that she is eating out of, she really has a fit... she chases them spatting. She just seems so mean and moody these days!!

I keep fussing at her saying, "What is wrong with you???" "Why are you spatting at everyone???" "They have't done a thing to you!"

After several days of seeing this... I started thinking to myself, "how many times am I like that?". My sweet husband comes in the room, and I start spatting at him. My children come to me for something and instead of being kind... I start fussing at them. How about the driver of the slow car in front of me? I start spatting at them in my head just because they aren't on my same schedule. Over and over... I can see that I do that same thing. Why would I react to them that way?? I don't really have the answer to that question. Could it be little things that have rubbed me the wrong way?... could it be frustration with something else?... could it be stress over another area of my life?.... could those things be the problem?? I don't know.

The one thing that I do know... is that it looks awfully ugly to someone just standing on the sideline. AND I mean ugly. It looks ridiculous too. She just has a fit all by herself. No one else has a problem but her. Yikes! I don't want to look that way! I don't want to spew and spat at the ones I love. I don't want others to look at me and say, "what is wrong with you??" "why are you spatting at everyone?" "they haven't done a thing to you!". Hmmm....I know that I need to take a lesson from this moody cat. I need to watch the way that I react to the ones that walk into my day.... thanks Miss Kitty... a lesson learned.

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This is my BEST day...

2008-09-02T08:38:00.003-04:00

This is my BEST day!! I went to Starbucks on my way home from work this morning... and they gave me a Pumpkin Spice Latta ONE day early. They are scheduled to go on sale tomorrow. Can you believe that?? I left there smiling like there will be no tomorrow.

Now honestly, I guess this day pales in comparison to the day that I gave my life to Jesus Christ (Feb 8, 1990), and the day that I got married (May 15, 1987), and the birth of my children (July 2, 1990, August 26, 1994, and November 2, 2000)... but I will tell you that it ranks on up there in the top 20 at least!! I called my husband, my daughters, and my mother... just to tell them about this BEST day!!

I will be back sometime today or tomorrow with my post for Yes to God Tuesday. Because for now... I must go to bed. And yes, I plan and will go straight to sleep even after my Venti Pumpkin Spice Latta.

Have a great day!!

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An early morning conversation

2008-08-31T06:59:00.003-04:00

For some of you this will make total sense... for others it may not. If you were a part of the Living Proof simulcast you may remember that Beth used this verse,

Isaiah 50:4-5
The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue to know the Word and sustain the weary.
He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught,
The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.

She explained that she thinks about that verse as saying... I have not drawn back the covers and gone back to sleep when you wake me up to spend time with you. She gave a word picture of God looking down at us saying, "get up, don't stay in bed, get up, I want to spend time with you".

Well... this morning I looked over at the alarm clock and it said 5:29 am. I had told my husband last night to, " set it for 6am... although I should probably should get up at 5:30am". As I turned over to go back to sleep for that last 30 minutes... that verse popped into my head. So our conversation went a little like this...

God: "Don't turn back the covers, I want you to get up".

Me: "Lord, you know how tired I am." "I didn't sleep much yesterday morning when I got home from work." "You know that rest is important." "I will spend time with you when I get up at 6am." Thinking... I am sure that will be okay with God.

I closed my eyes and started to drift back off to sleep... only to hear in my heart,

God: "Who gives you rest?" "I do, now get up!"

Me: hearing my own words in my head, "I want to be God's YES girl"

So I ripped back the covers and got up. When my husband moved just enough for me to realize that he was awake... I said,

"You can turn off the alarm clock, I am getting up."

To only hear him say,

"WHY??"

Me: "Because God woke me up."

Husband: grunt... sigh...

So... then as I left the bedroom and closed the door... I thought about what I had been studying last night before I went to bed. It comes from Beth Moore's study Living Beyond Yourself... If you live a crucified life for Christ... few will understand. I just laughed and thought... well, ain't that the truth.

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8 days down... 172 days to go

2008-08-30T15:26:00.004-04:00

Well... I made it through the first full week of school. I know that it was actually my girls that really went to school, but it was ME that stayed home alone. I realized that I have never been home alone. When my son went to kindergarten on Monday, my first daughter was born on Thursday. When that daughter went off to school, my youngest daughter was born within 2 months. So... I have almost always had children at home with me.

As most of you know... I would prefer to have my children at home schooling with me. At my oldest daughter's request, I agreed to pray about allowing her to go to "regular" school. I felt quite confident that God would reassure me that we were doing exactly what He wanted. BUT, God clearly impressed upon my heart that this chapter of my life was closing... and a new chapter was coming. Not only did my oldest daughter go to school... my youngest did as well. So, my "new normal" life has begun.

I have gotten many things done that have been waiting for too long... like scrubbing the bathroom floors on my hands and knees with a sponge, cleaning out closets, and stuff like that. I almost have things finished... only one more closet to go.

The thing that I am looking forward to the most is being able to spend as much time with my Lord as I want to. In the past... I would get up early and start my quiet time, but when the children got up... I would get interrupted over and over. Now the only thing that interrupts me is the dryer buzzer, and I can ignore it or run turn it on for a little longer.

I am eagerly waiting for whatever the Lord has for me in this chapter of my life. I am reading Lysa Terkeurst's book, What Happens When Women Say YES to God, and more than anything in the world... I want to be God's "yes" girl. I want to have such a track record with God that He knows that He can ask something of me and my answer will be "Yes".

I got to thinking about this verse,

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord"

There is no doubt that God has a plan for this chapter of my life. I will just continue to seek Him with my whole heart... knowing that I will find Him. He promises. And, He always keeps His Word.

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Happy Birthday to my Jenna

2008-08-26T14:16:00.005-04:00

Today is my Jenna's birthday. She is 14 years old!! Where has the time gone?? I can remember the day that she was born. It was very early in the morning when we left for the hospital. We had to drop her brother off at Brad's parents on the way. She made her grand entrance like a pro surfer... after only three little tiny pushes. Come to think of it... nothing has really been that simple since. I should have recognized it as a sign. She was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen. She was so little... her head was so little... we called her "peahead". I know that there are times that she thinks that I don't love her, (please tell me that other teens think that to despite all the things that you do to show it) I know that there are times that she doesn't agree with our rules and our disciples... but I assure her often that it is BECAUSE we love her that we do the things that we do.

Happy Birthday Jenna!! I love you so much!! I am so proud to be your momma!!

** Two posts for Tuesday... that is certainly a record for me.**

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Yes to God ON TUESDAY...

2008-08-26T01:36:00.003-04:00

I know that pride is a sin... but I must tell you that after several weeks of posting my "Yes to God Tuesdays" post on Thursday or Friday... I am almost proud of myself. Please just forgive me for boasting...

This is part of a book study that we are doing on Lelia's blog. We are reading Lysa Terkeurst's book What Happens When Women Walk in Faith. Again... I have to tell you that this book is awesome. I have gotten so much out of it.

Chapter Fourteen Pressing Through the Pain

In this chapter, Lysa tells us about the death of her precious neighbor and her husband's pressing through the pain. She outlined the "pressing through" process.

"I knew Ken had been crying out to the Lord to fill in the gaps Mary left.... Ken prayed expectantly. He expected God to answer and therefore was able to recognize the answer when it came."

I loved her statement...

But my greatest secret desire must always be for more of God in my life.

