You know, God knows our hearts. He knows our thoughts. He knows our motives. And, He knows when we are playing a game. So this morning, I let down the fig leaves that I was covering myself with and told Him everything that was on my mind... and most every bit of it was not pretty... as a matter of fact... it was down right ugly. When we allow our heart and feelings to take over... things usually do turn out kind of ugly. Jeremiah the prophet tells us that our heart is deceitful above all things. (17:9) God pleads with us over and over in His Word to give Him our WHOLE heart. So I did. I said out loud all of the ugly things that had been playing out in my head since last night... actually over the last couple months. God can take our honesty. He already knows it for Pete's sake. Why pretend before Him??
In my study this morning... after I poured out my ugly to God... I read Exodus 14:19-20. Please let me share it with you...
Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel's army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long.
Now... by itself, that really didn't get me pumped up. BUT... when Beth asked the question, "What enemy are you battling today?" "First, invite God to come between you and your enemy. Second, invite Him to open "the eyes of your heart" so that you will recognize Him at work. And third, count on Jesus; he never fails." Well... that is exactly what I did. I invited God to come stand between me and my feelings, between me and my frustrations, between me and my ugly. To open my heart and eyes to recognize Him at work....
AND... there you have it. He did exactly that. He led me to Hebrews 13:5. Now, I knew the last part of this verse from somewhere in my past, but I read the whole thing this morning.
"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you"
Now, I would not call wanting to have enough money coming in to cover what needs to go out, a love of money. BUT... it has kept my mind captive for a while now. I sensed God telling me to be content where I am (not to like it or want to stay here forever) but be content to be in His will for me at this time. I remembered this verse saying, "I will never leave you." but it actually had the word "never" first... to me, that made such an impact. NEVER will I leave you.
So, there I stood naked and unashamed before God. Covered in the blood of His Son, Jesus. His cloud moved between me and my ugly... and shed His light on me. Took away the darkness in my heart and He will keep it from coming near to me again today. But you know what... He will want my WHOLE heart again tomorrow. He will want me to be naked and unashamed before Him again tomorrow. Thankfully... even though I am naked and unashamed before Him... I can keep my clothes on. I am sure that the other people in my family would prefer it that way.