Now, this is my greatest desire right now. I want God more than I want anything else in my life. It is only Him that can satisfy all of my needs without getting weary of my need. I keep telling God that I want to be His "yes girl". I want so much to be obedient to Him that He knows that He can count on me. That He can ask me something and know that I will always answer "yes" to Him. I have long way to go... but it is the desire of my heart.

Then, I was thrilled at her statement...

If your desire is for more of Him, you can rest assured that He is working to show you something wonderful right now.

I am watching and waiting.

Chapter Fifteen God Isn't Surprised by Death

While talking about the seed, Lysa says this...

" What would have happened had the seed resisted God and retained its original shape?? It would have avoided the trauma of change, but think of all it would have missed out on. It would never have known God's best."

How many times have I resisted God... and stayed the way that I am... and missed out on what He had for me?? I hate to think!

These were powerful statements...

God is good. He is way more interested in developing our characters to match our calling than in manipulating our circumstances to make us happy.

Happy is so temporary... I would rather have character any day. But golly... it is hard to go through the process.

At times like this, I have to live my life based on the truth of who God says He is and not my feelings.

Truth is truth. God is good. God's good is never dependent on the circumstances around me. He will never be anything but good. No matter what my feelings say. I am so comforted in this. It allows me to rest in whatever happens, knowing that God's goodness is fact. If the outcome of my circumstances could not prove His goodness... He would not have allowed it. Period. What a stress reliever.

Brokenness is what must happen before God can put the pieces back together in the way that He can shine through the best.

I have suffered some heartache and brokenness in my life... but God has always brought me through it... better on the other side. Better in Him. I am counting on that fact for my current sufferings. He has never failed in this. I don't expect that He will start now.

I just want God. I want as much of Him here on this side of eternity that I can possibly have. I want Him.

If you want to see how these two chapters have touched others doing this book study click here.

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Yes to God... on whatever day it is

2008-08-22T10:26:00.005-04:00

I cannot believe that it has been a week since I have posted. I think that all 5 or so of you that read this blog regularly must think that I have fallen off the face of the earth... but that is not true. This week has been quite an adjustment for me and my family.

Wednesday both my girls started to public school. I think that most of you know that we have homeschooled for the last 6 06 7 years. Wow!! This has been different.

I know that you think that without them in the house that I should have plenty of time to blog and read blogs... but I wouldn't allow myself to even log onto the computer until all of my chores were done. I know myself too well... once I start... I don't move until someone makes me move. I still haven't finished my chores... but I decided to take a little break to explain what is going on, and to write about the chapters in our book study; What Happens When Women Walk in Faith.

This book is awesome. If you haven't read it you need to run out to the store and get it right away.

Chapter Twelve Learning to Lead

At first I wasn't even sure that this chapter would apply to me since it is not my lifelong goal to be a leader... but with one simple comment Lysa put that theory to rest.

God is calling you to live out His dream for you, and part of the dream is to lead. As we seek to believe God like never before, We WILL set an example for others to follow.

That makes us leaders... like it or not... there are always people watching me... watching you... seeing if what we talk about it real. That alone makes us their leader. That is a big responsibility.

The next comment that really spoke truth to me is...

When you experience God working through you despite your human shortcomings, your confidence in Him and His abilities will grow more than ever before.

I can tell you that when I started having a little Bible study in my home on Tuesday nights that I knew that I was totally under qualified. From the moment that I invited the people that I wanted to come... to this very day... God has shown me that this is not about what I want... This is HIS plan. Not one person that I had hoped would be a part of this study comes to this study... BUT everyone that God wanted to be a part of this study group is here. IT is ALL about His plan. I have seen God work in these ladies lives like nothing I have ever seen before. I am awed every single week as He allows me to be a witness to His work. Even weeks that I am not prepared myself for class... God shows up and does His thing. My confidence in Him and His ability have grown unbelievably.

God has been speaking to me for a while about this next thing...

That reaction is the real litmus test revealing the condition of my heart.

Lysa is referring to the way that we react to stressful situations. It is easy to be obedient and godly when things are going easy... it is when the stress is turned up a notch that the real condition of my heart is revealed. YUCK!! I really hate that. Way too often my reaction doesn't show the part of me that I would like others to see... but it is showing the condition of my heart. I don't want to just act right on the outside... I want God to see right on the inside as well. It is never going to be enough for me to do right... I want to BE right with God.

Lysa really stirred up my heart with this...

Moses desired God's presence more that he desired to enter the promised land. In Exodus 33:18-23, Moses' secret desire to see God comes to pass. Though he only got to see His back, he saw God nonetheless. Once he saw God, everything else paled in comparison. Maybe this is why being excluded from the promised land didn't appear to rattle him.

Well... doesn't that just say it all. God's presence is far better than anything that looks good to the world. I would just as soon stay where I am and know God's awesome presence than to be rich in the world's eyes. I do pray that things ease up with our finances... but if I have to make the choice of seeing and knowing God like things are, or for things to get lots better and lose that... well... I am choosing God.

Okay... and how come I never realized that God did allow Moses to come into the land of promise?? At the transfiguration... He was standing in the promised land with Jesus himself. What?? How come I never saw that??? Thanks so much Lysa.

Lysa then pointed out...

The only thing Moses lacked from his Egyptian upbringing was a close walk with God. Moses' 40 years in the desert gave God ample time to remedy that situation.

Many times I feel like I have been taken out back of the woodshed by God to remedy a situation that I find myself in. His sole purpose is to help me walk closer to Him. It is all worth the beating or the detour that God uses to bring us closer to Him.

Chapter Thirteen Death Does Not Mean Defeat

Lysa tells us of a time that she felt like her world was coming to an end... only to realize that it was God's plan for something better.

The very things that feel like death are really a birth of something so much better.

What an awesome statement. I need to write that on an index card as soon as I finish this post. I need to remind myself of that every time I think things aren't going like I want them to. God's way may not be the shortest... but it is the ordained route. I love that.

I have truly loved this study. I really hate that I can't seem to get my post ready by Tuesday... but I will tell you that the truths of this book stay with me all week long. Check out the other ladies comments by clicking here.

I hope that there aren't too many typos or errors... I have got to get up and do the rest of my chores. Sorry....

With lots of love,

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Yes to God Tuesday... on Friday this time

2008-08-15T05:12:00.006-04:00

This post is part of a book study that is going on at Lelia's blog. We are reading and discussing What Happens When Women Walk in Faith by Lysa Terkeurst. Awesome book!! This week we read chapters ten and eleven.

Chapter Ten Roadblocks and Reassurances

This chapter's timing was unbelievable. I was sitting... waiting... on an uncomfortable situation to take place between a neighbor and myself. I was so desperate to allow God to work in me to lessen the tension between us.... and I am not even sure how the tension got there. I have started this post several times... but I want to make sure that if my neighbor were to find this post that she would not be offended. Anyway... back to my story. I actually called my husband and my mom to asked for prayer as I drove to the place where we would end up being together. As I sat there waiting... praying.... begging God to help me to honor Him and to bring Him glory, I picked up my book to read. I had already read the first several pages of this chapter, but I decided to go back and refresh my memory with what I had already read. There IT was on page 97... the first sentence that I had underlined...

What enemy do you need to love at this moment? Maybe it's a neighbor, a prodigal child, an angry spouse, or an unforgiving friend.

Well... immediately I felt God's presence and His assurance that I would be able to honor Him in this situation. Things went great.

These next few statements really spoke to me as well...

We grow by embracing God's plans for the circumstances and allowing Him to have His full way in us.

Surrender what He is requiring from you.

This hard place you are in is not a distraction. You are not being sidetracked. This is His way.

He carried us into this hard place, this exile of sorts, and He will carry us back out.

It is such a comfort to know that the circumstances that I am facing... with my nieghbor, with my family, with everything in my life... God is there with me. Not only is He there.... He is carrying out His plan for my life. I find it easier to embrace the hard times when I know that He is growing me for His glory. I don't like all of the circumstances... but I know that they are actually FOR me.
What I often see as roadblocks are actually building blocks to make me more like His Son.

Chapter eleven God Will Make a Way

This next statement from Lysa is my new life motto... I know that it is easier said than done... but I WANT this.

Our feelings do not have to dictate our choices.

Her word picture that popped into her head as their case was dismissed in court brought me to tears...

One day Jesus will stand between us and our sin, and because of His blood shed on the cross we will hear, "Case dismissed!!". What a glorious day that will be.

This book has been an awesome study. If you are interested in what others learned from these chapters... click here

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Real Life....

2008-08-14T09:59:00.006-04:00

Please know that my lack of posting about my Yes to God Tuesday chapters is in no way an indication of how much God is using this book in my life. This book has been right on target for each day that I have read.... My usual life has been interrupted by preparations for my girls to go to school next week. Man... I didn't realize how easy we have had it for the last 6 or 7 years when we got to stay home and skip the "back to school" stuff. This is enough to send me back to bed for the week... and the homework and drama hasn't even started yet.

I will hopefully be able to post my chapter discussion sometime today... or at least while I am at work tonight... check back... it will eventually make it here.

In the meantime... I will be out fighting over the last pair of 3/4 khaki uniform pants that I can find in the stores. Please pray.... Who would have thought that every pair of 3/4 pants in Rock Hill, SC would be sold out. AND... I can promise you that it is not because I have bought them for myself!!!

***update*** I found the last pair of 3/4 pants in Rock Hill.... only to find that they fell off of her!! So... now to find a smaller size. (I didn't even know that they made smaller sizes than 3/4)

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It is well with my soul....

2008-08-09T15:54:00.006-04:00

For the sake of being real... I often will mention the problems that we go through in my family. The problems are real, and so am I. I think this is the way that God wants us to be. God desires to use us... how can He use us to point a dying world to Him if we pretend to be perfect??? So... with that said, I wanted to add this...

Early on, when my husband lost lots and lots of income... God so graciously led me to this scripture,

Philippians 1:18b-20
"Yes, I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

I knew as soon as I read this... that what was happening in our family was for OUR deliverance. This was "FOR" us and not "TO" us. There are many things that we needed to be delivered from.... some being..... pride, materialism, self reliance, sporadic prayer lives, dependence on self, and many others. So... I need to just say... this is all well with my soul.

Do I like it?? "NO!"

Would I love for it to be over? "YES!"

Do I love God enough to go through this with Him? "ABSOLUTELY YES"

Will I continue to love Him and serve Him if things never change? "You better believe it!!"

God has shown Himself faithful to me over and over. Is it always in a financial way??? No.

BUT... I will take God's faithfulness... to meet me every morning in "our spot", or to show Himself to me through His Word, or to remind me of His love in a song, or to fill my spirit with a desire to know Him better and love Him more... OVER a financial miracle ANYTIME!!!

By the worlds standards... we are a disaster. By God's standards... we are right where He wants us to be. This is plan A. There is no plan B. This can and will be used for God's glory. I will not allow the enemy to convince me that God doesn't care about us or love us... actually it has convinced me of the opposite,

God cares so much about us, that He will not allow us to continue on the path that we were on... He wants to change us. He wants to change us into the likeness of His precious Son.

I can accept that. I can accept all of this hardship knowing that God wants us to go through this for His glory.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us,

"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

So... I can thank God for the circumstances that we find ourselves in right now. He is showing me things about Himself that I may not have ever known without this. So... I covet your prayers... for us to be close to God... and to hear His voice when He teaches us... not for this to just go away. I want to be where God wants us to be. This will be over when He chooses to allow it to be over. Or, if it never changes... I will still love Him and serve Him. BUT... I want us to be different on the other side of this. I want God to deliver us from the things that He sees in us that cannot be used by Him.

This is really well with my soul.

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Yes to God Tuesday... on Wednesday again

2008-08-06T10:48:00.004-04:00

This is part of a book study that we are doing over on Lelia's blog. We are reading Lysa Terkeurst's book What Happens when Women Walk in Faith. Each week we read two chapters and discuss what really spoke to us. This week we are finishing up the Famine Phase and beginning the Believing Phase. This is a great book... an easy read. It is not too late to join in with us if you would like.

Chapter 8 Refusing to Get Bogged Down in Bitterness

Lysa started off the chapter by reminding us that the Famine phase is a season of learning to depend on God. She then pointed out:

"As a result, things will be stripped from you that hinder the relationship He wants to have with you. You may experience a shake-up in your finances, your friendships, your position of leadership, your expectations, or one of a thousand other things that we put our trust in. God wants our complete trust. So whenever He strips something away, He does it for our good and not to harm us."

Well... we seem to be in a shake-up stage at our house. But... I will have to say that God chose just the right things to shake-up to get my attention. I have been forced to trust Him completely... not our finances (an understatement), not my husband, not my friends, not my family, only HIM. He is the only one that I can take my heartaches to. He knows my situation... and offers no condemnation.

Not being bitter is a choice... a conscious choice not something that comes naturally. Lysa talks about Joseph in Egypt and says,

"He chose not to. (be bitter) He made the conscious choice to honor God with his actions and his attitudes, and God honored him. Notice that God didn't immediately pluck him from the situation but rather honored him in the situation. How many times do we ask God to take away an unpleasant circumstance, and He doesn't?? Seek to honor him and then remember to look for the ways He's honoring you, not by removing you but by sending blessings to you in that place."

Honoring God is a choice that has to be made. He will not force us to make it... but will honor us when we make it.

Lysa also reminds us,

"People want to see if your claims about God's faithfulness hold true even when life gets hard."

"They (her Liberian sons) didn't get stuck in the bitterness that surely came knocking at the doors of their hearts."

You can bet that bitterness will come knocking at our hearts door any time there is a shake-up. If we focus on "Me" and not on God... we will most likely open the door when bitterness knocks.

Chapter 9 A Most Unlikely Path

Many times, the things that I plan.... well, they just don't come to pass. They might have been good plans... plans to do "something" for God... plans for my family... plans for a certain amount of money I have stashed away... but something goes wrong... or at least according to MY plans. Lysa reminds us,

"God knows the best routes for us. He sees dangers and temptations that we don't see along the way. Sometimes we get frustrated with God when He takes us through places we hadn't planned on going. His route sometimes appears to be out of the way, inconvenient, tiresome, and confusing."

I love the part where Lysa tells us,

"Feelings will follow correct behaviors, not the other way around. Make right choices to honor God, and your feelings will eventually catch up."

I really needed to hear this again... I need to make it a habit. I have done this in the past about my children going to public school... but right now... doing the right thing and honoring God are hiding behind my "not so happy" feelings. I know what the right thing is... I am just not following through with my actions. I need to just do the right thing... and my feelings will catch up later.

Okay... I know that this post has been long, but I couldn't pass up this next quote,

"Have you ever dared to ask this? Have you ever dared to say to God, Lord, whatever Your will for my life is, that is what I want? Believing God is not for the weak at heart. It's only for those who want to discover the rich blessings of walking close enough to God to hear the constant drumming of His heartbeat."

That speaks for itself. I want to be walking so close to God that I can hear the constant drumming of His heart. I want to hear that on a daily basis... not just once in a while.

There are many other things that I would like to list... but this has been pretty long. I also want to tell you about the Beth Moore simulcast... but I will have to do that later.

If you want to see what spoke to others doing this study... just click here.

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Poundy and Thumpy...

2008-07-31T17:23:00.004-04:00

In the words of Junie B. Jones... my heart is poundy and thumpy. First... if you don't know who Junie B. Jones is, then you probably don't have a daughter in the 1st through 5th grade, or if you do know who she is... but didn't realize that those were her words, then that means that you probably are a little pickier than I am about what your child reads. Don't gasp... She really is hilarious!!! We talk about what a smarty-pants she is... but we still laugh til our bellies are sore.

But anyway, my heart it poundy and thumpy. My sweet little Bible study group is leaving tomorrow around lunchtime to go to Boone, NC for the Beth Moore Simulcast. I cannot wait. I have been to several of her Living Proof events... but no one else in my group has ever been. For that matter... no one else in my group had ever done a Beth Moore study before coming to this little group. So... how awesome is this??? We are going to have the best time.

I have been praying that God will prepare each of our hearts for exactly what He is going to bring us through her. Of course I have been praying for her as she prepares too.

So... please pray for us while we are gone. AND... try not to be too jealous. If we could have... we would have taken you too.

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Yes to God Tuesday... on wednesday

2008-07-30T14:17:00.009-04:00

It is Yes to God Tuesday again... this is part of a book study that we are doing over on Lelia's blog. We are reading Lysa Terkeurst's book What Happens When Women Walk in Faith. We are up to chapters six and seven. This book is great... you still have time to join in if you would like.

Chapter 6 God's Extraordinary Invitation

God has invited each of His children to take part in an awesome adventure with Him. For Lysa, among many other adventures, she told us of God's invitation to adopt two boys that were singing in a boy's choir at a church. Now, these boys were from a Liberian orphanage. She had no idea that God would take her on such an adventure... she just took her girls to hear them sing. That is when God dropped the bomb so to speak. He told her that two of the boys singing in front of the church were hers. She told us of her struggles with trying to work things out in her own mind and in her own way, and then the way that God worked it out for His glory. Awesome story.

The one thing that really spoke to me in this story is that while she poured her heart out to a friend, and unloaded all of her doubts and questions... she asked this question,

"Why Me?"

And her friend's answer was simply,

" Because God knew you'd say yes, Lysa."

Whoa!!! Does God know that I will answer "yes" to anything that He asks of me?? No, I don't think that I have that kind of track record with God. I would love to have it... but I don't at this minute. It would take years for me to establish that kind of record with God. There are many things that I have said "yes" to... but I long for that to be my answer each and every time God gives me an invitation to join him in His extraordinary plan.

On to Chapter 7 God is With You

It is during our struggles that we need to realize that it is not up to us to figure things out. God desires to be the "fixer". Lysa told us that even though she knew that the purpose of this phase was to learn to lean on God like never before... it was still hard. I needed to hear that. In the struggle that my family is facing right now... I know that God wants us to learn to lean on Him like never before... BUT IT IS STILL HARD. We need to simply wait on God.

Some other statements that really spoke volumes to me were:

"I am amazed that God so freely gives His help when I ask for it."

Why do I forget to ask for His help sometimes?? He gives freely...

"Though God could have instantaneously moved it, (Mark's mountain of rocks) He chose another way. He gave Mark the strength to move it one rock at a time."

I know that God could instantaneously remove our financial problems for us. He could send Brad more work than he could handle. He could send us a great inheritance from a long lost relative that we don't even know about... but instead He has chosen another way. God is giving us the strength to live through this one day at a time.

" sometimes the greater act of faith is not praying for the mountain to move instantaneously but rather hanging in there while God helps you to move it bit by bit".

I am so thankful that God is with us during our struggles. I am so thankful that His plan is best... and it will be for our best.

"Just fulfill the small part of the mission He's asking you to do today. Just carry that one rock. Ask God, What is my assignment for today? Do that part and be satisfied that God is pleased. Be encouraged and continue to press on."

I will continue to press on. God's plan is best. I know that. God is doing something great... I want to be a part of it. No matter what my little part may be... I want to say "yes".

Click here if you want to know how these chapters spoke to the other ladies that are doing this study. Have a great day... and listen for God's invitation. Step out and say "yes".

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Yeah for Me....

2008-07-28T22:44:00.002-04:00

I won!!! I won the giveaway over at Lelia's blog. She offered this awesome mug that reads:

"Just because I'm a family raising, meal cooking, homemaking wonder it doesn't mean I'm a desperate housewife" Domestic Diva

It can't wait for it to arrive.

I actually consider it a privilege to call her a friend. She is a really real, transparent, and honest woman. And... anyone that knows me can tell you how much I love "real". Thanks so much Lelia!! Check out her blog right here... you will be blessed.

She is also hosting a great book study on her blog. You can check out this weeks' chapters on Tuesdays. Or... better yet, you can pick up the book and join us.

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Yes to God Tuesdays....

2008-07-22T07:42:00.007-04:00

This is part of a book study that we are doing at Lelia's blog. We are reading and studying Lysa Terkeurst's book What Happens when Women Walk in Faith. It is never too late to join us. It would take no time for you to catch up... this book is an easy read.

Chapter 4 Loving God more than my dream

Just the title of the chapter was enough for me. If I didn't take anything else from those seven pages... I heard from God as I read the title, Loving God more than my dream. My family is going through a very difficult time financially... really bad, and it is causing us to literally give up many things that I don't want to give up. One of those being our camper. We love going to the beach and staying in the camper. It is the most relaxing time I have ever known with my family. No cares, No schedules, No anything... but just being together and having fun. It has been breaking my heart to think about giving it up... but then, I read the title. Do I love God more than my dream?? Now... I know that my camper is not really my "DREAM", but it is "dream" for the summer and my family. It is part of my agenda. It is part of my plans.

Lysa said many things in this chapter that spoke directly to my heart...

"Walking with God will always take you to amazing places, but it won't always be where you thought you wanted to go, and the road won't always be easy."

"Don't second guess what God is doing. Rather look for ways to dig deeper into His Word, His character, and His faithfulness in this time. Growing deep roots isn't easy."

"Remember, this journey will be a lot less about the places He will eventually take you and much more about the relationship He establishes with you along the way."

"like a self centered two-year old, we scream, "Mine, Mine, Mine"... but God can never let that be the cry of our hearts."

So... I have heard God. His plan is much better than mine. I cannot see how this will bring Him glory... but I know that He can. He is much wiser than I am. Thankfully....

On to chapter 5 The Famine

Lysa continued to speak God's soothing Words over my heart. Several of those things were...

"feeling the pain of surrender"... (I am feeling the pain, but I am surrendered to His plan.)

"knowing that God has a good plan even in the discomfort"

"Faith is learned through life"

"How vitally important it is for us to surrender our hearts to God and ask Him daily to reveal His plans and perspectives to us... so that we don't miss His activity and His glorious plans for our future."

During the personal study time Lysa had us go through Psalm 15, and Psalm 24:3-6
These Psalms told us of characteristics that God looks for in His people... and then we had to reflect on which ones we would like to work on during this study. I need some work, ladies.

In 1 Samuel 16:7, we read that God looks at the heart... not the outside like we do. Then we were asked to reflect on some of our "heart issues" that we need to ask God to help us with... and my list was quite lengthy. I have read this verse many times... even quoted it a few times... but I have never stopped to really think about all the "issues" that God sees when He looks at my heart. I was moved to tears. Pain, hurt, shame, anger, bitterness, embarrassment, favoritism, wrong motives, pride, and the list kept going. I long to have a pure heart before God. I can hide these things from some of you... but I cannot hide them from God.

I think that most of the ladies going through this book right now have "big dreams" of writing books, articles, and such.... but right now... my dream is to get through life with a pure heart and deep roots. I want God to use me. I cannot imagine what His plan could possibly be... but I want to get there.

I thank you ladies for allowing me to go through this with you. God is using this to personally speak to me right where I am... right now.

As I have mentioned before... my children will be going to school this year. We have homeschooled for some time now. I will have lots of time on my hands. I know that God has something for me to do, I just don't know what it is right now. I pray that I will allow Him to use me in whatever it is. As we move through this book... I find that my heart grows softer and softer to His.

If you are interested in how these chapters spoke to the other ladies... just click here.

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Choosing Thankfulness...

2008-07-16T11:04:00.002-04:00

Okay... this post is out of left field.

And... I haven't even posted my "Yes to God" chapter post yet.... but I just had to cut the shower off and come back downstairs to say this....

I love a quiet house. I love to get up before everyone else in my family. It allows me time to spend time with my Lord... and do a little housekeeping without distractions. So... almost everyday I get out of bed first. Anyway... everyday when I go back upstairs to shower, I find the same thing.

My sweet husband has pulled up and straightened up the covers on the bed... AND turned it back down a little before putting the pillows on top. My mind always wants to get my feathers ruffled a little bit. I hear this in my head, "what is the point ????... leave the covers straight and put on the pillows and the bed will be made". But then I hear in my heart, "Lynn, be thankful that he did that much". I almost always find myself laughing at the situation. Then, I thank God for reminding me to be thankful... and I finish making up the bed. Being thankful is a choice. We can make it... or not.

I can promise you that I never go into my 18 year old son's room... or my 13 year old daughter's room and find the bed ALMOST made up. Never.

Anyway... whatever is threatening to cause you a little stress today... choose thankfulness.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says:
"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"

Through Christ... I can be joyful and thankful every morning as I finish making up the bed that I share with my faithful husband of 21 years... I realize that many can't say that... and I choose to thank God for my husband, the halfway "made up" bed, and the gracious reminder to thank Him.

Hopefully, I will be back this afternoon with my chapter post for "Yes to God".

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Kicking and Screaming...

2008-07-11T19:51:00.006-04:00

My 13 year old daughter will be going to public school this year, and she decided that she might like to go out for the volleyball team. Nevermind the fact that she has never played volleyball. And... the fact that she is a part of the most unatheletic family on earth. I was so excited when I found out a local christian sports organization was going to offer a volleyball camp this summer. I signed her right up. I figured that she could learn the basics at this camp and it would definitely help her when tryouts get here.

Camp started this past Monday morning at 9am. Now... my daughter is usually still asleep at noon, so I knew that this would be a challenge for her. With my kindest, sweetest, and happiest voice, I went in to wake her on Monday morning. Argghh!! Not an easy task. She was in such a bad mood... I practically had to drag her in there kicking and screaming. I prayed all the way home that God would spark a love in her heart for volleyball. I prayed that she would fall in love with playing a sport and do well. When I picked her up on Monday at noon... her mood was just as bad as it was that morning. Yuck!! She hated it. Her arm hurt. She couldn't do it. Everyone else knew how to play. She was not going back on Tuesday morning. So...

Fast forward to Tuesday morning... same as Monday. Had to drag her in kicking and screaming. Again I prayed that God would spark a love in her heart for volleyball. Fast forward to Tuesday afternoon... same as Monday. This time... her whole body was sore. Her arm was killing her. She has a horrible bruise on her leg. She didn't want to go back on Wednesday morning.

Wednesday morning she could barely get out of bed. She was so sore. She begged me to let her stay home. She told me how much she hated it. She told me that she had no intentions of playing volleyball for her school. Again... I practically had to drag her in kicking and screaming. That afternoon when I picked her up, I asked the same question that I did the other two afternoons...

"So, how was it today?"

And much to my surprise... she said, "I loved it".

I couldn't believe my ears. I said, "What??"

She said, "yea, I love it. I had so much fun today."

I just sat there dumbfounded.

In my mind... I was thinking, "I thought you would... Why didn't you just trust me... why did I have to drag you there kicking and screaming???" Just then, I felt a prick in my heart... God said, "yea, Lynn, Why do I have to take you to a new place kicking and screaming... why can't you just trust me that it is for your best??" I praised God for His mercy and grace. I chose to show that same grace and mercy to my daughter....

I said, " Well, great!! I am glad that I made you go"

She said, "yea, me too."

Why is it that we fight God on change?? Fight Him on going to a "new place" with Him?? Why can't we just trust that He knows what is best for us? Things are hard sometimes... but God knows what we need. Sometimes we have to suffer some bruises and some soreness... but God knows the process that will make us more like Him. He has a plan for us... He knows what experiences we will need to be useful in the ministry that He has planned for us. God wants the same thing from me that I wanted from my daughter... trust, cooperation, participation, and a willing spirit. I think that I will have to change my attitude about change.

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Saying Yes to God study...

2008-07-08T13:51:00.004-04:00

Welcome to Chapter Two of the Yes to God Tuesdays. If you would like to join in... just pick up a copy of the book and jump in. This book is so easy to read... it wouldn't take you one day to catch up. The book is What Happens When Women Walk In Faith by Lysa Terkeurst

Chapter 2 A Line in the Sand

I loved the story about the rearview mirror. It spoke volumes to me. Lysa made two statements in this section that caused me to do some heavy thinking.

"We can't go ahead with God to new and exciting places if we're spending too much time looking back."

As scary as the future may be... God is already there. He knows what to expect, nothing takes Him by surprise. If my husband and I were on a trip... somewhere I had never been but somewhere that was very familiar to him... I would rest in the fact that He knew where we were going. Do I rest in that fact with God?? I certainly should. Can I just tell you that He is a little more trustworthy than my sweet husband?? God NEVER lets us down. We just can't say the same thing about people. It is not in us to be perfect. But, God and His plan are perfect.

This next statement has sent me reeling, dancing, shouting, and thinking....

"Leaving is usually an act of obedience and not a desire of the heart. It is hard. It causes you to step outside of your comfort zone and enter a life that requires faith."

For those of you that don't know much about me... I have been a homeschooling mom for 6 years. I love having my children home with me. I love the comfort of knowing that I am taking care of them. Last year before Christmas, my 13 year old daughter asked me to think about letting her go to school. I replied very smugly, "I won't think about it... but I will pray about it". I knew that we were doing what God had called us to do... and He would give me MY answer. Well... that didn't happen. God changed the plan on me. Through many months of prayer, crying, and down right wrestling with God... I have surrendered my will to His. My children will be attending public school this fall. I have gone through the motions... testing, choosing classes, touring the schools, etc. This is definitely an act of obedience for me... NOT a desire of my heart. I needed to read this. I needed to see it in print. My heart aches for the time that I will miss with my children. I also work nights three days a week... I will surely miss my days with them. Tears are spilling over the rims of my eyes as I type this. I can give God thousands of reasons that they do not need to go to school. God wants my obedience... not my opinion.

But... I know that God has something new for me to do. I don't know what it is. I don't even know if I want to know what it is right now, I would probably start the wrestling match again. I have made the first step... the leaving. Leaving what I love, leaving what I am comfortable with, leaving my children all day with someone else. Leaving. I am on my way... an act of obedience. Not a desire of my heart. BUT...

Once I took the first step and acknowledged God's choice and my willingness to follow His will, the most amazing thing has happened. God has changed my heart. TONS. I am beginning to find things that will be so good for my children. My little one will love the library, the music class, the computer class, PE, and believe it or not... she is looking forward to the cafeteria. My middle schooler will enjoy learning about computers, technology, careers, and I do believe she will learn a lot about living life. There seems to be a little "all about me attitude" going on... I think that somehow being a little fish in a big sea will work on that.

I could go on and on... The story about the lady that went home to the same circumstances but with a different heart applies to my life as well.

I will sum all this up with Lysa's statement about that lady on the bottom of page 25... but insert my name.

"Lynn will have to depend on God like never before". I am so happy to be coming along on this journey with all of you sweet ladies. I don't have a "dream" yet... but I have at least taken the first step of obedience... leaving.

If you want to hear how this chapter spoke to others go here and see the other participants.

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Real Freedom...

2008-07-04T20:26:00.003-04:00

I am truly glad to be an American. I know that I am blessed to live in a country that is free. But when think about being free, it has more to do with who I am in Christ not where I am in geography. Scripture is so clear about where real freedom comes from.

Some of my favorites:
2 Corinthians 3:17
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
That gives me the freedom in my heart... since the Spirit of the Lord lives there.

Isaiah the prophet tells us in Isaiah 61 about the ministry of Jesus:
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to prolcaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengenance of our God, to
comfort all who mourn and to provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead
of mourning,
and the garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of
His splendor."

These words have been such an encouagement to me. I needed the good news, my heart has been broken and needed to be bound up, I have been a captive that needed to be set free. And... I need the ashes of my life to be turned into a crown of beauty. These are all things that Jesus does for me. And it is all for the display of His splendor. Wow!! That is awesome.

Galatians 5:1 tells us,
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves to be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
I do not have to be burdened by the yoke of slavery to sin... Christ has come to set me free from slavery to sin.

Romans 6:18 tells us
"You have been set free from sin and have become a slave to righteousness"
With the power of Christ in me... I can become a slave to doing right. Only, it won't seem like what we think of as a slave. I will actually be free to do what it right. No longer a slave to do what comes natural.

My freedom comes through Christ. My country is free... which allows me to pursue Christ with all that I have. I am truly blessed.

Happy 4th of July. Enjoy the Freedoms that God has given us.

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Getting rid of an old friend...

2008-07-01T11:27:00.003-04:00

I had this friend once... but I don't enjoy the friendship anymore. I want to get rid of it. I actually want to be totally rid of it... never to see or hear from it again. I used to feel very comfortable with this friend. I really thought that this friend was looking out for my best interest. I thought that this friend really loved me. I thought that it was a friendship that I couldn't do without.

But for some time now... God has been trying to show me that I need to rid myself of this friendship. He knew all along that it really wasn't a friend... but instead an enemy. My friend's name is PRIDE.

This has been going on for some time now. I mean years. God revealed my pride to me many, many years ago. I knew that it was something that I carried around with me all the time... I actually call it my "pride panties".... on me all the time. I really thought that I had made some ground with this problem. I find myself sometimes being a little proud of myself for not being as prideful as others around me. But... thank you Jesus... this morning God showed me an area of pride in my life that took me straight to the floor on my face, bawling,and begging His forgiveness. Still, tears fill my eyes.

I have a precious daughter... but we are at odds most times. I love her with all that I have... the thing is that she doesn't "love" like I do... so she doesn't really want the love that I show most easily. (5 love languages anyone???) Anyway... last night we had quite a spat. I went to bed crying over the way that she is... but God woke me this morning to show me how I am.

I realized that many times our "spats" are rooted in my pride. The pride that wells up inside of me to say...
"If she doesn't do "this" then others will think that you aren't a good parent".

Or... "that person over there is not even a Christian... and they think this about her"...

or "think this about the way she dresses"...

or "think this about the way that she uses her phone"...

or.. and the list goes on.

I have put what others think about my parenting and about me above what my daughter perceives about her mother. I love her... but can she see that?? Pride. Can I just tell you that I hate Pride??? I was broken this morning before the Lord. I know that my pride has cost me some of the the close relationship that I could have with my daughter. It may have cost more than just a "some". I asked God this morning to use my humble apology and my confession to her about what God had shown me to accomplish His will in her life. I knew that I would probably not see the fruit now. But... in the long haul... I pray that God can use my brokenness over this to His glory and to accomplish His purpose in her life. I was right... she wasn't bursting with forgiveness... she didn't really even want to talk with me. But... she did acknowledge what I said.

Man... this parenting thing is so hard. If I had really known how hard it is... I wouldn't have made such good friends with Pride. It gets in the way. I want my daughter to see unconditional love from me. I want my daughter to receive grace and mercy from me. I want my daughter to KNOW how I truly feel about her... not how I react in a pool of emotion especially when it is rooted in what others will think about me.

I have sensed God telling me to "love her from afar". I don't really know what that means... but I know that if I don't get out of the way, He may have to knock me out of the way. I don't want that. But, I do want His will accomplished in her life.

Please pray for us. Please pray that I will allow God to remove the pride and replace it with a love that she will see. Pray that He will move in both of our hearts. And... if you have any advise on how to help Pride pack and leave town... please pass them on.

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Clinging ...

2008-06-28T21:46:00.006-04:00

I mentioned in an earlier post that our cat had kittens, well... as it turns out, two of our cats actually had kittens, within a 10 day period. So we have an abundance of kittens right now. Want one or two?? Anyway... tonight as I tried to sit in the living room floor and organize my neglected coupons... this is what happened. I couldn't even turn one page without another kitten finding its way onto my lap.... OR on top of my shoulders. I would put them back onto the floor... and they would climb right back up. They were very persistent. They couldn't be turned away.

I thought of Romans 12:9... it tells us to hate what is evil; and to cling to what is good. God is good. He is what we need to cling to. In the best of times... it is Him that we need to cling to. In the dark, difficult times... it is Him that we need to cling to.

When things are going great... I tend to loose my grip a little on the Lord. I mean... I don't "cling" to him with my claws digging in quite like I do when things are rough and rocky. It is not something that I intentionally do... but I relax a little. Just what the enemy wants me to do. I want to remember to cling to Him... like these kittens were clinging to me. I want to be so persistent that it is impossible for me to be moved. Impossible for me to be shaken.

The Psalmist tells us in Psalm 62:1
"He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Big words. I want to cling to the Lord so tightly... that I too, can say that I will never be shaken.

Something in my Bible study last week really spoke a reminder to me. It came from Leviticus 24. The Lord is telling Moses what needs to be done in the tabernacle with the lampstand. He says that Aaron is to tend the lamps before the Lord from evening til morning, continually. "Tend to". I got to thinking about my spiritual life... I need to "tend" to it continually. To pay close attention. The dictionary says it means to look after and take care of. That is what it takes to cling to the Lord. I need to be tending to my spiritual life... paying close attention to the Lord. Clinging to Him. That way... I cannot be shaken. That is exactly what I want.

The Green Eyed Monster...

2008-06-25T18:41:00.002-04:00

I know that jealousy is wrong. I don't want to be jealous. I try not to be jealous. But... it has crept up on me and taken up residence in my heart.

It all started when I realized that many of the blogging siestas were going to meet at a Beth Moore conference in August. I reasoned out that it was a long way to go from South Carolina... but I couldn't help looking into airline tickets, hotels, and rental cars for the weekend. I told myself that if I started saving now... I could probably do it. BUT then... I realized that I would have to fly out on the first day of school for my children. Now... that doesn't seem like a lot... but we have homeschooled for the last 6 years. My oldest daughter has been at home since second grade and my youngest has never been to school. And... believe me, it is a BIG deal. So... there went that. I resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't go... and anyway, I am going to the Simulcast in Boone, NC at the beginning of August. Okay... so maybe I could get over the jealousy thing...

Well... it appears that I have missed one of the most exciting conferences around last weekend... right in my back door... Charlotte, NC. I live so close to Charlotte... as a matter of fact... I work in Charlotte. I had no idea that so many blogging friends were so close. I have spent the last couple days reading about how wonderful God was at the conference. How much fun the ladies had... even on a $60 cab ride. My jealousy is in full rage. I hate that I missed such a wonderful, God Time.

And... to think that if a few short months... I will have to read (yes, I will HAVE to read it) about the Siesta Fiesta. Ugghhhhhh!!! I can't stand it.

But... in all honesty... I will love hearing about it. I know that God is going to show up at the Simulcast too. I hope that there will be some blogging sisters there too. My little Tuesday night Bible study group is going together. I can't wait. I have heard testimonies from people that have attended a simulcast in the past... and they said it was just as great as being there. I will have to trust them on this until at least August.

If you have read my blog before... you might already know how much I love my little Tuesday night group. We meet at my house to study. We started out meeting from 6-7:30pm. Last night... it was 9:30pm before they left. We have such a great time getting into God's Word. We laughed so hard a few weeks ago at one of the stories that Beth told... we hit rewind a few times and laughed until our sides ached. It was about loosing skittles.... does that mean anything to anyone?? A great story. I bet if I were to tell all of the fun that we have.... some of you might be jealous too. BUT... I will try to keep some of it to myself, since jealousy is a sin and all.

I guess that I will just have to take my jealousy to the Lord. It's not like He doesn't know it anyway. So... off I go... to spend some time with my Father. He is just the one to kill the green eyed monster that has taken up residence in my heart... well... after thinking of my little Tuesday night group... my heart isn't quite so green after all.

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Surprise....

2008-06-24T22:52:00.002-04:00

Just call me fickle. I couldn't pass up the chance to get a new make-over when my name came up on Jennisa's waiting list. I was hoping for a light and airy look for summer. What do you think?? I love it.

I will have to come back tomorrow and say more... for now, I have to go to bed!!
Thanks Jennisa... I love it!!

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Have I gone too far??

2008-06-19T08:26:00.004-04:00

This will be short and sweet...

I think that I may have gone too far. This morning my little one found a picture of Beth Moore on an advertisement. She carefully cut it out and brought it to me. She said, "Here mom... you can put her on the wall in your room". Now... I just have to sit back and wonder... Have I gone too far??

I think that I will have to refrain from putting her up on my wall... since I share my bedroom with my husband. He knows how much I enjoy her studies (okay... love her studies, and her blog, and watching her on Life Today, and, and,) but I just don't think that he would give me his blessing to put her up on our bedroom wall!! What do you think??

Well... maybe I really haven't gone too far. I wish that I had known who she was when I was seven. It would have possibly changed a few things in my past.

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In the Cleft of the Rock

2008-06-13T02:57:00.002-04:00

God's Word is alive and active. It amazes me that you can read something last year, or the year before... and read it again this week and it mean something completely different. God's Word is so practical and relevant to today.

I have read this story before. Actually I have studied it more than once. BUT... the other night it was completely new again. It meant something totally different to me. It was exactly what I needed that minute. God is just like that. Meets us where we are. Exactly when we need it.

Exodus 33 ends with Moses asking God to show him His glory. God tells Moses, "there is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.

Beth said, "Is it possible that right now... when you feel like you are in a dark time, could it possibly be that God is passing by you and He has His hand over your eyes, hiding you in the cleft of the rock?? Could it be... that when he removes His hand you will be able to see His goodness and His glory as He passes by???

Wow!! That spoke volumes to me. I do sometimes feel like things seem dark right now. Could it be that God is passing by?? Could it be that the reason that I think it is dark is because His hands are covering my eyes so that His goodness and His glory can pass right by me... without me seeing His face... ?? Could it be that when the darkness fades, I will see His back?? Where He has been?? Believe me... I know that God is with me right now. I have such peace in my soul and in my heart during this trying time. But... to think that I am in the cleft of the rock as God chooses to pass so closely by me that He has to cover my eyes with His hand to keep me from seeing His face?? His goodness and His glory are passing by me. That I WILL see His back and His hand and His heart in the end.

Now, those are words to hold on to. Those are words that will keep me til the end. Is the Word great or what?? Can Beth bring it home or what??

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Bad Decisions 101

2008-06-08T23:27:00.005-04:00

This week, my Bible study took me to Exodus 32. I laughed out loud when I read about Aaron making the golden calf for the people of Israel. They couldn't wait on Moses to return from the mountain. They said, "We don't know what happened to him". Aaron did exactly what the people of Israel asked him to do. He fashioned an idol for the people out of their earrings and gold. I loved the part where Moses confronted him about his actions, and he said, "please don't be angry with me, I asked them to give me their earrings and gold, and I then threw them into the fire... and out came this calf !". I thought to myself... what a ridiculous excuse.

God spoke to my heart, and he showed me that my life is a lot like that.

How often do I think that He is taking too long to do something?? I decide to just handle things my own self. I take matters into my own hands. Thinking that I know what it best, and what timing is best.

The earrings and gold that they had belonged to the Egyptians. God provided the plunder for them as he brought them out of Egypt. They used these blessings from God to create an idol. How often do I do that? God blesses me... and I turn around and allow His blessings to come before my worship of Him??

God quickly pointed out to me that I tend to make up excuses for my actions as well. And... I bet they sound about as ridiculous as Aaron's excuse did. Now... even if Aaron could have "gotten over" on Moses... I cannot "get over" on God. He not only sees my actions, but my heart that motivated them.

I was quite convicted. But... I realized that is where the similarities in our stories end.

When God's anger burned against them for their idolatry and disobedience, Moses stepped in to intercede for them. Later Moses said, "Perhaps I can make atonement for your sin." Well... It is Jesus Christ that intercedes for me. And...my Jesus didn't come to say, "Perhaps I can make atonement for your sin." He came to make atonement for the sins of the world.

Hebrews 7:25 tells us that "He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them."

Isaiah 53:12 tells us that "He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."

Hebrews 2:17 says "For this reason he had to be make like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people."

I find comfort in the fact that Jesus is there interceding for me when I get ahead of God, when I use His blessings inappropriately, and when I make up crazy excuses for what I have done. Jesus lives to intercede for me. Not only that... He came to make atonement for my sin. And... He did make atonement for my sin, and yours. I just love my Jesus.

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From Fear to Faith...

2008-06-06T06:16:00.004-04:00

Last week in Bible study we studied the beginning of the wilderness journey for the Israelites. God and I had such a great week. It was a "lesson learning" week for me.

I will confess that I struggle from time to time with our current situation. But... I sensed God talking to me about my lack of faith in Him. We studied the provisions that he provided for them as they rode the rollercoaster of following Him and then complaining against Him. Yet, He remained faithful to them. He gave to them... when anyone else would have thrown their hands up and walked away from such a faithless, fickle group. I thought for a minute... If I had just walked across dry land where a sea used to be... I think that I would have stayed faithful for a little longer than they did. BUT... do I??

God has seen us through such storms. God has provided for us time and time again. God has worked in my heart over and over. Yet... when I sense the winds blowing again, fear sets in. While we watched our video segment of the study, Beth said soemething that really hit me like a ton of bricks...

"Whatever it is that is inviting you to fear, is actually God's invitation to faith"

I thought to myself... God is wearing out the postman delivering invitations to me these days. There are so many things that are tempting me to fear.

I started looking at verses that have to do with fear. Over and over, scripture tells us to fear the Lord. It tells us that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Fear of the Lord is a fountain of life. Fear of the Lord adds length to life.

1 John 4:18 tells us that there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Well... I want love, not fear. Unless it is fear of the Lord. I think that I will go ahead and accept God's invitation to faith. Faith sounds a lot better than fear. What about you??

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The Ability Cord

2008-06-02T10:29:00.004-04:00

My little one said the funniest thing last night... but before I tell you what she said, I must fill you in on the fact that our cat recently had kittens. Lots of them... but that will be another post.

Anyway... Last night, Anna came into the living room where her dad and I were sitting and announced, "Yuck... there is an ability cord on the floor next to the kittens bed".

I said, "What kind of cord??".

She looked at me like I was crazy... and announced once more, "an ABILITY cord".

I laughed and looked at my husband and said, "I think that she must mean an umbilical cord".

But either way... I sent him to check it out. While he was gone... I sat there and laughed. An ability cord. My mind wondered just a bit to the birth of our babies and the cutting of the umbilical cord. (sorry if that is too yucky... I won't stay here long) I thought about the fact that without that cord... the baby couldn't live and grow. It is what connects it to the source of its life until it can live outside the womb on its own.

Then my mind JUMPED to something that Jesus told us in the gospel of John. John 15:5 says,

"I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

The only ability that I have comes through the cord (okay... the vine) that connects me to my Father. He says that I can do nothing without Him. He is MY ability cord. Without it... I can do nothing. God IS my ability cord.

Then... I wondered how many times have I tried to cut that cord so that I could live on my own?? Way too many times to count. Thankfully these days, God doesn't allow me much time to flounder on my own before He reminds me that I can only do things through Him. Without Him, I can do nothing. Oh well... Of course, I can do them... they just don't bear any fruit for the Kingdom. And as a branch... that is my sole purpose... bearing fruit for the Vine. Bearing fruit for my Father.

When my husband returned from the other room, the smile on my face was different. While it may have started with a laugh about something Anna said that was funny... God turned it into a moment between Him and me. (or is it I?? I don't remember)

Why do I try to cut that cord and do things on my own?? Have I forgotten how faithful He is?? Have I forgotten all of the storms that we have weathered together? Have I forgotten that He is the source of my very life?? Have I forgotten that He knows the number of hairs on my head?? Have I forgotten that He spoke the world into being... yet cares about every little thing in my life??

I realized that God was telling me to put away my scissors and stop trying to cut the cord. He is my Ability Cord. Without Him... I can do nothing. I can rest in that. AND, I will choose to rest in that.

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Naked and Unashamed....

2008-05-28T12:23:00.004-04:00

Those are not two words that I would usually put together... naked and unashamed. But this morning, I found myself naked and unashamed... before God that is. Last night in our Bible Study we talked about Adam and Eve in the garden, but they were naked and ashamed. God in his mercy and love stepped in to cover them with animal skins so that they would no longer be ashamed. Now, of course an innocent animal had to die so that they could be covered. But... that has been God's plan from the beginning. The innocent sacrificed for the sin of the guilty. Wow! What a hard concept. But... because Jesus (the innocent) was sacrificed for the sin of Lynn... I can now stand before God, covered (in his blood) and be unashamed. And that is where I stood this morning.

You know, God knows our hearts. He knows our thoughts. He knows our motives. And, He knows when we are playing a game. So this morning, I let down the fig leaves that I was covering myself with and told Him everything that was on my mind... and most every bit of it was not pretty... as a matter of fact... it was down right ugly. When we allow our heart and feelings to take over... things usually do turn out kind of ugly. Jeremiah the prophet tells us that our heart is deceitful above all things. (17:9) God pleads with us over and over in His Word to give Him our WHOLE heart. So I did. I said out loud all of the ugly things that had been playing out in my head since last night... actually over the last couple months. God can take our honesty. He already knows it for Pete's sake. Why pretend before Him??

In my study this morning... after I poured out my ugly to God... I read Exodus 14:19-20. Please let me share it with you...

Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel's army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long.

Now... by itself, that really didn't get me pumped up. BUT... when Beth asked the question, "What enemy are you battling today?" "First, invite God to come between you and your enemy. Second, invite Him to open "the eyes of your heart" so that you will recognize Him at work. And third, count on Jesus; he never fails." Well... that is exactly what I did. I invited God to come stand between me and my feelings, between me and my frustrations, between me and my ugly. To open my heart and eyes to recognize Him at work....

AND... there you have it. He did exactly that. He led me to Hebrews 13:5. Now, I knew the last part of this verse from somewhere in my past, but I read the whole thing this morning.

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you"

Now, I would not call wanting to have enough money coming in to cover what needs to go out, a love of money. BUT... it has kept my mind captive for a while now. I sensed God telling me to be content where I am (not to like it or want to stay here forever) but be content to be in His will for me at this time. I remembered this verse saying, "I will never leave you." but it actually had the word "never" first... to me, that made such an impact. NEVER will I leave you.

So, there I stood naked and unashamed before God. Covered in the blood of His Son, Jesus. His cloud moved between me and my ugly... and shed His light on me. Took away the darkness in my heart and He will keep it from coming near to me again today. But you know what... He will want my WHOLE heart again tomorrow. He will want me to be naked and unashamed before Him again tomorrow. Thankfully... even though I am naked and unashamed before Him... I can keep my clothes on. I am sure that the other people in my family would prefer it that way.

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